I 


YOUR  CHILD 

TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 


The  instinct  to  create  is  born  in  every  normal  child. 


YOUR  CHILD 

TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

SOME  PROBLEMS  FOR  PARENTS 
CONCERNING 

PUNISHMENT  REASONING 

LIES  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

FEAR  WORK  AND  PLAY 

IMAGINATION  SOCIAL  ACTIVITIES 

OBEDIENCE  ADOLESCENCE 

WILL  HEREDITY 

BY 
SIDONIE  MATZNER  GRUENBERG 

WITH  A  FOREWORD  BY 
BISHOP  JOHN  H.  VINCENT 

CHANCELLOR  OF  CKAUTAUQUA  INSTITUTION 

WITH  12  ILLUSTRATIONS 


PHILADELPHIA  &  LONDON 
J.  B.  LIPPINCOTT  COMPANY 


COPYRIGHT,  IQI2,  BY  COLLIER  *  NAST,  INC. 
COPYRIGHT,  I9I3,  BY  J.  B.  LIPPINCOTT  COMPANY 


PRINTED  BY  J.   B.   LIPPINCOTT  COMPANY 

AT  THE  WASHINGTON  SQUARE  PRESS 

PHILADELPHIA,  U.  S.  A. 


TO  HER  WHOSE  DEVOTION  AND  UNTIR- 
ING EFFORT  TOWARD  AN  INTELLIGENT 
UNDERSTANDING  OF  HER  CHILDREN 
HAVE  EVER  BEEN  AN  INSPIRATION, 

MY  MOTHER 

AND 

TO  MY  CHILDREN 

WHOSE  CONTRIBUTION  TOWARD  MY  EDU- 
CATION HAS  BEEN  GREATER  THAN  THAT 
FROM  ANY  OTHER  SOURCE,  THIS  LITTLE 
BOOK  IS  AFFECTIONATELY  DEDICATED. 


290942 


PREFACE 

IN  my  efforts  to  learn  something  about  the 
nature  of  the  child,  as  a  member  of  child-study 
groups,  and  in  my  own  studies,  I  have  found  a  large 
mass  of  material — accumulated  by  investigators  into 
the  psychology  and  the  biology  of  childhood — which 
could  be  of  great  practical  use  to  all  concerned  with 
the  bringing  up  of  children.  In  this  little  book  I  have 
tried  to  present  some  of  this  material  in  a  form 
that  will  make  it  available  for  those  who  lack  the 
time,  or  the  special  training  or  the  opportunity  to 
work  it  out  for  themselves.  It  has  been  my  chief 
aim  to  show  that  a  proper  understanding  of  and 
sympathy  with  the  various  stages  through  which 
the  child  normally  passes  will  do  much  toward 
making  not  only  the  child  happier,  but  the  task  of 
the  parents  pleasanter.  I  am  convinced  that  our 
failure  to  understand  the  workings  of  the  child's 
mind  is  responsible  for  much  of  the  friction  be- 
tween parents  and  children.  We  cannot  expect  the 
children,  with  their  limited  experience  and  their 
undeveloped  intellect,  to  understand  us;  if  we  are 
to  have  harmony,  intimacy  and  cooperation,  these 
must  come  through  the  parents'  successful  efforts 
at  understanding  the  children. 

In  speaking  of  the  child  always  in  the  mascu- 
line, I  have  followed  the  custom  of  the  specialists. 

7 


PREFACE 

It  is  of  course  to  be  understood  that  "  he  "  some- 
times means  "  she  "  and  usually  "  he  or  she." 

It  has  been  impossible  to  refer  at  every  point 
to  the  source  of  the  material  used.  One  uncon- 
sciously absorbs  many  ideas  which  one  is  unable 
later  to  trace  to  their  sources;  in  addition  to  this, 
the  material  I  have  here  presented  has  been  worked 
over  so  that  it  is  impossible  in  most  cases  to  ascribe 
a  particular  idea  to  a  particular  person.  I  wish, 
however,  to  acknowledge  my  indebtedness  to  all 
who  have  patiently  labored  in  this  field,  and  espe- 
cially to  those  Masters  of  Child  Study,  G.  Stanley 
Hall,  John  Dewey,  Earl  Barnes,  Edwin  A.  Kirk- 
patrick  and  Edward  L.  Thorndike.  I  owe  much 
to  my  opportunity  to  work  in  the  Federation  for 
Child  Study.  These  groups  of  mothers  and  teachers 
have  done  a  great  deal,  under  the  guidance  and  in- 
spiration of  Professor  Felix  Adler,  to  develop  a 
spirit  of  co-operation  in  the  attack  upon  the  prac- 
tical problems  of  child-training  in  the  home. 

I  am  very  grateful  to  Mrs.  Hilda  M.  Schwartz, 
of  Minneapolis,  for  her  assistance  in  revising  the 
manuscript  and  in  securing  the  illustrations. 

The  assistance  of  my  husband  has  been  invalu- 
able. In  his  suggestions  and  criticisms  he  has  given 
me  the  benefit  of  his  experience  as  biologist  and 
educator. 

SIDONIE  MATZNER  GRUENBERG. 

NEW  YORK,  May,  1913. 


A  FOREWORD 

IN  the  thought  of  the  writer  of  this  prefatory 
page,  the  book  he  thus  introduces  is  an  exception- 
ally sane,  practical  and  valuable  treatment  of  the 
problem  of  problems  suggested  by  our  present 
American  Civilization,  namely:  The  Training  of 
the  On-coming  Generation — the  new  Americans — 
who  are  to  realize  the  dreams  of  our  ancestors  con- 
cerning personal  freedom  and  development  in  the 
social,  political,  commercial  and  religious  life  of 
the  Republic. 

There  is  always  hope  for  the  adult  who  takes 
any  real  interest  in  self -improvement.  One  is 
never  too  old  to  "  turn  over  a  new  leaf  "  and  to 
begin  a  new  record.  A  full-grown  man  may  become 
a  "  promising  child  "  in  the  kingdom  of  grace.  He 
may  dream  dreams  and  see  visions.  He  may  re- 
solve, and  his  experience  of  forty  or  more  years  in 
"  practising  decision "  and  in  persisting  despite 
counter  inclinations  may  only  increase  his  chances 
for  mastering  a  problem,  overcoming  a  difficulty 
and  developing  enthusiasm.  A  page  of  History 
or  of  Ethics,  a  poet's  vision  or  a  philosopher's 
reasoning,  will  find  a  response  in  his  personality 

9 


FOREWORD 

impossible  to  a  juvenile.  His  knowledge  of  real 
life,  of  persons  he  has  met,  of  theories  he  has  often 
pondered,  of  difficulties  he  has  encountered  and 
canvassed,  the  conversations  and  discussions  in 
which  he  has  taken  part — all  give  new  value  to  the 
pages  he  is  now  turning,  and  while  he  may  not 
as  easily  as  formerly  memorize  the  language,  he 
at  once  grasps,  appreciates  and  appropriates  the 
thoughts  -  there  expressed. 

With  these  advantages  as  a  thinker,  a  reader, 
a  man  of  affairs,  a  father  interested  in  his  own 
children  and  in  their  education,  what  a  blessing  to 
him  and  to  his  family  comes  through  the  reading 
of  an  interesting,  suggestive  and  stimulating  book 
on  child  training  such  as  this  practical  volume  by 
Mrs.  Gruenberg.  In  fact,  the  book  becomes  a  sort 
of  a  Normal  Class  in  itself.  It  is  attractive,  in- 
genious, illustrative  and  stimulating — an  example 
of  the  true  teaching  spirit  and  method. 

This  volume  has  in  it  much  that  a  preacher 
and  pastor  would  do  well  to  read.  And  a  very 
wise  pastor  will  be  inclined  to  bring  together 
Mothers  and  Sunday-School  Teachers  and  read  to 
them  certain  paragraphs  until  they  are  induced  to 
put  a  copy  of  the  volume  in  their  own  library  and 
thus  become,  in  a  sense,  members  of  a  strong  and 
most  helpful  "  Normal  Class." 

10 


FOREWOED 

One  thing  every  Sunday-School  Teacher  and 
every  Parent  should  remember  is  that  all  attempts 
to  experiment  in  the  instruction  of  children  are  so 
many  steps  towards  "  Normal  Work,"  in  which  are 
included  the  use  of  "  illustrations,"  the  framing  of 
"questions,"  the  devices  to  "get  attention,"  and 
the  effort  to  induce  children  to  "  think  for  them- 
selves "  and  freely  to  express  their  thoughts,  reas- 
onings, doubts,  difficulties  and  personal  independent 
opinions.  All  these  efforts  not  only  develop  power 
in  the  child,  but  they  react  upon  the  teacher  and 
ensure  for  the  "  next  meeting  of  the  class  "  some 
"  new  suggestion,"  some  additional  question,  some 
fresh  view  of  the  whole  subject  by  which  both 
teacher  and  pupils  will  be  stimulated  and  instructed. 

In  our  intercourse  with  children  let  us  aim  to 
develop  the  teaching  motive,  and  we  shall  not  only 
make  the  work  of  the  "  class  room  "  profitable  to 
the  pupils,  but  each  of  us  will  find  new  delight,  new 
inspiration  and  an  unanticipated  degree  of  success 
in  this  beautiful  and  divine  ministry. 

JOHN  H.  VINCENT. 

CHICAGO  AND  CHAUTAUQUA, 
May  7,  1913. 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER  PAGB 

I.    You  AND  YOUR  CHILD 17 

II.    THE  PROBLEM  OF  PUNISHMENT 28 

III.  WHEN  YOUR  CHILD  IMAGINES  THINGS 44  X» 

IV.  THE  LIES  CHILDREN  TELL 57 

V.    BEING  AFRAID 77 

VI.    THE  FIRST  GREAT  LAW 88 

VII.    THE  TRAINING  OF  THE  WILL 103 

VIII.    How  CHILDREN  REASON 117 

IX.    WORK  AND  PLAY 129 

X.    CHILDREN'S  GANGS,  CLUBS,  AND  FRIENDSHIPS 148 

XI.    CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 160 

XII.  THE  STORK  OR  THE  TRUTH 181  X» 

XIII.  THE  GOLDEN  AGE  OF  TRANSITION 195 

XIV.  HEREDITY  AND  ENVIRONMENT 215 


ILLUSTRATIONS 

PAGB 

THE  INSTINCT  TO  CREATE  is  BORN  IN  EVERY  NORMAL 
CHILD Frontispiece. 

THE  INSTINCT  TO  Do  APPEARS  EARLY  IN  LIFE 22 

IMAGINATION  SUPPLIES  THIS  TWO-YEAR-OLD  A  PRANCING 
STEED 52 

NEITHER  ARE  GIRLS  AFRAID  TO  CLIMB 78 

ONLY  A  GOOD  REASON  CAN  WARRANT  CALLING  AN  ABSORBED 
CHILD  FROM  His  OCCUPATION 94 

HABITS  OF  CAREFUL  WORK  FURNISH  A  GOOD  FOUNDATION 
FOR  THE  WILL 106 

WORK  Is  PLAY 130 

LET  THEM  ROMP  IN  WINTER  AS  WELL  AS  IN  SUMMER 132 

IN  THEIR  GAMES  THEY  SHOULD  LEARN  TO  LOSE  AS  WELL 
AS  TO  WIN 134 

DON'T  FORGET  How  TO  PLAY  WITH  THE  CHILDREN 140 

THE  BOYS  NEED  A  CHANCE  TO  GET  TOGETHER 154 

IN  THE  COUNTRY  CHILDREN  BECOME  ACQUAINTED  WITH 
THE  FACTS  OF  LIFE  ..  .  188 


YOUR  CHILD 

TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 


i. 

YOU  AND  YOUR  CHILD 

HOUSEKEEPING,  in  the  sense  of  administering 
the  work  of  the  household,  has  been  raised  almost 
to  a  science.  The  same  is  true  of  the  feeding  of 
children.  But  the  training  of  children  still  lags 
behind,  so  far  as  most  of  us  are  concerned,  in  the 
stage  occupied  by  housekeeping  and  farming  a 
generation  or  two  ago.  There  has,  indeed,  been 
developed  a  considerable  mass  of  exact  knowledge 
about  the  nature  of  the  child,  and  about  the  laws 
of  his  development;  but  this  knowledge  has  been 
for  most  parents  a  closed  book.  It  is  not  what  the 
scientists  know,  but  what  the  people  apply,  that 
marks  our  progress. 

"  Child-study  "  has  been  considered  something 
with  which  young  normal-school  students  have  to 
struggle  before  they  begin  their  real  struggle  with 

17 


YOUR  CHffiD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

bad  boys.  But  mothers  have  been  expected  to 
know,  through  some  divine  instinct,  just  how  to 
handle  their  own  children,  without  any  special 
study  or  preparation.  That  the  divine  instinct  has 
not  taught  them  properly  to  feed  the  young  infant 
and  the  growing  child  we  have  learned  but  slowly 
and  at  great  cost  in  human  life  and  suffering;  but 
we  have  learned  it.  Our  next  lesson  should  be  to 
realize  that  our  instincts  cannot  be  relied  upon 
when  it  comes  to  understanding  the  child's  mind, 
the  meaning  of  his  various  activities,  and  how  best 
to  guide  his  mental  and  moral  development. 

Mistakes  that  parents — and  teachers — make  in 
dealing  with  the  child's  mind  are  not  often  fatal. 
Nor  can  you  always  trace  the  evil  effects  of  such 
mistakes  in  the  later  character  of  the  child.  But 
there  can  be  no  doubt  that  many  of  the  heart- 
breaks, misunderstandings,  and  estrangements 
between  parents  and  children  are  due  to  mistakes 
that  could  have  been  avoided  by  a  knowledge  of 
the  nature  of  the  child's  mind. 

There  are,  fortunately,  many  parents  who 
arrive  at  an  understanding  of  the  nature  of  the 
child  through  sympathetic  insieht,  through  quick 
observation,  through  the  application  of  sound  sense 
and  the  results  of  experience  to  the  problems  that 
arise.  It  is  not  necessary  that  all  of  us  approach 


YOU  AND  YOUR  CHILD 

the  child  in  the  attitude  of  the  professional  scientist; 
indeed,  it  is  neither  possible  for  us  to  do  so,  nor 
is  it  desirable  that  we  should.  But  it  is  both  pos- 
sible and  desirable  that  we  make  use  of  the  expe- 
rience and  observations  of  others,  that  we  apply 
the  results  of  scientific  experiments,  that  we  reen- 
force  our  instincts  with  all  available  helps.  We 
need  not  fall  into  the  all-too-common  error  of 
placing  common-sense  and  practical  insight  in 
opposition  to  the  method  of  the  scientists.  Every- 
one in  this  country  appreciates  the  wonderful  and 
valuable  services  of  Luther  Burbank,  and  no  one 
doubts  that  if  his  method  could  be  extended  the 
whole  nation  would  benefit  in  an  economic  way. 
Yet  Burbank  has  been  unable  to  teach  the  rest  of 
us  how  to  apply  his  shrewd  "  common-sense  "  and 
his  keen  intuition  t'o  the  improvement  of  useful 
and  ornamental  plants.  It  was  necessary  for 
scientists  to  study  what  he  had  done  in  order  to 
make  available  for  the  whole  world  those  prin- 
ciples that  make  his  practice  really  productive  of 
desirable  results.  In  the  same  way  it  is  well  for 
every  parent  and  every  teacher — everyone  who  has 
to  do  with  children — to  supplement  good  sense  and 
observation  with  the  results  of  scientific  study. 

On  the  other  hand,  there  is  no  universal  for- 
mula for  the  bringing  up  of  children,  one  that  can 

19 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

be  applied  to  all  children  everywhere  and  always, 
any  more  than  there  is  a  universal  formula  for 
fertilizing  soil  or  curing  disease  or  feeding  babies. 
Yet  there  are  certain  general  laws  of  child  devel- 
opment and  certain  general  principles  of  child 
training  which  have  been  derived  from  scientific 
studies  of  children,  and  which  agree  with  the  best 
thought  and  experience  of  those  who  learned  to 
know  their  children  without  the  help  of  science. 
These  general  laws  and  principles  may  be  profitably 
learned  and  used  in  bringing  up  the  rising  gen- 
eration. 

Too  many  people,  and  especially  too  many 
parents,  think  of  the  child  as  merely  a  small  man 
or  woman.  This  is  far  from  a  true  conception  of 
the  child.  Just  as  the  physical  organs  of  the  child 
work  in  a  manner  different  from  what  we  find  in 
the  adult,  so  the  mind  of  the  child  works  along  in 
a  way  peculiar  to  its  stage  of  development.  If  a 
physician  should  use  the  same  formulas  for  treating 
children's  ailments  as  he  uses  with  adults,  simply 
reducing  the  size  of  the  dose,  we  should  consider 
his  methods  rather  crude.  If  a  parent  should  feed 
an  infant  the  same  materials  that  she  supplied  to 
the  rest  of  the  family,  only  in  smaller  quantities, 
we  should  consider  her  too  ignorant  to  be  en- 
trusted with  the  care  of  the  child.  And  for  similar 

20 


YOU  AND  YOUR  CHILD 

reasons  we  must  learn  that  the  behavior  of  the  child 
must  be  judged  according  to  standards  different 
from  those  we  apply  to  an  adult.  The  same  act 
represents  different  motives  in  a  child  and  in  an 
adult — or  in  the  same  child  at  different  ages. 

Moreover,  each  child  is  different  from  every 
other  child  in  the  whole  world.  The  law  has  rec- 
ognized that  a  given  act  committed  by  two  different 
persons  may  really  be  two  entirely  different  acts, 
from  a  moral  point  of  view.  How  much  more 
important  is  it  for  the  parent  or  the  teacher  to 
recognize  that  each  child  must  be  treated  in  accord- 
ance with  his  own  nature ! 

It  is  the  duty  of  every  mother  to  know  the 
nature  of  her  child,  in  order  that  she  may  assist  in 
the  development  of  all  of  his  possibilities.  Child 
Study  is  a  new  science,  but  old  enough  to  give  us 
great  help  through  what  the  experts  have  found 
out  about  "  child  nature."  But  the  experts  do  not 
know  your  child;  they  have  studied  the  problems 
of  childhood,  and  their  results  you  can  use  in  learn- 
ing to  know  your  child.  Your  problem  is  always 
an  individual  problem;  the  problem  of  the  scientist 
is  a  general  one.  From  the  general  results,  how- 
ever, you  fnay  get  suggestions  for  the  solution  of 
your  individual  problem. 

We  all  know  the  mother  who  complains  that 

21 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

her  boys  did  not  turn  out  just  the  way  she  wanted 
them  to — although  they  are  very  good  boys.  After 
they  have  grown  up  she  suddenly  realizes  one  day 
how  far  they  are  from  her  in  spirit.  She  could 
have  avoided  the  disillusion  by  recognizing  early 
enough  that  the  interests  and  instincts  of  her  boys 
were  healthy  ones,  notwithstanding  they  were  so 
different  from  her  own.  She  would  have  been 
more  to  the  boys,  and  they  more  to  her,  if,  instead 
of  wasting  her  energy  in  trying  to  make  them  "  like 
herself,"  she  had  tried  to  develop  their  tastes  and 
inclinations  to  their  full  possibilities. 

How  much  happier  is  the  home  in  which  the 
mother  understands  the  children,  and  knows  how 
to  treat  each  according  to  his  disposition,  instead 
of  treating  all  by  some  arbitrary  rule!  As  a 
mother  of  three  children  said  one  day,  "  With 
Mary,  just  a  hint  of  what  I  wish  is  sufficient  to 
secure  results.  With  John,  I  have  to  give  a  definite 
order  and  insist  that  he  obey.  With  Robert  I  get 
the  best  results  by  explaining  and  appealing  to  his 
reason."  How  much  trouble  she  saves  herself — 
and  the  children — by  having  found  this  much  out! 

A  mother  who  knows  that  what  we  commonly 
call  the  "  spirit  of  destruction  "  in  a  child  is  the 
same  as  the  constructive  instinct  will  not  be  so  much 
grieved  when  her  baby  takes  the  alarm  clock  apart 

22 


YOU  AND  YOUR  CHILD 

as  the  mother  who  looks  upon  this  deed  as  an  indi- 
cation of  depravity  or  wickedness. 

Some  of  the  directions  in  which  the  parents 
may  profit  from  what  the  specialists  have  worked 
out  may  be  suggested.  There  is  the  question  of 
punishment,  for  example.  How  many  of  us  have 
thought  out  a  satisfactory  philosophy  of  punish- 
ment? In  our  personal  relations  with  our  children 
we  all  too  frequently  cling  to  the  theory  of  punish- 
ment that  justifies  us  in  "  paying  back  "  for  the 
trouble  we  have  been  caused — if,  indeed,  we  do 
any  more  than  vent  our  temper  at  the  annoyance. 
It  is  not  viciousness  on  our  part;  it  is  merely  igno- 
rance. But  the  time  is  rapidly  approaching  when 
there  will  be  no  excuse  for  ignorance,  even  if  it 
is  not  yet  time  to  say  that  preventable  ignorance  is 
vicious. 

How  many  mothers,  for  example,  realize  that 
the  desire  on  the  part  of  the  child  to  touch,  to  do — 
to  get  into  mischief — is  a  fundamental  character- 
istic of  childhood,  and  not  an  indication  of  per- 
versity in  her  particular  Johnny  or  Mary?  How 
many  know  that  these  instincts  are  the  most  use- 
ful and  the  most  usable  traits  that  the  child  has; 
that  the  checking  of  these  instincts  may  mean  the 
destruction  of  individual  qualities  of  great  import- 
ance in  the  formation  of  character?  How  many 

23 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

know  how  wisely  to  direct  these  instincts  without 
thwarting  them? 

How  many  mothers — good  housewives — know 
anything  at  all  about  the  imagination,  that  crown- 
ing glory  of  the  human  mind?  They  admire  the 
poet's  flights  of  fancy;  but  when,  on  being  asked 
where  his  brother  is,  Harry  says,  "  He  went  off  in 
a  great,  great,  big  airship,"  they  feel  the  call  of 
duty  to  punish  him  for  his  lies! 

Many  of  us  have  realized  in  a  helpless  sort  of 
way  that  there  is  need  for  expert  knowledge  in 
these  matters,  and  have  comfortably  shifted  the 
responsibility  to  the  teacher.  Parents  are  often 
heard  to  say,  when  a  troublesome  youngster  is  under 
discussion,  "Just  wait  until  he  begins  to  go  to 
school."  It  is  not  wise  to  wait.  There  is  much  to 
be  done  before  the  school  can  be  thought  of,  or  even 
before  the  kindergarten  age  is  reached.  Indeed,  a 
child  is  never  too  young  to  profit  from  the  appli- 
cation of  thought  and  knowledge  to  his  treatment. 

Of  course,  the  training  value  of  the  school's 
work  is  not  to  be  underestimated.  The  social  in- 
tercourse that  the  child  experiences  there,  the  reg- 
ularity of  hours,  the  teacher's  personality,  all  have 
their  favorable  influence  in  the  molding  of  the 
child's  character.  But  neither  must  we  overesti- 
mate the  powers  of  the  school.  The  school  has  the 

24 


YOU  AND  YOUR  CHILD 

child  but  a  few  hours  a  day,  for  barely  more  than 
half  the  year;  the  classes  are  unconscionably 
large.  We  all  hope  that  the  classes  will  be  made 
smaller,  but  they  never  can  be  small  enough,  within 
our  own  times,  for  the  purpose  of  really  effective 
moral  training.  The  relations  between  teacher  and 
pupil  can  never  be  as  intimate  as  are  those  of 
parent  and  child.  The  teacher  knows  the  child, 
as  a  rule,  only  as  a  member  of  a  group  and  under 
special  circumstances;  the  parents  alone  have  the 
opportunity  to  know  closely  the  individual  peculiar- 
ities of  the  child;  they  alone  can  know  him  in 
health  and  in  sickness,  in  joy  and  in  sorrow,  in  his 
strength  and  in  his  weakness.  The  parents  can 
watch  their  child  from  day  to  day,  year  after  year ; 
whereas  the  teacher  sees  the  child  for  a  compara- 
tively short  period  of  his  development,  and  then 
passes  him  on  to  another. 

The  time  was — and  for  most  of  our  children 
still  is — when  the  teacher  had  to  know  nothing 
but  her  "  subjects  " ;  the  nature  of  the  child  was  to 
her  as  great  a  mystery  as  it  is  to  the  ordinary  per- 
son who  never  learned  anything  about  it.  She  was 
supposed  to  deal  with  the  "  average "  child  that 
does  not  exist,  and  to  attempt  the  futile  task  of 
drawing  the  laggard  up  to  this  arbitrary  average 
and  of  holding  the  genius  down  to  it.  The  effort 

25 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

is  being  made  to  have  the  teacher  recognize  the 
individuality  of  each  child;  but  the  mother  is  still 
expected  to  confine  her  ministrations  to  his  indi- 
vidual digestion. 

In  a  dozen  different  ways  the  effective  methods 
in  the  treatment  of  children,  at  home  or  in  school, 
in  the  church  or  on  the  playground,  depend  upon 
knowledge  and  understanding,  as  is  the  case  in  all 
practical  activities.  Instincts  alone  are  never  suf- 
ficient to  tell  us  what  to  do,  notwithstanding  the 
fact  that  so  much  really  valuable  work  has  been 
achieved  in  the  past  without  any  special  training. 

It  may  be  true  that  in  the  past  the  instincts  of 
the  child  adapted  him  to  the  needs  of  life.  It  may 
also  be  true  that  the  instincts  of  adults  adapted 
them  in  the  past  to  their  proper  treatment  of  chil- 
dren. We  should  realize,  however,  that  the  condi- 
tions of  modern  life  are  so  complex  that  few  of 
us  know  just  what  to  do  under  given  conditions 
unless  we  have  made  a  special  effort  to  find  out. 
And  this  is  just  as  true  of  the  treatment  of  chil- 
dren as  it  is  of  the  care  of  the  health,  or  of  the 
building  of  bridges.  It  is  for  this  reason  that  the 
results  of  child  study  are  important  to  all  who 
have  to  do  with  children — whether  as  teachers  or 
as  parents,  whether  as  club  leaders  or  as  directors 

26 


YOU  AND  YOUR  CHILD 

of  institutions,  whether  as  social  workers  or  as 
loving  uncles  and  aunts. 

It  is  impossible  to  guarantee  to  anyone  that  a 
study  of  child  nature  will  enable  him  or  her  to 
train  children  into  models  of  good  behavior. 
Knowledge  alone  does  not  always  produce  the  de- 
sired results;  nevertheless,  an  understanding  of 
the  child  should  enable  those  who  have  to  deal  with 
him  to  assume  an  attitude  that  will  reduce  in  a 
great  measure  their  annoyance  at  the  various  awk- 
ward and  inconsiderate  and  mischievous  acts  of  the 
youngsters.  Such  a  study  should  make  possible 
a  closer  intimacy  with  the  child.  And,  finally,  it 
should  make  possible  a  longer  continuance  of  that 
intimacy  with  the  child,  which  is  so  helpful  for 
those  in  authority  as  well  as  for  the  child  himself. 


II. 

THE  PROBLEM  OF  PUNISHMENT 

PICTURE  to  yourself  a  dark  hallway.  Behind 
the  door  stands  an  indignant  mother  with  a  strap 
in  her  hand.  It  is  past  the  dinner  hour  and  William 
has  not  yet  returned.  But  here  he  is  now.  He 
comes  bounding  up  the  steps,  radiantly  happy,  and 
under  each  arm  a  pumpkin.  He  bursts  into  the 
house.  His  mother  seizes  him  by  the  shoulder  and 
proceeds  to  apply  the  strap  where  she  thinks  it 
will  do  the  most  good.  The  little  boy  is  William 
J.  Stillman,  and  the  story  is  told  in  his  autobiog- 
raphy. He  tells  how  just  an  hour  before  dinner 
a  neighboring  farmer  had  asked  him  to  go  to  his 
field  to  shake  down  the  fruit  from  two  apple  trees. 
William  was  so  glad  to  do  something  for  which  he 
would  receive  pay  that  he  allowed  the  work  to 
trench  upon  his  dinner-time.  The  two  large  pump- 
kins he  brought  were  his  pay,  and  he  knew  that 
they  meant  a  great  deal  to  his  needy  family.  Still- 
man,  in  writing  of  the  incident,  continues:  "It  is 
more  than  sixty  years  since  that  punishment  fell 
on  my  shoulders,  but  the  astonishment  with  which 
I  received  the  flogging,  instead  of  the  thanks  which 

28 


THE  PROBLEM  OF  PUNISHMENT 

I  anticipated  for  the  wages  I  was  bringing  her,  the 
haste  with  which  my  mother  administered  it  lest 
my  father  should  anticipate  her  and  beat  me  after 
his  own  fashion,  are  as  vivid  in  my  recollection  as 
if  it  had  taken  place  yesterday." 

While  I  hope  that  not  many  of  us  are  guilty 
of  such  flagrant  abuse  of  our  power  as  is  described 
above,  still  I  am  certain  that  on  many  occasions  we 
punish  just  as  hastily,  without  giving  a  chance  for 
explanation  and  with  as  little  thought  as  to  whether 
"  the  punishment  fits  the  crime." 

I  have  often  been  impressed  by  the  great  in- 
terest that  mothers  take  in  uses  of  punishment  and 
in  kinds  of  punishment.  It  has  sometimes  seemed 
as  if  the  most  valuable  thing  which  they  could 
carry  away  with  them  from  some  child-study  meet- 
ing was  a  new  kind  of  punishment  for  some  very 
common  offence.  I  have  frequently  felt  as  if  the 
only  contact  some  mothers  have  with  their  children 
is  to  punish  them,  and  that  punishment  constituted 
the  chief  part  of  the  poor  children's  training. 

Now,  punishment  undoubtedly  has  a  place  in 
the  training  of  children,  but  only  a  negative  place. 
The  proper  punishment,  administered  in  the  right 
spirit,  may  cure  or  correct  a  fault;  but  punishment 
does  not  make  children  good.  If  children  are  pun- 
ished frequently,  it  may  even  make  them  bad. 

29 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

We  can  all  remember  some  of  the  punishments 
of  our  own  childhood.  How  unjust  they  seemed 
then,  and  do  even  now,  after  all  these  years  to  heal 
the  wounds!  How  outraged  we  felt!  Into  how 
unloving  a  mood  they  put  us ! 

The  history  of  punishment  for  criminals  shows 
us  three  stages.  With  primitive  peoples  and  in 
early  times  the  first  impulse  is  to  "  get  even  "  or 
to  "  strike  back."  "  An  eye  for  an  eye  " — nothing 
less  would  do.  Then  comes  a  stage  in  which  pun- 
ishment is  used  to  frighten  people  from  wrong- 
doing and  as  a  warning — a  deterrent  for  others. 
Gradually,  very,  very  slowly,  as  we  become  more 
civilized  and  develop  moral  insight — develop  a  love 
for  humanity — we  come  to  recognize  that  the  only 
legitimate  purpose  of  punishment  in  the  treatment 
of  offenders  is  *o  redeem  their  characters,  to  make 
them  positively  better,  not  merely  frighten  them 
into  a  state  of  apparent  right-doing — that  is,  a 
state  of  avoiding  wrong-doing. 

It  is  said  that  each  individual  in  his  develop- 
ment lives  over  the  experiences  of  the  race.  How 
each  of  us  passes  through  the  three  attitudes  to- 
ward punishment  is  very  interestingly  shown  by  a 
study  that  was  made  some  years  ago  on  3000  school 
children,  to  find  out  their  own  ideas  about  punish- 
ment. Miss  Margaret  E.  Schallenberger  sent  out 

30 


THE  PROBLEM  OF  PUNISHMENT 

the  following  story  and  query  and  had  the  answers 
tabulated : 

Jennie  had  a  beautiful  new  box  of  paints;  and  in  the 
afternoon,  while  her  mother  was  gone,  she  painted  all  the 
chairs  in  the  parlor,  so  as  to  make  them  look  nice  for  her 
mother.  When  the  mother  came  home,  Jennie  ran  to  meet 
her  and  said :  "  Oh,  mamma,  come  and  see  how  pretty  I 
have  made  the  parlor."  But  her  mamma  took  her  paints 
away  and  sent  her  to  bed.  If  you  had  been  her  mother, 
what  would  you  have  done  or  said  to  Jennie  ? 

In  the  answers  the  most  striking  thing  is  the 
range  of  reasons  given  by  the  children  for  punish- 
ing Jennie.  There  are  three  prominent  reasons. 

The  first  is  clearly  for  revenge.  Jennie  was  a 
bad  girl;  she  made  her  mother  unhappy;  she  must 
be  made  unhappy.  She  made  her  mother  angry; 
she  must  be  made  angry.  A  boy  of  ten  says :  "I 
would  have  sent  Jennie  to  bed  and  not  given  her 
any  supper,  and  then  she  would  get  mad  and  cry." 
One  boy  of  nine  says :  "  If  I  had  been  that  woman 
I  would  have  half  killed  her."  A  sweet  (  ?)  little 
girl  would  make  her  "  paint  things  until  she  is  got 
enough  of  it."  Another  girl :  "  If  I  had  been 
Jennie's  mother,  I  would  of  painted  Jennie's  face 
and  hands  and  toes.  I  would  of  switched  her 
well.  I  would  of  washed  her  mouth  out  with  soap 

31 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

and  water,  and  I  should  stand  her  on  the  floor  for 
half  an  hour." 

This  view  was  taken  mostly  by  the  younger 
children. 

The  second  reason  for  punishing  is  to  prevent 
a  repetition  of  the  act.  A  thirteen  year  old  girl 
says :  "  I  would  take  the  paints  away  and  not  let 
her  have  them  until  she  learned  not  to  do  that 
again."  When  a  threat  is  used  it  is  with  the  same 
idea  in  view :  "  I  wouldn't  do  anything  just  then, 
but  I  would  have  said :  'If  you  do  that  any  more 
I  would  whip  you  and  send  you  to  bed  besides !  * 
All  trace  of  revenge  has  disappeared. 

The  third  stage  of  punishment  is  higher  still. 
Jennie  is  punished  in  order  to  reform  her.  In  the 
previous  examples  the  act  was  all-important.  Now 
Jennie  and  her  moral  condition  come  into  the  fore- 
ground. None  of  the  younger  children  take  the 
trouble  to  explain  to  Jennie  why  it  was  wrong  to 
paint  the  parlor  chairs.  A  large  percentage  of  the 
older  ones  do  so  explain. 

A  country  boy  of  fourteen  says :  "  I  would  have 
took  her  with  me  into  the  parlor,  and  I  would  have 
talked  to  her  about  the  injury  she  had  done  to  the 
chairs,  and  talked  kindly  to  her,  and  explained  to 
her  that  the  paints  were  not  what  was  put  on  chairs 
to  make  them  look  nice." 

3* 


THE  PROBLEM  OF  PUNISHMENT 

A  girl  of  sixteen  says :  "  I  think  that  the 
mother  was  very  unwise  to  lose  her  temper  over 
something  which  the  child  had  done  to  please  her. 
I  think  it  would  have  been  far  wiser  in  her  to  have 
kissed  the  little  one,  and  then  explained  to  her  how 
much  mischief  she  had  done  in  trying  to  please  her 
mother." 

We  can  see  from  this  study  that  the  children 
themselves  are  capable  of  reaching  a  rather  lofty 
attitude  toward  wrong-doing  and  punishment,  yet 
these  children  when  grown  up — that  is,  we  our- 
selves— so  frequently  return  to  a  more  primitive 
way  of  looking  at  these  problems.  In  punishing 
our  children  we  go  back  to  the  method  of  the  five- 
and  six-year-old. 

What  is  the  reason  for  our  apparent  back- 
sliding? Is  it  not  plainly  the  fact  that  we 
allow  ourselves  to  be  mastered  by  the  animal  in- 
stinct to  strike  back?  When  the  child  does  some- 
thing that  causes  annoyance  or  even  damage,  do 
we  stop  to  consider  his  motive,  his  "  intent,"  or 
do  we  only  respond  to  the  result  of  his  action?  Do 
we  have  a  studied  policy  for  treating  his  offence, 
or  do  we  slide  back  to  the  instinct  to  "  get  even  " 
or  to  "  pay  him  "  for  what  he  has  done  ? 

Sometimes  a  very  small  offence  will  have  grave 
3  33 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

consequences,  while  a  really  serious  fault  may  cause 
but  little  trouble. 

Here,  for  instance,  is  Harry,  who  was  so  in- 
tent upon  chasing  the  woodchuck  that  he  ran 
through  the  new-sown  field,  trampling  down  the 
earth.  He  caused  considerable  damage.  If  your 
punishment  assumes  the  proportion  dictated  by  the 
anger  which  the  harm  caused,  he  certainly  will  be 
dealt  with  severely.  Knowing  that  he  had  not 
meant  to  do  wrong,  he  cannot  help  but  feel  the  in- 
justice of  your  wrath.  Of  course,  he  has  been 
careless  and  he  must  be  impressed  with  the  harm 
such  carelessness  can  cause.  Whether  you  lock  him 
in  a  room  or  deprive  him  of  some  special  pleasure, 
or  whether  you  merely  talk  to  him,  depends  upon 
you  and  upon  Harry.  But  one  thing  must  be  cer- 
tain: Harry  must  not  get  the  notion  that  you  are 
avenging  yourself  upon  him  for  the  harm  he  has 
done,  or  for  the  ill-feeling  aroused  by  his  act — 
he  must  not  feel  that  "  you  are  taking  it  out  of 
him  "  because  you  have  been  made  angry. 

This  brings  us  to  the  old  rule:  Never  punish 
in  anger. 

On  the  other  hand,  while  we  must  allow  every 
trace  of  anger  to  disappear,  we  must  not  allow  so 
much  time  to  elapse  as  to  make  the  child  lose  the 
connection  between  his  act  and  the  consequence.  A 

34 


THE  PROBLEM  OF  PUNISHMENT 

little  boy  at  breakfast  threw  some  salt  upon  his 
sister's  apple  in  a  spirit  of  mischief.  The  mother 
sent  him  out  of  the  room  and  told  him  that  he 
would  have  to  go  to  bed  two  hours  earlier  than 
usual  that  night  as  a  punishment  for  his  misdeed. 
Now  we  all  know  that  "  the  days  of  youth  are  long, 
long  days,"  and  the  many  events  of  that  day  had 
completely  crowded  out  of  the  little  boy's  mind  the 
trivial,  impulsive  act  of  the  morning.  The  punish- 
ment could  not  arouse  in  him  any  feeling  but  that 
of  unjust  privation. 

This  particular  case  illustrates  three  other  prob- 
lems in  connection  with  punishment.  In  the  first 
place,  nothing  that  is  considered  desirable  or  bene- 
ficial should  be  brought  into  disfavor  by  being  used 
as  a  punishment.  Sleep  is  a  blessing,  and,  it  may 
be  said  in  general,  no  healthy  child  gets  too  much 
of  it.  By  imposing  two  hours  of  additional  sleep 
upon  the  child  the  mother  discredits  sleeping.  It 
isn't  logical.  It  is  as  unreasonable  as  that  once 
favorite  punishment  of  teachers,  now  rapidly  being 
discarded,  of  keeping  children  after  school.  On 
the  one  side  they  are  told  how  grateful  they  should 
be  for  this  great  boon  of  education,  and  for  being 
allowed  to  come  to  school,  and  then  they  are  told: 
'  You  have  been  very  bad  and  troublesome  to-day ; 

35 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

as  a  punishment  you  shall  have  an  extra  hour  of 
this  great  privilege." 

The  second  point  is  that  no  punishment  should 
ever  deprive  a  child  of  conditions  that  are  necessary 
for  his  health  or  impose  conditions  that  are  harm- 
ful. And,  finally,  it  is  not  wise  to  exaggerate 
the  importance  of  trivial  acts  by  treating  them  too 
seriously.  The  little  boy  tried  to  be  "  smart " 
when  he  threw  that  salt.  With  nearly  every  child 
it  would  be  sufficient,  in  a  case  like  this,  to  make 
him  feel  that  it  was  really  very  silly  and  that  he 
had  made  himself  ridiculous  in  the  eyes  of  the 
family. 

Very  often  the  seriousness  of  a  child's  offence 
is  greatly  exaggerated.  We  must  not  waste  our 
ammunition  on  these  small  matters;  if  we  use  our 
strongest  terms  of  disapproval  for  the  many  little 
everyday  vexations,  we  shall  be  left  quite  without 
resource  when  something  really  serious  does  occur. 
Children  are  very  sensitive  to  such  exaggerations, 
and  their  attention  is  so  much  taken  up  with  the 
injustice  of  making  a  big  ado  about  such  trifles 
that  they  overlook  what  is  reprehensible  in  their 
own  conduct. 

Some  of  the  greatest  authorities  believe  that  a 
child  should  be  allowed  to  suffer  the  consequences 
of  his  deeds.  We  should  borrow  from  nature, 

36 


THE  PROBLEM  OF  PUNISHMENT 

they  say,  her  method  of  dealing  with  offenders.  If 
a  child  touches  fire  he  will  be  burnt,  and  each  time 
the  same  effect  will  follow  his  deed.  Why  not  let 
our  punishments  be  as  certain  and  uniform  in  their 
reaction?  To  a  certain  extent  this  plan  can  be  fol- 
lowed. If  a  little  girl  stubbornly  refuses  to 
wear  her  mittens,  it  is  all  right  to  let  her  suffer  the 
consequences,  the  natural  consequences — and  let 
her  hands  get  quite  cold. 

But  this  principle  cannot  be  consistently  applied 
as  a  general  method.  If  a  child  insists  upon  leaning 
far  out  of  the  window  it  would  be  foolish  to  let 
him  suffer  the  consequences  and  fall,  possibly  to 
his  death.  Part  of  our  function  is  to  prevent  our 
children  from  suffering  all  the  possible  conse- 
quences of  their  actions.  We  are  here  to  guide 
them  and  to  protect  them. 

To  abandon  the  child  to  the  natural  conse- 
quences of  his  moral  actions  would  be  even  more 
harmful,  for  very  often  we  must  separate  the  child 
from  his  fault.  This  is  true  in  a  double  sense.  In 
the  first  place,  we  are  concerned  chiefly  in  removing 
the  child's  faults,  as  a  physician  seeks  to  separate 
a  patient  from  his  sickness.  But  we  must  also 
avoid  the  error  of  identifying  any  fault  with  the 
fundamental  nature  of  the  child;  that  is,  we  must 
keep  before  us  the  character  of  the  child  as  dis- 

37 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

tinct  from  the  wrong  acts  which  the  child  may 
commit.  If  a  child  lies,  that  does  not  make  of  him 
a  liar,  any  more  than  does  his  failure  to  under- 
stand what  he  has  just  been  told  make  of  him  a 
blockhead.  Yet  the  natural  consequence  of  lying, 
for  instance,  is  to  be  mistrusted  in  the  future — 
to  be  branded  a  liar.  This,  however,  is  one  of  the 
worst  things  that  can  happen  to  a  child,  and  one  of 
the  surest  ways  of  making  him  a  habitual  liar. 
Many  children  pass  through  a  stage  in  which  they 
instinctively  have  the  feeling  which  is  expressed  in 
the  saying:  "  If  I  have  the  name,  I  may  as  well 
have  the  game."  We  must  show  the  child  that  we 
have  unbounded  confidence  in  him,  otherwise  he 
will  lose  faith  in  himself. 

It  is  clear,  then,  that  the  "  natural  "  method  will 
not  work  in  such  cases,  for  the  impulse  to  condemn 
the  child  after  he  has  committed  a  wrong  deed, 
instead  of  condemning  the  deed,  may  merely  help 
to  fix  upon  him  the  habit  of  committing  similar 
deeds  in  the  future. 

In  Nature,  too,  the  same  punishment  invariably 
follows  the  same  offence.  If  we  try  to  imitate  that 
method,  the  child  soon  learns  what  he  has  to  reckon 
with.  If  the  child  knows  that  a  certain  action  will 
produce  a  certain  result,  he  often  thinks  it  is 
worth  the  price.  Then  the  child  feels  that  he  has 

38 


THE  PROBLEM  OF  PUNISHMENT 

had  his  way,  and,  having  paid  the  price,  the  account 
is  squared;  so  he  feels  justified  in  doing  the  same 
thing  again.  In  following  this  course  we  defeat 
our  own  ends,  as  this  kind  of  punishment  does 
not  act  as  a  fine  moral  deterrent. 

Scolding  as  a  punishment  is  also  not  efficacious. 
We  are  justified  in  having  our  indignation  aroused 
at  times  and  in  letting  the  offender  feel  our  dis- 
pleasure. There  is  something  calm  and  impressive 
about  genuine  indignation,  while  scolding  is  apt  to 
become  nagging  and  to  arouse  contempt  in  the 
child. 

When  we  consider  the  many  difficulties  of  find- 
ing a  punishment  exactly  fitted  to  the  offence  in  a 
way  that  will  make  the  offender  avoid  repetition, 
we  are  tempted  to  resort  to  sermonizing  and  reason- 
ing, for  through  our  words  we  hope  at  times  to 
establish  in  the  child's  mind  a  direct  relation  be- 
tween his  conduct  and  the  undesirable  consequences 
that  spring  from  it. 

In  doing  this,  however,  we  should  not  speak  in 
generalities,  but  bring  before  the  child's  mind  con- 
crete examples  of  his  own  objectionable  acts  from 
recent  experience.  It  is  useless  to  tell  John  how 
important  it  is  to  be  punctual  and  let  it  go  at  that ; 
it  is  not  enough  even  to  tell  him  that  he  often  fails 
to  be  on  time.  If  you  can  remind  him  that  he  was 

39 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

late  for  dinner  on  Wednesday,  missed  the  letter- 
carrier  twice  last  month,  and  delayed  attending  to 
an  errand  Monday  until  all  the  shops  were  closed, 
you  have  him  where  he  can  understand  your  point. 
Mary  will  listen  respectfully  enough  to  a  homily 
on  being  considerate,  but  it  will  have  little  effect 
upon  her  compared  to  bringing  before  her  a  picture 
of  some  of  her  actions:  how,  instead  of  coming 
right  home  from  school  the  day  you  were  not  feel- 
ing well,  and  helping  you  with  some  of  your  tasks, 
she  had  gone  to  visit  a  friend  just  that  afternoon. 

But  reasoning  with  a  child  often  fails  to  accom- 
plish its  purpose,  because  the  child's  reasoning  is 
so  different  from  that  of  an  adult.  Unless  there 
is  a  nearly  perfect  understanding  of  the  workings 
of  the  child's  mind,  reasoning  is  frequently  futile. 
A  seven-year-old  boy  who  had  received  a  long 
lecture  on  the  impropriety  of  keeping  dead  crabs  in 
his  pockets  said,  after  it  was  all  over:  "  Well,  they 
were  alive  when  I  put  them  in.  You  are  wasting 
a  lot  of  my  precious  time."  These  little  brains  have 
a  way  of  working  out  combinations  that  seem  weird 
to  us  grown-ups. 

Only  with  a  child  of  a  certain  type  and  a  parent 
able  to  understand  the  workings  of  his  mind  may 
the  method  of  reasoning  work  satisfactorily  in  cor- 


THE  PROBLEM  OF  PUNISHMENT 

recting  faults  and  establishing  good  habits  and 
ideals. 

No  discussion  of  this  subject  would  be  com- 
plete without  a  word  on  corporal  punishment.  It 
is  impossible  here  to  present  all  the  arguments  for 
or  against  it.  I  am  sure,  however,  that  the  most 
enthusiastic  advocates  of  it  will  admit  that  it  is  not 
always  practised  with  discretion  and  that  it  is  in 
most  cases  not  only  unnecessary  but  positively 
harmful.  Children  that  are  treated  like  animals 
will  behave  like  animals;  violence  and  brutality  do 
not  bring  out  the  best  in  a  child's  nature.  It  would 
seem  that  intelligent  parents  do  not  need  to  resort 
to  such  methods  in  the  training  of  normal  children. 

As  suggested  by  our  veteran  novelist,  William 
Dean  Howells,  we  have  clung  to  the  wisdom  of 
Solomon,  in  this  respect,  through  centuries  of 
changing  conditions.  Solomon  said :  "  Spare  the 
rod  and  spoil  the  child  " ;  Mr.  Howells  suggests 
that  we  might  with  profit  spoil  the  rod  and  spare 
the  child.  In  the  small  families  of  to-day  there 
is  no  need  to  cling  to  the  methods  that  may  have 
worked  well  enough  with  the  Oriental,  polygamous 
despot,  who  never  could  know  all  his  children  in- 
dividually, and  it  is  therefore  hardly  necessary  to 
use  Solomon  as  our  authority. 

It  is  plain,  then,  that  it  is  impossible  to  recom- 
41 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

mend  any  punishment  as  the  correct  one,  or  even 
to  recommend  any  one  infallible  rule.  This  must 
depend  upon  the  parent,  upon  the  child,  and  upon 
the  circumstances.  But  there  are  certain  definite 
principles  which  we  must  keep  in  mind  and  which 
will  do  much  toward  making  our  task  of  discipline 
more  rational: 

We  must  never  punish  in  anger. 

We  must  consider  the  motive  and  the  tempta- 
tions before  the  consequence  of  the  deed. 

We  must  condemn  the  deed  and  not  the  child. 

We  must  be  sure  that  the  child  understands  ex- 
actly the  offence  with  which  he  is  charged. 

We  must  be  sure  that  he  sees  the  relation  of  the 
offence  to  the  punishment. 

We  must  never  administer  any  excessive  or  un- 
usual punishment. 

We  must  not  exaggerate  the  magnitude  of  the 
offence. 

If  we  keep  these  principles  in  mind  we  may  not 
always  be  right,  but  we  shall  certainly  be  right 
more  often  than  if  we  had  no  policy  or  definite 
ideas.  But,  above  all,  we  must  recognize  that  pun- 
ishment is  only  a  corrective,  and  that  it  is  our  duty 
to  build  up  the  positive  virtues.  Let  us  expend  our 
energy  in  the  effort  to  establish  good  habits  and 
ideals,  and  the  child  will  shed  many  of  the  faults 

42 


THE  PROBLEM  OF  PUNISHMENT 

which  now  occupy  the  centre  of  our  interest  and 
attention. 

In  a  family  where  the  proper  spirit  of  intimacy 
and  mutual  understanding  and  forbearance  reigns 
punishment  will  be  relegated  to  its  proper  place — 
namely,  the  medicine  closet — and  not  be  used  as 
daily  bread.  For  punishment  is  a  medicine — a 
corrective — and  when  we  administer  it  we  must  do 
so  in  the  spirit  of  the  physician.  We  do  not  wish  to 
be  quacks  and  have  one  patent  remedy  to  cure  all 
evils;  but,  like  physicians  worthy  of  their  trust,  we 
must  study  the  ailment  and  its  causes,  and  above 
all  must  we  study  the  patient.  The  same  remedy 
will  not  do  for  all  constitutions.  Therefore  the 
punishment  must  not  only  fit  the  crime,  but  it  must 
also  be  made  to  fit  the  "  criminal." 

Love  and  patience  are  the  secret  of  child  management 
Love  which  can  force  a  response  from  the  chilliest  soul; 
patience  which  knows  how  to  wait  for  the  harvest. 


III. 

WHEN  YOUR  CHILD  IMAGINES  THINGS 

JOHNNY  was  playing  in  the  room  while  his 
mother  was  sewing  at  the  window.  Johnny  looked 
out  of  the  window  and  exclaimed,  "  Oh,  mother, 
see  that  great  big  lion !  " 

His  mother  looked,  but  saw  only  a  medium- 
sized  dog. 

"  Why,  Johnny,"  replied  the  mother,  "  how  can 
you  say  such  a  thing?  You  know  very  well  that 
was  only  a  dog.  Now  go  right  in  the  corner  and 
pray  to  God  to  forgive  you  for  telling  such  a  lie !  " 

Johnny  went.  When  he  came  back,  he  said 
triumphantly,  "  See,  mother,  God  said  He  thought 
it  was  a  lion  Hisself." 

This  poor  mother  is  a  typical  example  of  a  large 
class  of  mothers  who  fail  to  understand  their  chil- 
dren because  they  have  no  idea  of  what  goes  on 
in  the  child's  mind.  To  Johnny  the  lion  was  just 
as  real  as  the  dog  was  to  the  mother.  And  even  if 
the  dog  had  not  been  there  for  the  mother  to  see, 
Johnny  could  have  seen  just  as  real  a  lion. 

Every  mother  ought  to  know  that  practically 
every  healthy  child  has  imagination.  You  will  have 
to  take  a  long  day's  journey  to  find  a  child  that  has 

44 


WHEN  YOUR  CHILD  IMAGINES  THINGS 

no  imagination  to  begin  with — and  then  you  will 
find  that  this  child  is  wonderfully  uninteresting,  or 
actually  stupid. 

You  can  easily  observe  for  yourself  that  as 
soon  as  a  child  knows  a  large  number  of  objects  and 
persons  and  names  he  will  begin  to  rearrange  his 
bits  of  knowledge  into  new  combinations,  and  in 
this  way  make  a  little  world  of  his  own.  In  this 
world,  beasts  and  furniture  and  flowers  talk  and 
have  adventures.  When  the  dew  is  on  the  grass, 
"  the  grass  is  crying."  Butterflies  are  "  flying  pan- 
sies."  Lightning  is  the  "  sky  winking,"  and  so 
on.  This  activity  of  the  child's  mind  begins  at 
about  two  years,  and  reaches  its  height  between  the 
ages  of  four  and  six.  But  it  continues  through  life 
with  greater  or  less  intensity,  according  to  circum- 
stances and  original  disposition. 

It  is  not  only  the  poet  and  artist  who  need  im- 
agination, but  all  of  us  in  our  everyday  concerns. 
Do  you  realize  that  the  person  to  whom  you  like  so 
much  to  talk  about  your  affairs,  because  she  is  so 
sympathetic,  is  sympathetic  because  she  has  imagi- 
nation ?  For  without  imagination  we  cannot  "  put 
ourselves  in  the  place  of  another,"  and  much  of 
the  misery  in  the  relation  between  human  beings 
exists  because  so  many  of  us  are  unable  to  do  this. 
The  happy  cannot  realize  the  needs  of  the  miserable, 

45 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

and  the  miserable  cannot  understand  why  anyone 
should  be  happy — if  they  lack  imagination. 

The  need  for  imagination,  far  from  being  con- 
fined to  dreamers  and  persons  who  dwell  in  the 
clouds,  is  of  great  practical  importance  in  the  de- 
velopment of  mind  and  character.  Imagination  is 
a  direct  help  in  learning,  and  in  developing  sym- 
pathy. As  one  of  our  great  moral  leaders,  Felix 
Adler,  has  said,  much  of  the  selfishness  of  the  world 
is  due,  not  to  actual  hard-heartedness,  but  to  lack 
of  imaginative  power. 

We  all  know  the  classic  example  of  Queen 
Marie  Antoinette,  who,  when  told  that  the  people 
were  rioting  for  want  of  bread,  exclaimed,  "  Why, 
let  them  eat  cake  instead !  "  Brought  up  in  lux- 
ury, she  could  not  realize  what  absolute  want  means. 
She  had  no  imagination. 

The  world  has  progressed,  but  we  still  have 
among  us  the  same  type  of  unfortunate  persons  who 
are  unable  to  put  themselves  in  the  place  of  others. 
I  recently  heard  of  a  woman  who,  on  being  told  of 
a  family  so  poor  that  they  had  had  nothing  but 
cold  potatoes  for  supper  the  night  before,  replied : 

'''  They  may  be  poor,  but  the  mother  must  be  a 
very  bad  housekeeper,  anyway.  For,  even  if  they 
had  nothing  but  potatoes  to  eat,  she  might  at  least 
have  fried  them." 

46 


WHEN  YOUR  CHILD  IMAGINES  THINGS 

Like  her  royal  prototype,  this  modern  woman 
had  not  the  imagination  to  realize  that  a  family 
could  be  so  poor  as  to  be  in  want  of  fuel. 

But  being  able  to  put  yourself  in  the  place  of 
another  is  of  importance  not  only  from  the  strictly 
moral  point  of  view.  You  can  easily  see  how  it 
will  affect  one's  everyday  relations,  how  it  will  be 
of  great  help  in  avoiding  misunderstandings  of  all 
kinds — as  between  mother  and  child,  between  mis- 
tress and  maid,  etc. 

If  parents  would  only  realize  this  importance 
of  imagination,  and  not  look  upon  it  as  a  "  vain 
thing,"  they  would  not  merely  allow  the  child's 
imagination  to  take  its  own  course;  they  would 
actually  make  efforts  to  cultivate  and  encourage  it. 
In  this  way  they  would  not  only  aid  the  child  in 
becoming  a  better  and  more  sympathetic  man  or 
woman,  but  would  also  add  much  to  the  happiness 
of  the  child. 

Unless  we  have  given  special  thought  to  this 
matter,  most  of  us  grown-ups  do  not  appreciate 
how  very  real  the  child's  world  of  make-believe  is 
to  him,  and  how  essential  to  his  happiness  that  we 
do  not  break  into  it  rudely.  When  one  of  my 
boys  was  two  and  a  half  years  old  he  was  one  day 
playing  with  an  imaginary  baby  sister.  A  member 
of  the  household  came  into  the  room,  whereupon 

47 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

he  immediately  broke  out  in  wild  screaming  and 
became  very  much  agitated.  It  took  some  time 
to  quiet  him  and  to  find  out  that  the  cause  of  all 
his  trouble  was  the  fact  that  this  person  had  in- 
advertently stepped  upon  his  imaginary  sister, 
whom  he  had  placed  upon  the  floor.  Before  him 
he  saw  his  little  sister  crushed,  and  great  were  his 
horror  and  grief. 

I  know  from  this  experience  and  many  others 
that  if  we  do  not  enter  into  the  child's  world  and 
try  to  understand  the  working  of  his  mind  we  will 
often  find  him  naughty,  when  he  is  not  naughty  at 
all.  In  the  example  given  it  would  have  been  very 
easy  to  follow  the  first  impulse  to  reprove  the  child 
for  what  seemed  very  unreasonable  conduct  on  his 
part.  And  such  cases  arise  constantly. 

How  completely  the  child  throws  himself  into 
an  imaginary  character  is  shown  by  an  incident 
which  occurred  recently.  A  little  boy  of  four,  who 
had  been  accustomed  to  speak  only  German  at 
home,  was  playing  "  doctor,'*  and  was  so  absorbed 
in  the  play  that  when  dinner-time  came  he  was 
loath  to  abandon  the  role.  His  mother,  to  avoid 
delay,  simply  said,  "  I  think  we  will  invite  the 
doctor  to  have  dinner  with  us,"  and  he  promptly 
accepted  the  invitation.  When  the  maid  came  in, 
he  said  in  English,  "What  is  her  name?" 

48 


WHEN  YOUR  CHILD  IMAGINES  THINGS 

"  Marie,"  the  mother  replied.  "  Isn't  that  Mary  in 
English?"  the  child  politely  inquired.  "You  see, 
I  cannot  speak  German,  for  my  mother  never 
taught  me."  And  although  this  little  boy  never 
spoke  English  to  his  parents  nor  his  parents  to  him, 
as  "  doctor  "  he  spoke  English  throughout  the  meal. 

Many  parents  enter  instinctively  into  the  spirit 
of  their  children's  games,  and  make-believe  with 
the  best  of  them.  They  pity  poor  Johnny  when 
he  screams  with  terror  at  the  attack  of  the  make- 
believe  bear,  and  take  great  joy  in  admiring  the 
make-believe  kitten.  If  we  but  realized  how  all 
this  make-believe  helps  in  the  development  of  char- 
acter and  in  the  gaining  of  knowledge,  all  parents 
would  try  to  develop  the  child's  imagination,  and 
not  only  those  who  have  the  gift  instinctively.  It 
is  the  child's  natural  way  of  learning  things,  of 
getting  acquainted  with  all  living  and  inanimate 
objects  in  his  environment.  It  sharpens  his  obser- 
vation. A  child  who  tries  to  "  act  a  horse,"  for 
example,  will  be  much  more  apt  to  notice  all  the 
different  activities  and  habits  of  the  horse  in  his 
various  relations  than  a  child  who  merely  observes 
passively. 

A  child  with  imagination,  when  receiving  di- 
rections or  instructions,  can  picture  to  himself  what 
he  is  expected  to  do,  and  easily  translates  his  in- 
4  49 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

structions  into  action.  To  the  unimaginative  child 
the  directions  given  will  be  so  many  words,  and  he 
cannot  carry  out  these  instructions  as  effectively. 

Again  and  again  teachers  find  that  pupils'  fail  to 
carry  out  orders,  though  able,  when  asked,  to  re- 
peat word  for  word  the  instructions  given  them. 

The  plaintive  inquiry,  "  What  shall  I  do  now?  " 
is  much  more  frequently  heard  from  the  child 
who  is  unimaginative  or  who  has  had  the  play  of 
his  imagination  curbed.  For  the  child  can  be  what- 
ever he  wishes,  and  have  whatever  he  likes,  his 
heart's  desire  is  at  his  finger's  end,  once  his  imagi- 
nation is  free.  The  rocking-chair  can  be  a  great 
big  ship,  the  carpet  a  rolling  sea,  and  at  most  a 
suggestion  is  needed  from  the  busy  mother.  A 
few  chairs  can  be  a  train  of  cars  and  keep  him 
occupied  for  hours.  A  wooden  box  is  transformed 
into  a  mighty  locomotive — in  fact,  give  an  imagi- 
native child  almost  anything,  a  string  of  beads,  or 
a  piece  of  colored  glass,  and  out  of  it  his  imagi- 
nation will  construct  great  happiness. 

A  normal  child  does  not  need  elaborate  toys. 
The  only  function  of  a  toy,  as  someone  has  well 
said,  is  "  to  serve  as  lay  figures  upon  which  the 
child's  imagination  can  weave  and  drape  its  fancy." 

Although  parents  have  not  always  understood 
50 


WHEN  YOUR  CHILD  IMAGINES  THINGS 

what  goes  on  in  the  child's  mind  when  he  is  so  busy 
with  his  play,  our  poets  and  lovers  of  children 
have  had  a  deeper  insight.  Stevenson,  in  his  poem 
"  My  Kingdom,"  shows  us  how,  with  the  touch  of 
imagination,  the  child  transforms  the  common- 
place objects  of  his  surroundings  into  material  for 
rich  romance: 

Down  by  a  shining  water  well 
I  found  a  very  little  dell, 

No  higher  than  my  head. 
The  heather  and  the  gorse  about 
In  summer  bloom  were  coming  out, 

Some  yellow  and  some  red. 

I  called  the  little  pool  a  sea: 
The  little  hills  were  big  to  me; 

For  I  am  very  small. 
I  made  a  boat,  I  made  a  town, 
I  searched  the  caverns  up  and  down, 

And  named  them  one  and  all. 

And  all  about  was  mine,  I  said, 
The  little  sparrows   overhead, 

The  little  minnows,  too. 
This  was  the  world  and  I  was  king: 
For  me  the  bees  came  by  to  sing, 

For  me   the   swallows   flew. 

I  played  there  were  no  deeper  seas, 
Nor  any  wilder  plains  than  these, 

Nor  other  kings  than  me. 
At  last  I  hear  my  mother  call 
Out  from  the  house  at  evenfall, 

To  call  me  home  to  tea. 

51 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

And  I  must  rise  and  leave  my  dell, 
And  leave  my  dimpled  water  well, 

And  leave  my  heather  blooms. 
Alas!  and  as  my  home  I  neared, 
How  very  big  my  nurse  appeared, 

How  great  and  cool  the  rooms! 

Some  children  do  not  even  need  objects  as  a 
starting  point  for  their  imaginative  activity.  They 
can  just  conjure  up  persons  and  things  to  serve 
as  material  for  their  play.  Many  children,  when 
alone,  have  imaginary  companions.  One  little  boy, 
when  taken  out  for  his  airing,  daily  met  an  imag- 
inary friend,  whom  he  called  "  Buster."  As  soon 
as  he  stepped  out  of  the  house  he  uttered  a  peculiar 
call,  to  which  Buster  replied — though  no  one  but 
he  heard  him — and  he  would  run  to  meet  him  and 
they  would  have  a  lovely  time  together,  sometimes 
for  hours  at  a  stretch. 

Another  little  child  received  a  daily  visit  from 
an  imaginary  cow.  There  was  a  certain  place  in 
the  living-room  where  this  red  cow  with  white 
spots  would  appear.  The  child  would  go  through 
the  motions  of  feeding  her,  patting  her,  and  bring- 
ing her  water. 

In  these  two  cases  the  "  companionship  "  lasted 
but  a  few  months,  but  there  are  children  whose  im- 
aginary companions  grow  up  with  them  and  get 
older  as  they  get  older. 

5* 


Imagination  supplies  this  two-year-old  a  prancing  steed. 


WHEN  YOUR  CHILD  IMAGINES  THINGS 

In  some  instances  there  is  a  group  of  such 
imaginary  companions,  and  their  activities  consti- 
tute "  a  continued  story,"  of  which  the  child  is  a 
living  centre,  although  not  necessarily  the  hero. 

It  seems  to  me  that  the  power  to  create  his  own 
friends  must  be  a  great  boon  to  a  child  who  is 
forced  to  be  alone  a  great  deal  or  has  no  congenial 
companions. 

There  need  be  no  fear — except  perhaps  in  very 
extreme  cases — that  such  activity  of  the  imagi- 
nation is  morbid.  A  little  girl  who  plays  with  her 
dolls  is  really  doing  the  same  thing,  only  that  she 
has  a  symbol  for  each  of  her  imaginary  companions. 

But  although  an  imaginative  child  is  much 
easier  to  teach  later  on,  and  although  he  does  not 
trouble  you  with  the  incessant  nagging  "  What 
shall  I  do  now?"  the  mother  whose  idea  of  good 
conduct  is  "  keeping  quiet "  will  find  the  unimagi- 
native child  much  easier  to  care  for.  He  is  very 
much  less  active  and  therefore  "  less  troublesome." 
This  explains  why  this  priceless  gift  of  imagination 
has  so  often  been  discouraged  by  parents  and 
teachers.  But  they  did  not  know  that  they  were 
actually  harming  the  child  by  so  discouraging  him, 
or,  let  us  hope,  they  would  not  have  chosen  the 
easier  way.  For,  after  all,  we  are  not  looking  for 
the  easiest  way  of  getting  along  with  children, 

53 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

but  for  the  best,  and  the  best  for  them  will  prove 
in  the  end  to  be  the  best  for  us. 

It  must  certainly  try  your  patience,  when  you 
are  tired,  at  the  end  of  a  day's  work,  to  have  Harry 
refuse  to  come  to  be  put  to  bed  because  you  called 
him  "  Harry  " ;  and  he  replies,  perhaps  somewhat 
crossly :  "  I  am  not  Harry,  I  told  you.  I  am  little 
Jack  Horner,  and  I  have  to  sit  in  my  corner."  But 
no  matter  how  hard  it  may  seem,  do  not  get  dis- 
couraged. Once  you  are  fully  aware  of  the  im- 
portance of  what  seems  to  be  but  silly  play,  you 
will  add  this  one  more  to  your  many  sacrifices,  and 
find  that  it  will  bring  returns  a  hundredfold.  And, 
after  all,  as  in  so  many  other  problems,  when  you 
resolve  to  make  the  sacrifice,  it  turns  out  to  be  no 
sacrifice.  For,  once  you  approach  the  problem  in 
an  understanding  spirit,  the  flights  of  the  child's 
imagination  will  give  you  untold  pleasure. 

Another  reason  why  imagination  has  been  sup- 
pressed by  those  who  are  in  charge  of  children  is 
the  fear  that  it  will  lead  to  the  formation  of  habits 
of  untruthfulness.  It  is  very  hard  to  realize,  unless 
you  understand  the  child's  nature,  that  the  child 
is  not  lying  when  he  says  something  that  is  mani- 
festly not  so  to  you  and  the  other  adults.  I  have 
heard  children  reproved  for  lying  when  I  was  sure 
that  they  had  no  idea  of  what  a  "  lie  "  is.  In  one 

54 


WHEN  YOUR  CHILD  IMAGINES  THINGS 

family  an  older  boy  broke  a  plate  and,  when 
charged  with  the  deed,  denied  it  flatly.  His  little 
brother,  however,  confessed  and  described  just  how 
he  had  broken  it.  Now,  the  older  boy  was  telling  a 
falsehood  consciously — probably  from  fear  of  pun- 
ishment. The  little  fellow,  however,  was  not  tell- 
ing an  untruth — from  his  point  of  view.  He 
really  imagined  having  broken  that  plate.  He  had 
heard  the  event  discussed  by  the  family  until  all 
the  incidents  were  vivid  to  him  and  he  pictured 
himself  as  the  hero. 

Up  to  a  certain  time  it  is  impossible  for  the 
child  to  distinguish  between  what  we  call  real  and 
his  make-believe.  Both  are  equally  real  to  him, 
and  the  make-believe  is  ever  so  much  more  inter- 
esting. 

Until  about  the  fifth  year  a  child  does  not  know 
that  he  is  imagining;  between  the  ages  of  four  and 
six  the  imaginative  period  is  at  its  height,  and  there 
begins  to  appear  a  sort  of  undercurrent  of  con- 
sciousness that  it  is  all  make-believe,  and  this 
heightens  the  pleasure  of  trying  to  make  it  seem 
real.  Gradually  the  child  learns  to  distinguish  be- 
tween imaginary  experiences  and  real  ones,  but 
until  you  are  quite  certain  that  he  does  distinguish, 
do  not  attach  any  moral  significance  to  his  stories. 
Should  an  older  child  be  inclined  to  tell  falsehoods, 

55 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

you  may  be  sure  that  this  is  not  because  his  imagi- 
nation has  been  cultivated.  There  are  then  other 
reasons  and  causes,  and  they  must  be  studied  on 
their  own  account. 

After  you  come  to  a  clear  appreciation  of  the 
value  of  imagination  in  the  child's  development  you 
will,  instead  of  suppressing  his  feelings,  look 
around  for  ways  of  encouraging  this  activity  of 
his  mind.  You  will  see  a  new  value  in  fairy  tales 
and  fables  and  a  new  significance  in  every  turn  of 
his  fancy. 


IV. 

THE   LIES    CHILDREN    TELL 

NONE  of  the  petty  vices  of  childhood  appears 
to  shock  adults  so  much  as  lying ;  and  none  is  more 
widespread  among  children — and  among  adults. 
As  we  are  speaking  of  children,  however,  it  is 
enough  to  say  that  all  children  lie — constantly,  per- 
sistently, universally.  Perhaps  you  will  be  less 
grieved  by  the  lies  of  your  children,  and  less  loath 
to  admit  that  they  do  lie,  if  you  realize  that  all 
children  lie.  The  mother  who  tells  you  that  her 
child  never  lies  is  either  deceiving  herself  or  trying 
to  impress  you  with  the  superiority  of  her  o*ff- 
spring.  In  her  case  the  untruth fuhfe'ss  of  child- 
hood has  not  been  remedied. 

However,  although  lying  is  so  common,  that  is 
no  reason  for  ignoring  the  lies  of  children.  They 
have  to  be  taught  to  know  the  truth,  and  to  speak 
it  and  to  act  it.  And  they  can  be  taught.  The 
Psalmist  said,  "  All  men  are  liars  " ;  but  he  spoke 
hastily,  as  he  afterward  learned.  All  of  us  are 
probably  born  with  instincts  that  make  it  easy  for 
us  to  acquire  the  art  of  lying ;  but  we  have  also  the 
instincts  that  make  us  love  the  truth  and  speak  it. 

57 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

Indeed,  a  child  may  acquire  a  hatred  of  untruth 
that  is  so  keen  as  to  be  positively  distressing;  and 
this  condition  is  just  as  morbid  and  undesirable  as 
that  of  the  other  extreme,  which  accepts  lies  as  the 
usual  thing. 

As  in  other  problems  connected  with  the  bring- 
ing up  of  children,  the  first  and  the  last  aim  should 
be  to  understand  the  child,  the  individual,  partic- 
ular child.  Will  your  child  become  a  habitual  liar, 
or  will  he  simply  "  outgrow  "  the  tendency  toward 
untruth  fulness,  as  he  will  leave  other  childish  things 
behind  him?  It  is  impossible  to  tell;  but  for  the 
vast  majority  of  children  a  great  deal  depends  upon 
the  kind  of  treatment  given.  If  you  do  not  treat 
the  lies  of  your  children  under  standingly,  there  is 
the  danger  that  you  will  bring  out  other  character- 
istics, perhaps  even  more  undesirable  ones — such  as 
cruelty,  vindictiveness,  or  even  actual  deceit. 

We  must  recognize  that  there  is  no  general 
faculty  of  lying.  It  is  very  easy  for  us  to  class 
as  lies  every  word  and  every  act  that  is  not  in 
complete  harmony  with  the  facts — as  we  under- 
stand them.  But  there  are  many  kinds  of  lies,  as 
well  as  many  degrees  of  them.  A  child  that  is 
branded  a  liar  has  undoubtedly  given  abundant 
occasion  for  mistrust,  and  has  lied  aplenty;  but 
undoubtedly  also  he  has  specialized  in  his  lying, 

58 


THE  LIES  CHILDREN  TELL 

and  would  be  incapable  of  certain  kinds  of  lies  that 
are  common  enough  with  other  children.  As  we 
are  "the  judges  of  our  children  in  all  of  their  mis- 
deeds, we  must  preserve  not  only  a  judicious  atti- 
tude, but  we  must  really  be  just.  And  to  this  end 
it  is  essential  that  we  take  into  consideration  all 
the  circumstances  that  lead  to  a  lie,  including  the 
motives,  as  well  as  the  special  traits  of  the  par- 
ticular child. 

The  first  thing  that  we  should  keep  always  in 
mind  is  that  the  moral  character  of  the  child  is 
still  unformed,  and  that  his  standards  of  truth,  ,-- 
like  his  other  standards,  are  not  the  same  as  those 
of  the  adult.  Indeed,  this  fact  is  at  the  same  time 
the  hope  of  childhood  and  the  source  of  its  many 
tragedies.  It  is  the  hope  because  the  child  is  grow- 
ing, and  acquiring  new  vision  and  new  powers ;  the 
child  of  to-day  is  the  adult  of  to-morrow,  and 
most  of  the  children  of  to-day  will  be  at  least  as 
developed,  in  time,  as  the  adults  of  to-day.  The 
tragedy  arises  from  the  fact  that  as  we  grow  older 
we  forget  the  outlook  of  the  child,  and  misunder- 
standings between  the  parents  and  the  children  are 
almost  inevitable. 

Whatever  the  prevailing  morality  of  a  commu- 
nity may  demand,  the  fact  remains  that  practically 
all  children  up  to  a  certain  age  consider  it  perfectly 

59 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

legitimate  to  lie  to  their  enemies  if  they  but  tell 
the  truth  to  their  friends.  Children  may  lie  to  the 
policeman,  or  to  the  teacher,  or  to  anyone  with 
whom  they  are  for  the  moment  in  conflict.  This 
is  a  relic  of  the  time  when  our  savage  ancestors 
found  it  necessary  to  practice  deceit  in  order  to 
save  themselves  from  their  enemies.  So  ingrained 
is  this  instinct  that  many  a  child  will  stick  to  a 
falsehood  before  the  teacher  or  other  inquisitors, 
only  to  retract  and  "  go  to  pieces  "  when  obliged 
to  answer  his  mother.  It  has  been  shown  over  and 
over  again  that  children  even  well  along  in  the 
teens  consider  it  quite  right  to  tell  one  story  to  a 
teacher  or  to  another  child  who  is  disliked,  and  a 
different  story  to  one  that  is  liked.  This  attitude 
probably  arises  not  so  much  from  a  desire  to  de- 
ceive as  an  outcome  of  natural  cunning  and  adapta- 
bility. 

This  is  illustrated  by  the  little  girl  who  used 
to  throw  the  crust  of  her  bread  under  the  table,  to 
get  more  soft  bread.  The  child  was  too  young  to 
deceive  anyone;  she  could  not  possibly  have  the 
idea  of  deceit  or  of  lying.  She  had  simply  come 
to  dispose  of  the  crust  in  this  way  because  she  had 
associated  the  arrival  of  more  bread  with  her 
empty-handedness ;  to  throw  the  bread  under  the 
table  was  a  direct  way  to  the  getting  of  what  she 

60 


THE  LIES  CHILDREN  TELL 

wanted.  The  question  of  truth  or  untruth  never 
entered  the  little  mind.  To  treat  this  child  as  a 
liar  would  not  only  be  unjust,  but  would  be  apt  to 
make  the  child  conscious  of  the  idea  of  deceit. 
Later  in  his  development  the  child  may  still  use 
the  same  kind  of  cunning  in  getting  what  he  wants 
or  in  escaping  what  he  does  not  like,  without  the 
intention  to  deceive.  And  a  lie,  to  be  a  lie,  must 
include  that  intention. 

All  students  of  child  nature  agree  that  a  very 
young  child — say  before  the  age  of  four  or  five- 
does  not  lie  consciously.  Later,  the  child  may  say 
many  things  that  are  not  so,  but  gradually  he  comes 
to  recognize  the  difference  between  what  he  says 
and  what  is  really  so;  he  may  need  help  in  coming 
to  see  the  difference,  but  this  aid  should  not  be 
forced  upon  him  too  soon.  A  little  boy  of  five  who 
was  very  imaginative  became  acquainted  with  some 
older  children  in  a  new  neighborhood  who  had  little 
imagination  and  therefore  were  greatly  shocked 
by  Herbert's  "  stories."  They  proceeded  to  inform 
him  that  he  was  lying,  and  to  explain  to  him  what 
a  lie  was.  The  boy  was  very  much  impressed. 
After  he  came  home  he  discovered  that  there  was 
a  great  deal  of  lying  going  on.  He  asked  his  little 
brother,  "  Are  you  older  than  me  ?  " — to  which  the 
little  one  answered  in  the  affirmative.  Herbert 

6x 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

came  running  to  his  mother  to  report  that  the  baby 
had  "  told  a  lie !  "  For  several  weeks  everything 
that  was  said  was  subject  to  the  child's  severe  scru- 
tiny; every  slightest  mistake  was  at  once  labelled 
by  him  as  a  "  lie."  Richard  said  this  is  my  right 
hand,  that  is  a  lie ;  Helen  said  I  may  not  play  with 
the  hammer,  mother  said  I  may,  so  Helen  lied; 
the  maid  said  it  was  time  to  go  to  bed,  but  it  is  only 
five  minutes  to  seven,  so  the  maid  lied.  And  he 
would  delight  especially  in  asking  the  baby  brother 
leading  questions,  to  trap  him  into  saying  lies.  This 
experience  did  not  result  in  making  Herbert  any 
more  scrupulous  in  his  own  speech,  for  his  imagi- 
nation created  interesting  and  dramatic  situations, 
which  he  described  with  zeal  and  enthusiasm,  for 
a  long  time  after  he  had  discovered  "  lies." 

The  young  child  is  really  incapable  of  distin- 
guishing between  his  dreams  and  reality  on  the  one 
hand,  and  between  reality  and  his  day-dreams  or 
imaginings  on  the  other.  A  little  boy  came  home 
from  kindergarten  a  few  days  after  he  had  entered, 
and,  when  the  experience  was  still  full  of  novel- 
ties to  him,  he  described  the  workshop:  each  little 
boy  had  a  pair  of  overalls  with  the  name  across  the 
bib  in  black  letters;  there  was  a  little  locker  for 
each  child,  with  the  name  on  the  outside ;  each  had 
his  set  of  tools  and  his  place  at  the  bench.  Day 

62 


THE  LIES  CHILDREN  TELL 

by  day  he  narrated  his  doings  in  "  school "  and 
reported  the  progress  he  was  making  with  a  little 
"  hair-pin  box "  that  he  intended  for  his  aunt's 
birthday.  On  the  birthday  the  mother  came  to  the 
school  to  see  how  the  boy  was  getting  on ;  and  she 
asked  about  the  hair-pin  box  which  he  was  now  to 
bring  home.  It  then  appeared  that  there  was  no 
shop,  no  overalls,  no  lockers,  no  tools.  The  whole 
story  was  a  creation  of  the  child's  imagination,  and 
all  the  details  he  had  invented  were  real  enough  to 
him  to  be  described  repeatedly  with  such  vividness 
that  no  one  suspected  for  a  moment  that  it  was  all 
a  fabrication.  To  call  such  stories  "  lies  "  would  be 
worse  than  useless.  If  scolding  or  preaching  could 
make  a  child  merely  stop  telling  such  stories,  there 
would  be  no  gain;  if  they  stopped  a  child  thinking 
such  stories,  there  would  be  a  decided  loss. 

Gradually  the  child  may  come  to  recognize  the 
difference  between  the  make-believe  and  the  reality, 
and  he  may  be  helped.  When  at  a  certain  age  you 
think  your  child  ought  to  distinguish  more  clearly 
between  his  imagination  and  cold  facts,  it  would  be 
all  right  to  explain  to  him  that,  although  there  is 
no  harm  in  his  enjoying  his  make-believe,  still  he 
must  not  tell  his  fancies  as  if  they  were  real,  but 
must  tell  them  as  "  make-believe  stories."  That 
will  achieve  the  desired  result  without  making  him 

63 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

feel  hurt  at  your  lack  of  understanding  in  treating 
him  like  an  ordinary  liar  whose  prime  intention  is 
to  deceive.  But  it  is  not  wise  to  force  this  develop- 
ment, even  at  the  risk  of  prolonging  the  age  of 
dreams. 

With  some  children  lying  is  caused  by  their 
aesthetic  instincts.  It  is  much  easier  for  them  to 
describe  a  situation  as  they  feel  it  should  have 
been  than  to  describe  it  as  it  actually  was.  Many 
children  "  embellish  the  facts  "  without  any  trace 
of  intent  to  deceive.  Although  we  recognize  that 
what  they  say  is  not  strictly  the  truth,  we  must 
further  recognize  that  it  is  their  love  of  the  beau- 
tiful or  their  sense  of  the  fitness  of  things  that 
leads  them  to  these  "  exaggerations."  It  is  the 
same  sort  of  instinct  as  shows  itself  in  our  love  of 
certain  kinds  of  fiction.  We  know  that  some  of 
the  happy  endings  in  the  plays  and  in  the  novels 
are  often  far-fetched;  but  we  like  to  have  the 
happy  endings,  or  the  "  poetic  justice "  endings, 
or  the  "  irony  of  fate "  endings,  just  the  same. 
When  the  child  makes  up  his  endings  to  fit  his 
sense  of  justice  or  beauty,  we  must  not  condemn 
him,  as  we  are  often  tempted  to  do,  by  calling  his 
fabrication  a  "  lie,"  for  that  at  once  puts  it  in  the 
same  class  as  deliberate  deceit  for  a  selfish  purpose. 
There  is  really  no  harm  in  this  class  of  lies,  unless, 

64  - 


THE  LIES  CHILDREN  TELL 

as  the  child  grows  older,  it  becomes  apparent 
that  he  lets  his  wishes  and  preferences  interfere 
with  his  vision  of  what  is  actually  going  on.  In 
such  cases  the  remedy  is  not  to  be  found  in  the 
denunciation  of  lying,  but  in  giving  the  child  oppor- 
tunity to  experience  realities  that  cannot  be  treated 
untruthfully.  To  this  end  various  kinds  of  hand 
work  and  scientific  study  have  been  useful.  It  is 
impossible  for  the  child  to  cheat  the  tools  of  the 
workshop  or  his  instruments  of  precision;  it  is  im- 
possible to  make  a  spool  of  thread  do  the  work  of 
two  or  three;  or  one  cannot  make  the  paint  go 
farther  by  applying  the  brush  faster.  It  is  con- 
crete reality  that  can  teach  the  imaginative  child 
reality;  in  the  things  he  learns  from  books  there  is 
no  check  upon  the  imagined  and  the  desired — one 
kind  of  outcome  is  as  likely  and  as  true  as  another. 
But  in  the  experience  of  the  workaday  world  causes 
and  consequences  cannot  be  so  easily  altered  by 
a  trick  of  words. 

Investigation  has  shown  that  the  sentimental  or 
heroic  element  is  one  that  appeals  to  children  so 
strongly  that  it  may  often  lead  to  what  we  adults 
would  call  lies,  or  it  would  seem  to  the  child  to 
justify  lying.  The  confession  to  a  deed  that  he  has 
not  committed,  for  the  purpose  of  saving  a  weaker 
companion  from  punishment  or  injury,  seems  to 
5  65 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

be  a  type  of  lie  that  appeals  strongly  to  most  chil- 
dren. Again  and  again  have  boys — and  girls,  too — 
declared  stoically  that  they  were  guilty  of  some 
dereliction  of  which  they  were  quite  innocent,  to 
shield  a  friend.  And  most  children  not  only 
admire  such  acts,  but  will  seek  to  defend  them  on 
moral  grounds,  even  when  they  are  old  enough  to 
know  what  a  lie  is.  The  explanation  for  this  is  to 
be  found  in  the  fact  that  the  child  sees  every 
situation  or  problem  as  a  whole;  he  has  not  yet 
learned  to  separate  problems  into  their  component 
parts.  A  situation  is  to  him  all  wrong  or  all  right ; 
he  cannot  see  that  a  part  may  be  wrong,  while  an- 
other part  is  right.  Now  in  the  case  of  the  self- 
confessed  culprits,  the  magnanimity  and  heroism 
of  the  act  stand  out  so  prominently  that  they  quite 
overshadow  the  trifling  circumstance  that  the  hero 
did  not  do  the  wicked  deed. 

An  excellent  illustration  of  this  trait  of  child 
nature  came  out  in  an  inquiry  that  was  made  a 
number  of  years  ago.  A  child  replied,  in  answer 
to  the  question  "When  would  a  lie  be  justified?" 
that  if  the  mother's  life  depended  upon  it  one  would 
have  the  moral  duty  of  saying  that  she  "  was  out, 
although  she  was  really  in."  That  is,  it  would  be 
one's  duty  to  make  the  great  moral  sacrifice  of 
speaking  an  untruth  for  the  sake  of  saving  the 

66 


THE  LIES  CHILDREN  TELL 

mother.  Any  child  will  tell  you,  as  did  this  one, 
that  it  would  be  wicked  to  tell  a  lie  to  save  his  own 
life! 

This  suggests  another  type  of  lie  that  is  quite 
common.  Most  children  feel  their  personal  loy- 
alties so  keenly  that  they  would  do  many  things 
that  they  themselves  consider  wrong  for  a  person 
they  love  or  admire.  A  little  girl  was  so  much  im- 
pressed with  the  moral  teachings  of  her  Sunday- 
school  teacher  that  she  was  determined  to  get  her 
a  suitable  Christmas  present.  Now,  the  family  had 
not  the  means  to  supply  such  a  present,  and  Mary 
knew  it,  and  was  greatly  distressed  by  the  fact. 
However,  where  there  is  a  will  there  is  a  way ;  and 
Mary  found  the  way  by  cunningly  stealing  a  mous- 
tache cup  from  a  store  with  the  inspiring  legend 
"  To  dear  Father "  and  beautiful  red  and  blue 
roses  and  gilt  leaves.  Mary  had  learned  that  it 
was  wicked  to  steal  and  to  lie,  etc.,  but  her  heart 
was  set  on  getting  something  for  the  teacher,  not 
for  herself,  and  she  very  unselfishly  risked  her 
moral  salvation  for  the  person  she  loved  and  ad- 
mired. 

It  is  probably  better  for  the  child  if  we  do  not 
push  the  analysis  of  acts  and  motives  too  early, 
for  there  is  more  danger  at  a  certain  age  from 
morbid  self-consciousness  than  from  acquiring 

67 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

vicious  habits.  If  we  recognize  that  many  of  the 
lapses  from  the  paths  of  truth  arise  from  really 
worthy  motives,  we  must  make  sure  that  these 
ideals  become  fixed  before  we  attempt  to  separate 
the  unworthy  act  from  the  commendable  purpose. 

The  cases  so  far  given  show  how  important  it 
is  to  retain  not  only  the  affection  but  also  the  con- 
fidence of  our  children;  and  how  important  it  is  to 
have  right  teachers  and  associates.  The  child  \\  ill 
do  what  he  can  to  please  those  he  really  likes  or 
admires;  but  the  kind  of  thing  he  will  do  will 
depend  a  great  deal  upon  what  those  he  admires 
themselves  like  to  see  done. 

There  are  some  lies  that  are  due  to  faulty 
observation.  We  do  not  often  realize  to  what 
extent  we  supplement  our  sense  perceptions  in 
relating  our  experiences.  Lawyers  tell  us  that 
it  is  very  difficult  to  have  a  witness  relate 
exactly  what  he  saw;  he  is  always  adding  de- 
tails for  completing  the  story  in  accordance 
with  his  interpretation  of  what  he  saw.  This 
is  not  lying  in  any  sense,  but  it  is  relating  as 
alleged  facts  what  are  in  reality  conclusions  from 
facts.  One  may  be  an  unreliable  witness  without 
being  a  liar ;  and  so  may  the  child  tell  us  things  that 
we  know  are  not  so  because,  in  trying  to  tell  a 
complete  story,  he  has  to  supplement  what  he 

68 


THE  LIES  CHILDREN  TELL 

actually  saw  with  what  he  feels  must  have  been 
a  part  of  the  incident.  Defects  of  judgment  as 
well  as  delusions  of  the  senses  or  lapses  of  memory 
may  lead  to  misstatements  that  are  not  really  lies. 
Some  delusions  of  the  senses,  especially  of  sight 
and  of  hearing,  undoubtedly  have  a  physical  cause. 
Another  source  of  comparatively  harmless  lying 
is  the  instinct  for  secretiveness.  Children  just  love 
to  have  secrets,  and  if  there  are  none  on  hand, 
they  have  to  be  invented.  A  child  will  tell  another 
a  secret  on  condition  that  it  be  kept  a  secret;  but 
when  the  secret  is  told  it  turns  out  to  be  a  false- 
hood— perhaps  even  something  libellous.  Now,  the 
child  cannot  feel  that  he  has  done  anything  wicked, 
for  to  his  mind  the  big  thing  is  that  Nellie  promised 
not  to  tell,  and  she  broke  her  promise!  If  she 
had  not  broken  her  promise  to  keep  the  secret,  it 
never  would  have  come  out,  and  no  harm  would 
have  been  done.  Perhaps  we  have  not  yet  suffi- 
ciently driven  secrets  from  our  common  life  to 
demand  that  the  children  shall  be  without  secrets. 
When  we  set  the  children  an  example  of  perfect 
frankness  and  open  dealing  in  all  matters,  we  may 
perhaps  be  in  a  position  to  discourage  the  invention 
of  secrets  by  the  young  people.  Secretiveness  leads 
naturally  to  deceit;  but  it  is  not  in  itself  serious 
enough  to  make  much  ado  about.  Healthy  children 

69 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

in  healthful  social  surroundings  will  outgrow  this 
instinct;  where  the  atmosphere  is  charged  with  in- 
trigue and  scheming  and  dissimulation,  this  instinct 
may  survive  longer,  but  its  manifestation  is  in 
itself  not  a  trait  that  should  give  us  concern. 

Some  children  lie  because  they  are  inclined  to 
brag  or  show  off;  others  for  just  the  opposite 
reason — they  are  too  sensitive  or  timid.  And  a 
lie  that  comes  from  either  side  of  the  child's  nature 
cannot  be  taken  as  a  sign  of  moral  depravity;  the 
treatment  which  a  child  is  given  must  take  into 
consideration  the  child's  temperament.  Charles 
Darwin  tells  of  his  own  inclination  to  make  exag- 
gerated statements  for  the  purpose  of  causing  a 
sensation.  "  I  told  another  little  boy/'  he  writes 
in  his  autobiography,  "  that  I  could  produce  vari- 
ously-colored polyanthuses  and  primroses  by 
watering  them  with  certain  colored  fluids,  which 
was,  of  course,  a  monstrous  fable,  and  had  never 
been  tried  by  me.  I  may  here  also  confess  that  as 
a  little  boy  I  was  much  given  to  inventing  delib- 
erate falsehoods,  and  this  was  always  done  for  the 
sake  of  causing  excitement.  For  instance,  I  once 
gathered  much  valuable  fruit  from  my  father's 
trees  and  hid  it  in  the  shrubbery  and  then  ran  in 
breathless  haste  to  spread  the  news  that  I  had  dis- 
covered a  hoard  of  stolen  fruit." 

70 


THE  LIES  CHILDREN  TELL 

For  the  vaunting  lie  it  is  usually  sufficient  to 
defeat  its  purpose  by  showing  that  the  boast  can- 
not be  carried  out.  The  braggart  is  made  to  de- 
scend from  the  pedestal  of  the  hero  to  the  level  of 
the  fool. 

How  the  other  extreme  in  disposition  may  lead 
to  a  "  lie  "  is  shown  by  the  little  girl  who  was  sent 
to  the  store  for  a  loaf  of  bread  and  came  back 
saying  that  there  was  no  more  to  be  had.  The 
mother  was  very  sure  that  that  could  not  be,  but 
soon  found  out,  on  questioning,  that  the  child  had 
forgotten  what  she  was  sent  to  get  and  was  then 
afraid  of  being  ridiculed  for  having  forgotten. 
Here  the  cause  of  the  lie  was  timidity.  To  punish 
this  child  would  only  make  her  more  timid.  In  a 
case  of  this  kind  the  mother  should  try  to  cultivate 
the  self-confidence  of  the  child  instead  of  punishing 
her/ for  untruthfulness. 

/  Perhaps  the  most  common  kind  of  lie  is  the  one 
that  a  child  tells  in  order  to  escape  punishment.  It 
is  often  chosen  as  "  the  easiest  way  "  without  real- 
ization of  any  serious  wrong-doing.  And  even 
when  a  child  is  taught  the  wrong  of  it,  it  is  still 
too  helpful  to  be  entirely  dropped.  As  a  little  boy 
once  sajd,  "  A  lie  is  an  abomination  to  the  Lord, 
and  an  ever-ready  help  in  time  of  trouble/'  The 
first  lie  of  this  kind  that  a  child  invents  comes  with- 

71 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

out  any  feeling  of  moral  wrong-doing.  He  has 
only  an  instinctive  shrinking  from  pain.  To  cure  a 
child  of  this  kind  of  lie,  we  must  take  his  disposi- 
tion into  consideration ;  there  is  no  one  remedy  that 
suits  all  children.  In  some  cases  it  has  worked  very 
well  to  develop  the  courage  of  the  child,  so  that  he 
will  fearlessly  accept  the  consequences  of  his  deeds. 
We  all  know  of  cases  where  children  can  be  phys- 
ically very  brave  and  stand  a  great  deal  of  pain 
if  they  are  made  to  see  the  necessity  for  it — as 
when  they  are  treated  by  a  dentist  or  physician. 
Children  of  that  type  surely  can  be  taught  to  be 
brave,  also,  about  accepting  the  consequences  of 
misdeeds.  With  another  type  of  child  the  desired 
result  can  be  obtained  by  making  him  see  that  he 
will  be  happier  and  that  his  relations  with  others 
will  be  pleasanter  if  he  always  tells  the  truth.  In 
some  children  the  sense  of  honor  can  be  very  easily 
aroused,  and  they  can  be  made  to  see  how  truth- 
fulness and  reliability  help  human  beings  to  get 
along  with  each  other  in  their  various  relations.  A 
great  many  temptations  for  this  kind  of  lie  can  be 
entirely  avoided  if  your  child  feels  from  earliest 
infancy  that  you  always  treat  him  justly. 

Yet  a  child  who  is  neither  afraid  of  punishment 
nor  inclined  to  deceive  may  often  be  tempted  to 
lie  when  his  wits  are  challenged.  There  is  some- 

72 


THE  LIES  CHILDREN  TELL 

thing  about  your  tone  of  voice,  or  in  the  manner 
of  asking  "  Who  left  the  door  of  the  chicken-house 
open  ?  "  that  is  an  irresistible  temptation  to  make 
you  show  how  smart  you  really  are.  You  think 
you  know,  and  your  manner  shows  it ;  but  you  may 
be  mistaken,  and  your  cocksureness  arouses  all  the 
cunning  and  combat iveness  of  the  child.  There 
is  a  vague  feeling  in  his  mind  that  he  would  like  to 
see  you  confirm  your  suspicion  without  the  aid  of 
an  open  confession — and  the  result  is  a  "  lie."  In- 
deed, any  approach  that  arouses  antagonisms  is 
almost  sure  to  bring  out  the  propensity  to  dissimu- 
late or  even  to  deceive.  In  such  cases  the  mother 
should  learn  how  to  approach  the  child  without  a 
challenge,  instead  of  trying  to  teach  the  child  not 
to  lie. 

The  worst  kind  of  lies  are  those  caused  by 
selfishness  or  the  desire  to  gain  at  the  expense  of 
another,  or  those  prompted  by  malice  or  envy,  or 
the  passion  for  vengeance.  Although  such  lies 
often  appear  in  the  games  of  children,  the  games 
themselves  are  not  to  be  held  responsible  for  this. 
Indeed,  the  games  of  the  older  children,  when 
played  under  suitable  direction,  are  likely ,  to  be 
among  the  best  means  for  remedying  untruthful- 
ness.  Yet  it  may  be  wise  sometimes  to  keep  a 
child  from  his  games  for  a  time,  not  so  much  to 

73 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

"  punish  "  him  for  lying  as  to  give  him  an  oppor- 
tunity to  reflect  on  the  close  connection  between 
truthfulness  and  good  playing.  Special  instruc- 
tion may  sometimes  be  needed  as  a  means  to  arous- 
ing the  conscience.  The  lies  of  selfishness  are  bad 
because,  if  continued,  they  are  likely  to  make  chil- 
dren grasping  and  unscrupulous.  But  it  is  in  most 
cases  wiser  to  try  to  make  the  child  more  generous 
and  frank  than  to  fix  the  attention  on  the  lies.  If 
he  can  be  made  to  realize  that  his  happiness  is  more 
likely  to  be  assured  through  friendly  and  sincere 
relations,  the  temptation  to  use  lies  will  be  reduced. 
One  type  of  lying  that  is  very  irritating  and 
very  hard  to  meet  is  that  known  as  prevarication. 
This  consists  in  telling  a  part  of  a  truth,  or  even  a 
whole  truth,  in  such  a  way  as  to  convey  a  false 
impression,  and  is  most  common  at  about  twelve  or 
thirteen  years.  When  a  child  resorts  to  prevari- 
cation he  is  already  old  enough  to  know  the  dif- 
ference between  a  truthful  statement  and  a  false 
statement.  Indeed,  it  is  when  he  most  keenly  real- 
izes this  that  he  is  most  likely  to  prevaricate,  for 
this  is  but  a  device  by  which  the  childish  mind  at- 
tempts to  achieve  an  indirect  purpose  and  at  the 
same  time  keep  his  peace  with  his  conscience.  It 
is  when  he  already  has  a  certain  fear  of  lying,  and 
is  not  yet  thoroughly  sincere  and  truth-loving, 

74 


THE  LIES  CHILDREN  TELL 

that  he  will  come  home  from  the  truant  fishing 
party  and  ingeniously  tell  you  that  a  "  friend  of 
Harry's  "  caught  the  fish,  instead  of  saying  that  he 
himself  did  it.  His  conscience  is  quite  satisfied  with 
the  reflection  that  he  is  a  friend  of  Harry's.  In 
this  stage  of  his  career  the  child  is  quite  capable  of 
understanding  a  direct  analysis  of  what  is  essen- 
tially a  deception,  and  a  good  heart-to-heart  talk 
that  comes  to  a  conclusion  is  about  the  best  thing 
he  can  get. 

I  hope  you  will  not  think,  from  what  I  have 
said,  that  I  have  been  trying  to  justify  lying, 
or  that  I  do  not  consider  lying  a  serious  matter; 
nor,  on  the  other  hand,  that  you  will  consider  a 
single  application  of  the  remedies  suggested  suffi- 
cient to  make  any  child  truthful.  Thoroughgoing 
truthfulness  comes  hard  and  generally  comes  late. 
But  for  the  majority  of  children  truthfulness  is 
attainable,  although  it  will  not  be  attained  without 
a  struggle.  The  finer  instincts  often  enough  lead 
to  violations  of  strict  veracity;  but  they  may  be 
made  also  to  strengthen  the  feeling  of  scrupulous 
regard  for  the  truth. 

I  have  tried  to  show  that  what  we  call  a  lie  is 
not  always  a  lie ;  and  that  some  of  the  very  methods 
we  use  in  training  our  children  themselves  produce 
lies.  The  inflicting  of  severe  punishments  is  one 

75 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

of  the  chief  of  these,  and  the  most  common  lie  is 
that  which  is  due  to  fear  of  punishment.  Lies 
that  arise  from  bad  habits  should  be  treated  by  an 
attempt  to  remedy  the  bad  habit.  Lies  that  arise 
from  ignorance  should  be  treated  by  attention  to 
necessary  knowledge. 

Even  more  important  than  the  right  kind  of 
treatment  for  untruth  fulness  is  the  necessity  for  an 
atmosphere  in  which  the  spirit  of  truthfulness  is 
all-pervading.  Some  day  watch  yourself  and 
notice  how  often  you  tell  untruths  to  your  child; 
how  often  he  hears  you  tell  so-called  "  white  lies  " 
to  your  neighbors ;  how  often  he  hears  you  prevari- 
cate and  exaggerate.  If  you  will  keep  track  of 
these  things  you  will  realize  that  it  is  a  trifle  absurd 
of  you  to  expect  your  child  to  be  a  strict  speaker 
of  the  truth.  Part  of  our  campaign  against  the 
lies  of  our  children  must  therefore  consist  in  our 
attempt  to  establish  truthful  relations  among 
adults,  and  between  adults  and  children. 


V. 

BEING   AFRAID 

THE  heroes  of  history  and  the  heroes  of  fiction 
whom  all  of  us  like  to  admire  are  the  men  and 
women  who  know  no  fear.  But  most  of  us  make 
use  of  fear  as  a  cheap  device  for  attaining  imme- 
diate results  with  our  children.  When  Johnny  hes- 
itates about  going  upstairs  in  the  dark  to  fetch  your 
work-basket,  you  remind  him  of  Columbus,'  who 
braved  the  trackless  sea  and  the  unknown  void  in 
the  West,  and  you  exhort  him  to  be  a  man;  but 
when  Johnny  was  younger  you  yourself  warned 
him  that  the  Bogeyman  would  get  him  if  he  did  not 
go  right  to  sleep.  And  it  is  not  very  long  since  the 
day  when  he  tried  to  climb  the  cherry  tree  and  you 
attempted  to  dissuade  him  with  the  alarming 
prophecy  that  he  would  surely  fall  down  and  break 
his  neck. 

Thus  our  training  consists  of  countless  contra- 
dictions :  we  set  up  noble  ideals  to  arouse  courage 
and  self-reliance — when  that  suits  our  immediate 
purpose;  and  we  frighten  with  threats  and  warn 
of  calamity  when  the  child  has  the  impulse  to  do 
what  we  do  not  wish  to  have  him  do.  This  at 

77 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

once  suggests  the  effect  of  fear  upon  character  and 
conduct.  We  instinctively  call  upon  courage  when 
we  want  the  child  to  do  something;  we  call  upon 
fear  when  we  want  to  prevent  action.  In  other 
words,  bravery  stimulates,  whereas  fear  paralyzes. 

The  human  race  is  characterized  by  an  instinct 
of  fear.  Very  young  infants  exhibit  all  the  symp- 
toms of  fear  long  before  they  can  have  any  knowl- 
edge or  experience  of  the  disagreeable  and  the 
harmful  effects  of  the  things  that  frighten  them. 
Thus  a  sudden  noise  will  make  the  child  start  and 
tremble  and  even  scream.  And  all  through  life  an 
unexpected  and  loud  noise  is  likely  to  startle  us. 
An  investigation  has  shown  that  thunder  is  feared 
much  more  than  lightning.  Children  will  laugh  at 
the  flashes  of  lightning,  but  will  cower  before  the 
roaring  thunder. 

The  feeling  of  fear  is  closely  associated  with 
what  is  unknown.  It  is  not  noise  in  general  that 
frightens  the  children,  but  an  unexpected  noise 
from  an  unknown  source.  Indeed,  the  children  like 
noise  itself  well  enough  to  produce  it  whenever 
they  can  by  beating  drums,  or  barrels,  or  wash- 
boilers.  The  frightful  thing  about  thunder  is  that 
the  cause  remains  a  mystery,  and  it  is  frightful  so 
long  as  the  cause  does  remain  a  mystery,  if  the 
child  lives  to  be  a  hundred  years  old.  During  a 

78 


Neither  are  girls  afraid  to  climb. 


BEING  AFRAID 

thunder-storm  children  will  picture  to  themselves 
a  battle  going  on  above.  Some  think  of  the  sky 
cracking  or  the  moon  bursting,  or  conceive  of  the 
firmament  as  a  dome  of  metal  over  which  balls  are 
being  rolled. 

The  influence  of  the  unknown  explains  also 
why  that  other  great  source  of  fear,  namely,  dark- 
ness, has  such  a  strange  hold  upon  children.  Fear 
of  darkness  is  very  common  and  often  very  in- 
tense. There  are  but  few  children  who  do  not 
suffer  from  it  at  some  time  and  to  some  extent. 
This  fear  is  frequently  suggested  by  stories  of 
robbers,  ghosts,  or  other  terrors,  but  even  children 
who  have  been  carefully  guarded  sometimes  have 
these  violent  fears  that  cannot  be  reasoned  away. 

In  order  to  discover  what  it  is  about  the  dark- 
ness that  frightens  children,  a  large  number  of 
women  and  men  were  asked  to  recall  their  childish 
experiences  with  fear,  and  from  the  many  instances 
given  the  following  may  be  used  to  illustrate  the 
various  terrors  of  the  dark. 

One  woman  described  her  fears  of  "an  indis- 
tinct living  something,  black,  possibly  curly,"  which 
she  feared  would  enter  the  room  in  the  darkness 
from  somewhere  under  the  bed.  Another  could 
see  dark  objects  with  eyes  and  teeth  slowly  and 
noiselessly  descending  from  the  ceiling  toward  her. 

79 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

One  little  boy,  when  he  had  finally  overcome  fear, 
said  to  his  father  that  he  thought  the  dark  to  be 
"  a  large  live  thing  the  color  of  black."  A  girl 
of  nineteen  said  she  remembered  that  on  going  to 
bed  she  used  to  see  little  black  figures  jumping 
about  between  the  ceiling  and  the  bed. 

It  is  well  known  that  the  feeling  of  fear  is 
often  very  intense  among  children;  and  where  it  is 
due  to  ignorance  it  is  not  right  to  laugh  it  away. 
Doing  so  affords  no  explanation.  The  ridicule 
may  cause  the  child  to  hide  his  fear,  but  will  not 
drive  the  feeling  away.  Since  the  feeling  of  fear 
is  so  closely  connected  with  the  strange  and  un- 
known, the  only  way  that  it  may  be  directly  over- 
come is  by  making  the  child  familiar  with  the 
objects  that  cause  such  feelings. 

In  the  case  of  young  children  with  whom  we 
cannot  reason  it  is  best,  wherever  possible,  to  re- 
move the  cause  or  gradually  to  make  the  child 
familiar  with  the  darkness,  or  whatever  it  is  that 
makes  him  unhappy.  One  very  young  child  be- 
came frightened  when  he  was  presented  with  a 
Teddy  bear.  Every  time  the  Teddy  bear  was  pro- 
duced he  would  cry  with  terror.  The  mother  was 
perplexed  about  what  to  do.  Now,  as  the  Teddy 
bear  is  not  a  necessary  part  of  the  child's  surround- 
ings, there  is  no  reason  why  it  cannot  be  removed 

80 


BEING  AFRAID 

altogether  and  produced  again  upon  some  future 
occasion,  when  the  child  is  old  enough  to  be  indif- 
ferent to  it.  Very  many  children  are  frightened  by 
the  touch  of  fur,  or  even  of  velvet;  but  this  lasts 
only  a  short  time,  and  they  soon  learn  to  like  dogs 
and  cats. 

The  fear  of  darkness  is  different;  we  cannot 
eliminate  darkness  from  the  child's  experience,  and 
we  must  patiently  try  to  help  the  child  to  overcome 
his  fear,  since  he  will  suffer  greatly  so  long  as  it 
lasts.  The  help  you  give  him  will  also  constitute 
one  more  bond  of  sympathy  between  you  and  your 
child,  and  we  cannot  have  too  many  such  bonds. 

One  mother'  got  her  boy  used  to  going  into  a 
dark  room  by  placing  some  candy  on  the  farther 
window  and  sending  him  for  that.  Here  the  child 
fixed  his  attention  on  the  goal  and  had  no  time  to 
think  of  the  terrors  of  the  dark.  After  making 
such  visits  a  few  times  the  boy  became  quite  indif- 
ferent to  the  darkness. 

Another  ingenious  mother  gave  her  little 
daughter  who  was  afraid  a  tiny,  flat,  electric  spot- 
light which  just  fitted  into  the  pocket  of  her  pajama 
jacket.  She  took  it  to  bed  with  her,  slipped  it 
under  the  pillow,  and  derived  such  comfort  from 
it  that  the  whole  family  was  relieved.  The  child 
soon  outgrew  her  timidity, 

6  81 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

A  child  who  from  infancy  has  been  accustomed 
to  going  to  sleep  in  the  dark  and  suddenly  develops 
a  fear  of  it  ought  to  be  indulged  to  the  extent  of 
having  a  light  for  a  few  minutes  to  show  him  that 
there  is  nothing  there  to  be  afraid  of.  It  may  take 
a  few  evenings  and  several  disagreeable  trips  to 
the  child's  bedroom,  but  in  the  end  he  will  be  vic- 
torious and  you  will  have  helped  him  to  win  the 
victory. 

A  child  that  is  not  in  good  health  is  likely  to  be 
possessed  by  his  fears  much  longer  than  one  who 
is  well.  In  the  latter  case  there  is  a  fund  of  en- 
ergy to  go  exploring,  and  the  child  thus  becomes 
more  readily  acquainted  with  his  surroundings, 
and  as  his  knowledge  grows  his  fears  vanish. 
Again,  the  sickly  child  has  not  the  energy  to  fight 
his  fears,  as  has  the  healthy  child.  Indeed,  the 
high  spirits  of  the  healthy  child  often  lead  him  to 
seek  the  frightful,  just  for  the  exhilaration  he  gets 
from  the  sensation. 

The  period  of  most  intense  fears  is  between  the 
ages  of  five  and  seven,  and  while  imaginative  chil- 
dren naturally  suffer  most,  they  are  also  the  ones 
that  can  call  up  bright  fancies  to  cheer  them. 
Robert  Louis  Stevenson  must  have  had  a  lovely 
time  in  the  dark,  seeing  circuses  and  things,  as  he 
tells  us  in  his  poem  which  begins: 

82 


BEING  AFRAID 

All  night  long  and  every  night 
When  my  mamma  puts  out  the  light, 
I  see  the  circus  passing  by 
As  plain  as  day  before  my  eye,  etc. 

Although  fear  is  a  human  instinct,  it  is  not  uni- 
versal, and  once  in  a  while  we  find  a  child  who  has 
no  instinctive  fear.  If  such  a  child  is  not  fright- 
ened he  may  remain  quite  ignorant  of  the  feeling 
for  many  years.  I  know  a  boy  who,  at  the  age  of 
five,  was  unacquainted  with  the  sensation  of  fear, 
and,  never  having  been  frightened,  also  did  not 
know  the  meaning  of  the  word  "  fear."  He  had 
heard  it  used  by  other  children  and  knew  that  it 
was  something  unpleasant,  but  when  one  day  at 
dinner  he  said  to  his  mother,  "  You  know,  I  think 
I  am  afraid  of  spinach/'  meaning  that  he  did  not 
like  it,  it  was  evident  that  the  feeling  of  fear  was 
quite  foreign  to  him. 

Many  parents  have  a  feeling  of  helplessness  in 
the  face  of  a  trait  that  is  said  to  be  "  instinctive," 
as  though  there  were  some  fatal  finality  in  that 
classification.  But,  while  it  is  true  that  fear  is  in- 
stinctive, it  is  equally  true  that  it  can  often  be  suc- 
cessfully fought  by  having  recourse  to  other  in- 
stinctive traits.  Thus  the  instinct  of  curiosity, 
which  is  more  widespread  even  than  the  instinct 
of  fear,  may  be  used  to  counteract  the  latter.  Since 

83 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

fear  rests  so  largely  on  ignorance,  curiosity  is  its 
enemy,  because  it  dissipates  ignorance.  A  little 
boy  who  had  a  certain  fear  of  the  figures  in  the 
mirror  that  were  so  vivid  and  yet  so  unreal  used 
to  try  to  come  into  a  room  in  which  there  was  a 
large  mirror,  and  steal  upon  the  causes  of  his  curi- 
osity unawares.  His  double  was  always  there  as 
soon  as  he,  and  caught  his  eye;  but  the  child  lost 
his  fear  only  after  he  became  familiar  with  the 
characters  in  the  looking-glass.  In  the  same  way 
curiosity  will  often  compel  the  child  to  become 
gradually  so  well  acquainted  with  the  source  of  his 
fears  as  to  drive  the  latter  quite  out  of  his  expe- 
rience. 

We  must  be  careful  to  avoid  confusing  fear 
and  caution.  Fear  arises  from  ignorance,  and  is 
not  necessarily  related  to  any  real  danger.  Cau- 
tion, on  the  other  hand,  is  a  direct  outcome  of  the 
knowledge  of  danger.  Two  little  boys  were  watch- 
ing a  young  man  shooting  off  fire-crackers.  When- 
ever a  bunch  was  lit  the  older  boy  stepped  away, 
while  the  younger  one  held  his  ground.  Someone 
taunted  the  older  boy,  saying,  "  You  see,  Harry 
is  not  afraid,  and  you  are."  To  which  he  very 
sensibly  replied,  "  I  ain't  afraid  neither,  but  Harry 
doesn't  know  that  he  might  get  hurt,  and  I  do." 

Therefore,  while  we  do  not  wish  our  children 
84 


BEING  AFRAID 

to  be  cowards,  neither  do  we  want  them  to  feel 
reckless.  Caution  and  courage  may  well  go  to- 
gether in  the  child's  character.  Constantly  warning 
the  child  against  possible  danger  does  not  develop 
caution;  it  is  more  likely  to  destroy  all  spontaneous 
action.  Too  many  mothers  are  always  saying  to 
their  children,  "  Don't  do  this,  you  might  hurt  your- 
self," or  "  Don't  go  to  the  stable,  the  horse  may 
kick  you,"  and  so  on.  If  a  child  is  properly  taught, 
he  will  get  along  with  the  ordinary  knowledge  con- 
cerning the  behavior  of  things  and  animals  that 
might  be  injurious,  and  he  will  learn  to  be  careful 
with  regard  to  these  without  being  constantly 
admonished  and  frightened. 

The  fear  of  being  considered  afraid  has  its 
evil  side  as  well  as  its  good  side.  While  it  may 
often  make  the  child  "  affect  the  virtue  "  when  he 
has  it  not,  it  does,  on  the  other  hand,  make  many 
a  boy  and  girl,  especially  in  the  early  teens,  con- 
cede to  the  demands  of  prevailing  fashions  in  mis- 
conduct, when  the  conscience  and  the  knowledge 
of  right  and  wrong  dictate  a  different  course.  The 
taunt  "  you  dassent  "  is  stronger  than  the  still  small 
voice  saying  "  thou  must  not."  And  so  Harry 
plays  truant  for  the  first  time  not  so  much  because 
he  is  tired  of  school,  or  because  the  smell  of  the 
young  spring  allures  him,  as  because  Tommy 

85 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

"  dares  "  him  to  go  swimming  on  the  risk  of  get- 
ting caught  and  licked.  Harry  yields  for  fear  of 
being  called  a  "  cowardy  custard." 

It  is  important  to  guard  against  the  moral  effect 
of  fear  when  it  is  directed  against  the  judgments 
of  others.  By  always  referring  the  child  to  "  what 
others  will  think  "  of  him,  we  are  likely  to  make 
moral  cowards.  A  child  can  be  taught  to  refer  to 
his  own  conscience  and  to  his  own  judgment,  and, 
if  he  has  been  wisely  trained,  his  conscience  and 
judgment  will  be  at  least  as  effective  guides  in  his 
relations  with  human  beings  as  his  attempt  to  avoid 
misconduct  for  fear  of  what  others  will  think  or 
say. 

The  use  of  fear  as  a  means  of  discipline  is  being 
discarded  by  all  thoughtful  parents  and  teachers. 
We  have  learned  that  authority  maintained  by  fear 
is  very  short-lived ;  when  a  child  gets  past  a  certain 
age,  the  obedience  based  upon  fear  of  authority  is 
almost  certain  to  turn  into  defiance.  The  fear  of 
punishment  leads  directly  to  untruth  fulness  and 
deception;  parents  who  rely  upon  affection  and 
good-will  to  assure  the  right  conduct  of  their  chil- 
dren get  better  results  than  those  who  terrorize 
them. 

Fear  and  hatred  are  closely  connected,  and  in 
cultivating  fear  we  are  fostering  a  trait  that  may  in 

86 


BEING  AFRAID 

a  critical  moment  turn  to  hatred.  The  only  things 
that  we  should  teach  our  children  to  fear  are  those 
we  should  be  willing  to  have  them  hate.  Let  your 
children  learn  to  fear  and  hate  all  mean  and  selfish 
acts,  all  cunning  and  deception,  all  unfairness  and 
injustice.  But  even  better  than  teaching  them  to 
hate  these  vices,  teach  them  to  love  and  admire  and 
to  aspire  to  realize  the  positive  virtues. 

When  we  observe  the  undesirable  physical 
effects  of  fear,  such  as  the  effect  upon  the  heart  and 
blood-vessels,  the  effect  upon  the  nerve  currents, 
etc.,  we  can  hardly  expect  it  to  have  a  beneficial 
effect  upon  the  mental  or  moral  side  of  the  child's 
nature.  Fear  always  cramps  and  paralyzes;  it 
never  broadens  or  stimulates.  All  the  progress 
made  by  our  race  has  been  accomplished  by  those 
who  were  not  afraid :  the  men  and  women  of  broad 
vision  and  independent,  fearless  action.  Every 
mother  has  lurking  in  some  corner  of  her  heart  the 
fond  hope  that  her  children  will  in  some  way  con- 
tribute to  the  advancement  of  humanity,  to  make 
our  life  here  better  worth  living.  To  contribute  in 
this  way,  our  children  must  be  without  fear. 


VI. 
THE    FIRST   GREAT   LAW 

WHEN  you  have  had  a  scene  with  your  dis- 
obedient Robert,  you  are  apt  to  wonder  how  Mrs. 
Jones  ever  manages  to  make  her  children  obey  so 
nicely.  If  all  secrets  were  made  public,  you  would 
know  that  Mrs.  Jones  has  often  wished  that  she 
could  make  her  children  mind  as  nicely  as  do  yours. 
For  we  always  imagine  that  making  children  mind 
is  the  one  thing  that  other  mothers  succeed  in  better 
than  we  do. 

Why  is  it  that  we  consider  obedience  of  such 
great  importance  in  the  bringing  up  of  our  chil- 
dren? Is  it  because  obedience  itself  is  a  supreme 
virtue  which  we  desire  to  cultivate  in  our  children? 
Or  is  it  because  we  find  it  convenient  to  receive 
obedience  from  those  with  whom  we  have  to  deal? 

That  obedience  is  a  virtue  cannot  be  denied. 
But  it  is  a  virtue  only  under  special  kinds  of  human 
relationship.  The  obedience  required  of  a  fireman 
or  a  sailor  is  of  the  same  kind  as  that  which  we 
demand  of  a  child  exposed  to  a  danger  that  he  does 
not  see.  The  work  of  the  fireman  and  of  the  sailor 
is  such  that  these  people  must  be  constantly  pre- 
88 


THE  FIRST  GREAT  LAW 

pared  to  obey  instantly  the  orders  given  by  those 
in  authority  over  them.  The  life  of  the  child, 
however,  is  such  as  to  make  his  work  or  his  safety 
depend  upon  his  obedience  only  under  exceptional 
circumstances.  To  justify  our  demand  for  habitual 
obedience,  we  must  find  better  reasons  than  the 
stock  argument  so  often  given,  namely,  that  in 
certain  emergencies  the  instant  response  to  a  com- 
mand may  result  in  saving  the  child  from  injury  or 
even  from  death. 

The  need  for  obedience  lies  closer  to  hand  than 
an  occasional  emergency  which  may  never  arise. 
In  all  human  relationships  there  come  occasions 
for  the  exercise  of  authority.  There  is  no  doubt 
that  in  the  relations  between  parents  and  child  the 
parent — or  elder  person — should  be  the  one  in  au- 
thority, on  account  of  his  greater  experience  and 
maturer  judgment,  quite  apart  from  any  question 
of  sentiment  or  tradition.  But  if  you  wish  to  ex- 
ercise authority,  you  must  make  sure  to  deserve  it. 
Laws  and  customs  give  parents  certain  authority 
over  their  children,  but  well  we  know  that  too  few 
of  them  are  able  to  make  wise  use  of  this  authority. 

Not  only  from  the  side  of  our  own  convenience, 
but  also  from  the  side  of  the  child's  real  needs,  we 
must  give  the  young  spirit  training  in  obedience. 
The  child  that  does  not  get  the  constant  support  of 

89 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

a  reliable  and  firm  guide  misses  this  support;  the 
child  is  happier  when  he  is  aware  of  having  near- 
by an  unfailing  counsellor,  one  who  will  decide 
aright  what  he  is  to  do  and  what  he  is  not  to  do. 
But  when  I  say  that  the  obedient  child  is  happier 
than  the  disobedient  one,  I  do  not  mean  merely  that 
the  latter  gets  into  mischief  more  frequently,  or 
that  the  former  receives  more  marks  of  affection 
from  the  parents.  There  is  involved  something 
more  important  than  rewards  and  punishments. 
The  young  child  would  really  rather  obey  than  be 
left  to  his  own  decisions.  When  he  has  no  one  to 
tell  him  what  to  do,  or  to  warn  him  against  what 
he  must  not  do,  the  child  feels  his  helplessness. 
And  there  is  valuable  tonic  for  the  child's  body  as 
well  as  for  his  will  in  the  comfortable  conscious- 
ness of  a  superior  authority  upon  which  he  can 
safely  lean. 

As  the  child  becomes  older  he  begins  to  assert 
his  own  desires  in  a  more  positive  fashion,  and  at 
about  two  and  a  half  to  three  years  the  problem  of 
obedience  takes  on  a  new  aspect.  For  now  the 
child  has  had  experience  enough  to  enable  him 
to  have  his  own  purposes,  and  these  often  come  in 
conflict  with  the  wishes  of  the  mother.  Should 
obedience  be  now  demanded?  And  should  it  be 
insisted  upon  ?  There  is  more  involved  in  this  prob- 

90 


THE  FIRST  GREAT  LAW 

lem  than  the  convenience  of  administering  the 
household,  or  the  immediate  safety  and  well-being 
of  the  child.  There  is  involved  the  whole  question 
of  the  child's  future  attitude  toward  life.  Shall 
the  child  become  one  who  habitually  obeys  the 
commands  of  others,  without  questioning,  without 
resisting,  and  so  perhaps  become  a  pliant  tool  in 
the  hands  of  powerful  but  unscrupulous  men?  Or 
shall  he  be  allowed  to  go  his  own  way  and  over-ride 
the  wishes  of  others,  to  become,  perhaps,  a  wilful 
victim  of  his  own  whims  and  moods,  presenting  a 
stubborn  resistance  to  overwhelming  forces  that 
will  in  the  end  crush  him? 

In  the  case  of  the  very  young  child  absolute 
obedience  must  be  required,  for  the  reason  that  the 
child  is  not  in  a  position  to  assume  the  responsibility 
for  his  conduct.  The  will  of  the  mother  must  be 
followed  for  the  child's  own  safety  and  health,  for 
the  child  has  no  intelligence  or  experience, — that  is, 
judgment, — or  purpose  to  guide  him.  He  has  only 
blind  impulses  that  may  often  be  harmless  but  are 
never  reliable.  So  the  first  need  is  for  training  in 
regularity,  and  this  is  possible  only  under  the  guid- 
ance of  the  mother  or  nurse,  who  knows  what  is  to 
be  done,  or  not  done,  and  whose  authority  must  be 
absolute.  So  the  child  must  first  of  all  learn  to 

91 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

obey.  Later  he  must  learn  what  and  whom  to 
obey. 

Recognizing,  then,  in  full  the  value  of  obedience, 
we  must  be  careful  not  to  exaggerate  it  and  con- 
sider it  a  cardinal  virtue.  Obedience  is  far  from 
being  a  fundamental  virtue.  On  the  contrary,  once 
established  as  a  ruling  principle  in  the  household 
or  anywhere  else,  it  is  easily  carried  far  enough  to 
become  a  source  of  positive  harm.  To  obey  means 
to  act  in  accordance  with  another's  wishes.  To 
act  in  this  manner  does  not  call  upon  the  exercise 
of  judgment  or  responsibility,  and  too  many  grow 
up  without  acquiring  the  habit  of  using  judgment 
and  without  acquiring  a  sense  of  responsibility. 
They  are  only  too  willing  to  leave  choice  and  deci- 
sion to  others.  Decision  of  character  and  habitual 
obedience  do  not  go  well  together.  Moreover,  it  is 
now  coming  to  be  more  fully  recognized  that  the 
progress  of  society  depends  not  upon  closer  obe- 
dience to  the  few  natural  leaders,  but  upon  the 
exercise  of  discretion  and  judgment  on  the  part  of 
an  ever  larger  number  of  those  who  are  not  leaders. 

There  may  be  a  still  greater  danger  in  requiring 
so-called  implicit  obedience  of  every  child.  We  have 
learned  from  modern  studies  of  the  human  mind 
that  doing  is  the  outcome  of  thinking  and  feeling. 
When  we  constantly  force  children  to  do  things  that 

92 


THE  FIRST  GREAT  LAW 

have  no  direct  connection  with  their  thoughts  and 
feelings,  or  when  we  prevent  actions  which  follow 
naturally  from  their  thoughts  and  feelings,  we  are 
interfering  with  the  orderly  working  of  the  child's 
mind.  We  force  children  to  act  in  ways  unrelated 
to  their  thoughts  and  feelings,  and  as  a  result  we 
have  many  men  and  women  of  fine  sentiment  and 
lofty  thought  who  never  let  their  ideas  and  senti- 
ments find  expression  in  effective  action.  In  other 
words,  the  effect  upon  the  mind  of  "  thoughtless 
minding  "  is  not  a  healthy  one. 

A  large  amount  of  disobedience  arises  from  the 
fact  that  the  child's  attention  and  interest  are  so 
different  from  an  adult's.  The  little  girl  who  is 
said  to  have  given  her  name  as  "  Mary  Don't " 
illustrates  this.  Mary  does  a  great  many  things 
in  the  course  of  a  day,  impelled  by  curiosity  and  the 
instinct  to  handle  things.  Most  of  her  activities 
are  harmless ;  but  when  she  touches  something  that 
you  care  about,  you  command  her  to  let  it  alone. 
This  is  quite  proper.  Very  often,  however,  she  is 
told  to  stop  doing  things  that  are  quite  indifferent, 
and  that  satisfy  her  natural  craving  for  activity 
without  being  in  the  least  harmful.  Being  inter- 
fered with  constantly,  she  soon  comes  to  consider 
all  orders  arbitrary  and — disobedience  results. 

The  other  side  of  the  problem  is  seen  when  a 
93 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

child  is  told  to  do  something  when  he  is  preoccupied 
with  his  own  affairs.  You  may  tell  him  a  second 
time;  very  likely  you  raise  your  voice.  The  third 
time  you  fairly  shout.  This  is  undignified  and  it 
is  also  unnecessary.  For  Bobby  has  heard  the  or- 
der from  the  first ;  but  he  has  not  attended  to  your 
wishes.  In  such  cases  there  is  no  primary  disobe- 
dience; but  a  frequent  repetition  of  such  incidents 
can  easily  lead  Bobby  to  become  quite  indifferent  to 
your  orders;  then  disobedience  is  habitual.  The 
child  that  has  acquired  the  habit  of  ignoring  the 
mother's  wishes  will  not  suddenly  begin  to  obey 
orders  when  the  emergency  comes. 

From  these  two  cases  we  may  see  that  it  is  im- 
portant to  get  first  the  child's  habit  of  attending 
to  what  is  said  to  him — by  making  everything  that 
is  said  to  him  count.  In  the  second  place,  the  child 
must  be  taught  to  feel  that  what  he  is  directed  to  do 
is  the  best  thing  to  do. 

For  getting  the  child  to  obey  we  must  keep  con- 
stantly in  mind  the  idea  that  we  are  working  for 
certain  habits.  Now,  a  habit  is  acquired  only 
through  constant  repetition  of  a  given  act  or  a  given 
kind  of  behavior.  The  first  rule  for  the  parent 
should  therefore  be  to  be  absolutely  consistent  in 
demanding  obedience  from  the  child.  If  you  call 
to  the  children  in  the  nursery  to  stop  their  racket 

94  , 


THE  FIRST  GREAT  LAW 

(because  father  is  taking  a  nap)  and  fail  to 
insist  upon  the  quietness  because  father  just  whis- 
pers to  you  that  he  is  not  sleeping,  you  have  given 
the  children  practice  in  disobedience.  If  they  are 
to  be  allowed  to  go  on  with  the  noise,  this  should  be 
because  you  openly  permit  them  to  go  on  with  their 
noisy  fun,  and  not  because  they  may  heedlessly  dis- 
regard your  wishes.  Direct  disobedience  is  not  to 
be  overlooked  under  any  circumstances.  It  is  true 
that  parents  often  give  orders  that  had  better  not 
be  carried  out;  but  the  remedy  is  not  in  allowing 
the  children  to  disobey,  but  in  thinking  twice  or 
thrice  before  giving  a  command,  or  in  agreeing 
with  them  upon  a  course  of  action  without  giving 
commands  at  all.  By  giving  no  orders  that  are 
unnecessary  or  that  are  arbitrary,  the  child  will 
come  in  time  to  feel  that  your  interferences  with 
his  own  impulses  are  intended  for  his  own  good. 

We  frequently  tell  the  children  that  we  want 
them  to  obey  "  for  their  own  good."  If  this  were 
true,  we  should  have  little  difficulty  in  obtaining 
obedience,  for  most  children  instinctively  follow 
orders  and  suggestions.  It  is  only  when  we  abuse 
this  instinct  by  too  frequent  and  capricious  and 
thoughtless  commands  for  our  own  convenience 
that  the  children  come  to  revolt  at  our  orders. 

There  are  great  differences  among  children  in 
95 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

the  readiness  with  which  they  adopt  suggestions  or 
follow  orders.  Some  children  are  easily  dissuaded 
from  a  line  of  action  in  which  they  are  engaged. 
Their  attention  is  not  very  closely  fixed,  and  they 
are  easily  distracted,  and  may  be  sent  from  one 
thing  to  another  without  resenting  the  interrup- 
tions. Such  children  quickly  learn  to  obey,  and 
some  seldom  offer  resistance  to  suggestion ;  but  they 
deserve  no  special  praise  or  credit  for  their  perfect 
obedience,  neither  do  their  parents  deserve  special 
credit  for  having  "  trained "  such  children.  On 
the  other  hand,  there  are  children  who  set  their 
hearts  very  firmly  upon  the  objects  of  their  desire, 
and  who  cannot  easily  stop  in  the  middle  of  a  game 
or  in  the  middle  of  a  sentence  just  to  put  some  wood 
in  the  stove.  Such  children  will  appear  to  be  "  dis- 
obedient,'* although  they  are  just  as  affectionate 
and  as  loyal  and  as  dutiful  as  the  others.  When 
you  see  a  child  that  is  a  model  of  obedience,  you 
cannot  conclude  that  he  has  been  well  trained;  nor 
is  frequent  disobedience  an  indication  of  neglect  on 
the  part  of  the  parents.  But  the  majority  of  chil- 
dren will  fall  in  the  class  of  those  whose  obedience 
or  disobedience  is  a  matter  of  habit  resulting  from 
the  firmness  and  consistency  and  considerateness 
of  the  parents. 

Unless  a  child  has  become  altogether  submis- 
96 


THE  FIRST  GREAT  LAW 

sive,  he  will  not  obey  all  orders  with  equal  readi- 
ness. Alice,  who  is  not  very  active,  does  not  dis- 
play any  great  virtue  if  she  sits  still  when  you  tell 
her  to.  On  the  other  hand,  sitting  still  means  to 
Harry  a  supreme  effort  as  well  as  a  great  sacrifice ; 
to  demand  this  of  him  we  should  have  a  very  good 
reason.  I  know  children  who  are  models  of  obe- 
dience in  most  matters,  but  who  scream  with  pro- 
test and  resentment  when  it  comes  to  taking  medi- 
cine or  even  to  being  examined  by  a  physician.  On 
the  other  hand,  a  little  boy  I  know,  to  whom 
obedience  in  general  comes  very  hard,  has  such 
respect  for  the  wisdom  of  physicians  and  for  the 
helpfulness  of  medicines  that  he  will  undergo  a 
thorough  examination  and  will  swallow  the  bitterest 
of  drugs  without  even  making  a  wry  face. 

If  you  will  look  about  among  your  acquaint- 
ances, I  think  you  will  find  that  those  who  get  really 
intelligent  obedience  from  their  children  are  the 
ones  who  make  the  least  ado  about  it,  and  perhaps 
never  use  the  time-worn  phrase,  "  Now  you  must 
mind  me."  It  is  the  weak  person  who  is  con- 
stantly forced  to  make  appeals  to  his  authority.  It 
is  the  weak  person  who  is  constantly  threatening  the 
child  with  terrible  retributions  for  his  disobedience. 
Yet  none  are  quicker  to  detect  the  weakness,  none 
know  better  that  the  threats  will  not  be  carried  out, 
7  97 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

than  those  very  children  whose  obedience  we  desire 
thus  to  obtain. 

Many  of  us  get  into  the  habit  of  placing  too 
many  of  our  wishes  in  the  form  of  commands  or 
orders  to  do  or  not  to  do,  instead  of  requesting  as 
we  would  of  an  equal.  Wherever  possible  we 
should  suggest  to  the  child  a  line  of  conduct,  so  as 
to  make  the  child  feel  that  he  is  making  a  choice. 
You  may  say  to  Johnnie,  "  Go  and  get  me  a  pail  of 
water."  Or  you  may  say,  "  Johnnie,  please  get  me 
a  pail  of  water."  Or  you  may  say,  "  Johnnie, 
mother  needs  a  pail  of  water."  You  will  perhaps 
get  just  as  good  service  in  one  case  as  in  another; 
but  the  ultimate  effect  on  Johnnie  may  make  the  dif- 
ference between  a  man  who  finds  work  a  necessary 
evil  and  one  who  finds  work  a  means  of  service. 

From  men  who  have  been  successful  in  man- 
aging industries  and  from  women  who  have  man- 
aged large  households  with  the  least  amount  of 
friction  we  can  learn  that  there  is  a  way  of  obtain- 
ing obedience  without  imposing  upon  the  minds  of 
those  under  our  authority.  Whenever  you  wish  to 
depart  from  the  usual  routine,  there  is  a  good  reason 
for  the  change,  and  in  most  cases  the  reason  can 
be  stated  with  the  request.  When  this  is  done  the 
order  loses  the  appearance  of  arbitrariness.  If  you 
say  to  Mary,  "  I  wish  you  would  go  out  without 

98 


THE  FIRST  GREAT  LAW 

me  this  afternoon,  as  I  have  some  important  sew- 
ing to  finish/'  you  will  most  likely  meet  with  ready 
acquiescence.  If,  however,  you  say,  "  You  must 
go  alone  this  afternoon,  I  can't  go  with  you," 
and  if  when  Mary  dares  ask  "Why?"  you  say, 
"  Because  I  tell  you  to,"  you  will  certainly  sow  the 
seeds  of  rebellion.  No  self-respecting  child  will 
accept  such  a  reason.  If  at  least  you  make  an  ap- 
peal to  your  superior  judgment,  and  say,  "  Mother 
knows  best,"  there  would  be  something  gained. 
For  now  you  are  shifting  the  basis  of  the  child's 
conduct  from  your  position  of  power  over  her  to 
the  highest  authority  within  our  reach,  namely, 
good  judgment.  The  child  is  thus  learning  to  obey 
not  a  person,  but  a  principle. 

Expressing  your  wishes  in  the  form  of  a  re- 
quest, modified  wherever  possible  by  a  reason,  does 
not  mean  that  you  are  to  give  the  child  a  reason 
for  everything  he  is  asked  to  do;  for  if  the  child 
has  respect  for  you  and  feels  your  sympathy  with 
him,  he  will  do  many  things  that  are  requested 
without  understanding  any  reason,  but  confident, 
when  he  does  think  of  the  matter,  that  you  have  a 
good  reason.  In  other  words,  where  there  have  been 
close  sympathy  and  habitual  obedience  the  parent  be- 
comes, in  the  child's  mind,  the  embodiment  of  those 
ideals  or  principles  toward  which  he  feels  loyal. 

99 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

In  the  same  way  men  and  women  who  give  ar- 
bitrary commands  may  get  from  their  assistants 
formal  obedience,  but  they  never  get  hearty  and 
intelligent  cooperation.  Indeed,  it  is  no  doubt  be- 
cause we  still  cling  to  the  traditions  of  earlier  times, 
when  personal  loyalty  and  military  types  of  virtue 
were  so  prominent  in  the  minds  of  men,  that  we 
are  so  slow  to  learn  the  need  for  cooperation  in 
modern  times.  The  need  to-day  is  for  leaders  who 
will  inspire  their  fellows  with  enthusiasm  for  co- 
operation, who  will  wisely  guide  their  fellows  in 
effective  service;  and  of  the  corresponding  virtues 
in  the  followers  obedience  is  not  the  first. 

And  yet  we  must  recognize  all  the  time  that 
there  are  occasions  when  a  person  must  do  what 
he  is  told  to  just  because  he  is  told;  and  it  were 
well  for  one  who  has  to  take  orders  to  be  able  to  do 
so  without  fret  and  bitterness.  The  child  should, 
however,  come  sooner  or  later  to  distinguish  be- 
tween those  commands  that  arise  out  of  real  neces- 
sities and  those  that  arise  from  the  passion  or 
caprice  of  other  persons.  To  the  former  he  must 
learn  to  submit  with  the  best  possible  grace,  with 
an  effort  at  understanding,  or  even  with  a  desire  to 
assimilate  to  himself.  To  the  latter  he  should  sub- 
mit, when  forced  to,  only  under  protest,  and  with 
the  resolve  to  make  himself  free. 

100 


THE  FIRST  GREAT  LAW 

That  confidence  is  a  strong  factor  in  obtaining 
obedience  is  well  illustrated  by  many  boys  in  every 
village  and  town.  These  boys  are  notoriously  dis- 
obedient at  home  and  at  school,  but  on  the  baseball 
field  they  will  follow  the  orders  of  the  captain  with- 
out question.  They  feel  that  his  commands  are 
not  arbitrary  or  thoughtless,  that  they  are  not 
petty  and  personal,  but  really  for  the  greatest  advan- 
tage to  those  concerned.  If  we  can  inspire  in  our 
children  such  confidence  in  our  motives,  we  shall 
have  little  worry  about  the  problem  of  obedience. 

In  the  training  of  the  child  we  often  forget  that 
the  child  will  some  time  outgrow  his  childishness. 
We  must  consider  not  only  what  is  the  best  kind 
of  behavior  for  a  child,  but  what  kinds  of  habits 
it  is  best  for  a  child  to  develop  in  view  of  his  some 
day  becoming  an  adult  human  being.  We  want 
men  and  women  to  develop  into  free  agents, — that 
is,  people  who  act  in  accordance  with  the  dictates 
of  their  own  conscience  and  their  best  judgment. 
With  this  aim  in  view,  how  much  emphasis  should 
then  be  placed  on  the  matter  of  obedience? 

Since  the  infant  has  no  will,  he  must  be  guided 
by  others  for  his  own  safety  and  for  the  develop- 
ment of  his  judgment.  But  we  do  not  wish  him  to 
retain  his  habits  of  obedience  to  others  long  enough 
to  deprive  him  of  his  independence  of  thought  and 

101 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

action.  The  growing  child  must  learn  to  repress 
his  own  many  and  conflicting  impulses,  and  to  select 
those  that  he  learns  to  be  best.  But  if  he  obeys  al- 
ways, he  cannot  acquire  judgment  and  responsibility. 
He  learns  through  obedience  to  value  various  kinds 
of  authority,  and  eventually  to  choose  his  authori- 
ties; his  final  authority  being  his  conscience  or 
principle,  not  impulse  or  whim.  He  learns  also  by 
questioning  the  principle  of  obedience  to  persons, 
and  comes  to  guide  his  conduct  by  principle  or  con- 
science, and  not  by  custom  or  convention. 

We  do  not  wish  to  train  our  children  for  sub- 
mission, but  for  judgment  and  discernment.  We 
must,  therefore,  respect  the  child's  individuality. 
We  are,  however,  not  obliged  to  choose  between 
blind,  unquestioning  obedience  and  the  undignified 
situations  which  arise  from  habitual  disobedience. 
Obedience  to  persons  as  a  settled  habit  is  bad.  The 
ability  to  obey  promptly  and  intelligently  when  the 
commander's  authority  is  recognized, — to  respond 
to  suggestion  and  guidance, — is  desirable.  Obedi- 
ence is  a  tool  the  parent  may  use  with  wisdom  and 
discretion.  It  is  not  an  end  in  discipline  or  in  life. 

We  should  educate  through  obedience, — that 
is,  cultivate  the  habit  of  intelligent  response, — 
but  we  must  not  educate  for  obedience, — that  is, 
the  habit  of  submitting  to  the  will  of  others. 

102 


VII. 

THE   TRAINING   OF   THE   WILL 

AFTER  all,  what  is  there  about  a  person  that 
really  counts?  All  experience  and  all  philosophy 
agree  that  it  is  the  character;  and  the  central  fact 
in  character  is  the  will.  Yet  the  will  is  not  some- 
thing in  the  soul  that  exists  by  itself,  as  a  "  faculty  " 
of  the  mind.  The  will  is  a  product  of  all  the  other 
processes  that  go  on  in  the  mind,  and  can  not  be 
trained  by  itself.  Neither  can  the  will  of  the  child 
be  expected  to  come  to  its  own  through  neglect. 
Indeed,  although  the  will  can  not  be  trained  by 
itself,  its  training  is  even  more  important  than  the 
training  of  the  intellect.  The  great  defect  in  our 
moral  training  has  been  that  we  have  generally 
attempted  to  train  our  children  too  exclusively 
through  precepts  and  mottoes  and  rules,  and  too 
little  through  activities  that  lead  to  the  formation 
of  habits.  The  will  depends  upon  the  intellect, 
but  it  cannot  be  trained  through  learning  alone, 
though  learning  can  be  made  to  help.  There  are, 
as  we  all  know,  only  too  many  learned  men  and 
women  with  weak  wills,  and  there  are  many  men 
and  women  of  strong  character  who  have  had  but 

103 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

little  book  learning.  The  will  expresses  itself 
through  action,  and  must  be  trained  through  ac- 
tion. But  action  is  impelled  by  feelings,  so  the 
will  must  be  trained  also  through  the  feelings.  All 
right  education  is  education  of  the  will.  The  will 
is  formed  while  the  child  is  learning  to  think,  to 
feel,  and  to  do. 

We  judge  of  character  by  the  behavior.  But 
our  behavior  is  not  made  up  entirely  of  acts  of  the 
will.  Hundreds  of  situations  occur  that  do  not 
require  individual  decision,  but  are  adequately  met 
by  acts  arising  from  habit,  or  even  from  instinct. 
The  experience  of  the  race  has  given  us  many 
customs  and  manners  which  are  for  the  most  part 
satisfactory,  and  which  the  child  should  learn  as 
a  matter  of  course.  It  is  thus  important  that  the 
child  should  acquire  certain  habits  as  early  in  life 
as  possible.  These  habits  will  not  only  result  in 
saving  of  energy,  but  will  also  give  assurance  that 
in  certain  situations  the  child  will  act  in  the  right 
way.  If  it  is  worth  while  to  have  a  person  knock 
on  a  door  before  entering  an  occupied  room,  or 
if  it  is  worth  while  to  have  people  look  to  the  left 
and  to  the  right  before  crossing  a  thoroughfare, 
the  child  can  acquire  the  habit  of  doing  these  things 
always  and  everywhere  without  stopping  to  make 
a  decision  on  each  occasion. 

104 


THE  TRAINING  OF  THE  WILL 

But  we  must  remember  that  in  guiding  the  child 
to  the  formation  of  these  habits,  example  and  prac- 
tice are  far  more  important  than  precepts  and  rules. 
Example  is  more  important  because  the  child  is 
very  imitative;  one  rude  act  on  the  part  of  some 
older  member  of  the  household  will  counteract  the 
benefit  of  many  verbal  lessons  in  politeness.  Prac- 
tice is  important  because  it  is  through  constant 
repetition  of  an  act  that  it  at  last  becomes  auto- 
matic, and  is  performed  without  thought  or  atten- 
tion. In  fact,  this  is  the  only  way  in  which  a  habit 
can  be  formed.  Having  acquired  habits  about  the 
common  relations  of  life  that  do  not  call  for  new 
adjustment  every  time  they  are  met,  the  mind  is 
left  free  to  apply  itself  to  problems  that  really  need 
special  consideration.  Imagine  how  wasteful  it 
would  be  if  we  had  to  attend  to  every  movement 
in  dressing  ourselves!  You  can  easily  see  that 
there  are  a  great  many  acts  that  bring  us  in  relation 
to  others  and  that  should  be  as  mechanical  and 
automatic  as  dressing  and  undressing. 

It  is  when  we  pass  from  the  routine  acts  which 
are  repeated  every  day  that  we  come  to  the  field  in 
which  the  will  holds  sway.  There  is  nothing  more 
helpful  in  the  training  of  the  will  than  the  frequent 
performance  of  tasks  requiring  application,  self- 
control,  and  the  making  of  decisions.  The  routine 

105 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

of  fixed  duties  in  a  large  and  complex  household 
furnished  to  our  grandparents,  during  their  youth, 
just  the  opportunity  for  the  formation  of  habits 
in  attending  to  what  needed  to  be  done,  without 
regard  to  the  momentary  impulse  or  mood.  Many 
of  our  modern  homes  are  so  devoid  of  such  oppor- 
tunities that  there  is  great  danger  that  our  children 
will  have  altogether  too  much  practice  in  following 
their  whims  and  caprices — or  in  doing  nothing. 

It  is  just  because  the  modern  home  is  so  devoid 
of  the  opportunities  for  carrying  on  these  charac- 
ter-building activities  that  provision  must  be  made 
in  that  other  great  educational  institution,  the 
school.  All  the  newer  activities  of  the  school,  the 
shop  work  and  the  school  garden,  the  domestic 
science  and  the  sewing,  the  recreation  centres,  the 
art  and  the  music — all  these  so-called  "  fads  and 
frills  "  against  which  the  taxpayer  raises  his  voice 
in  protest — these  prove  to  be  even  more  important 
in  the  making  of  men  and  women  out  of  children 
than  the  respectable  and  acceptable  subjects  of  the 
old-fashioned  school;  for  these  activities  are  but 
organized  and  planned  substitutes  for  the  incidental 
doings  of  the  childhood  of  other  days.  They  are 
the  formal  substitutes  for  the  activities  by  means 
of  which  a  past  generation  of  men  and  women  ac- 

106 


Habits  of  careful  work  furnish  a  good  foundation  for  the  will. 


THE  TRAINING  OF  THE  WILL 

quired  that  will-training  and  that  insight  into  rela- 
tions which  distinguished  their  characters. 

All  systematic  and  sustained  effort,  whether  in 
organizing  a  game  or  carrying  a  garden  through 
from  the  sowing  to  the  harvest,  whether  in  making 
a  dress  or  a  chest  of  drawers,  has  its  moral  value 
as  training  in  application,  self-control,  and  decision, 
quite  distinct  from  its  contribution  to  knowledge  or 
skill. 

Two  or  three  generations  ago  no  thought  what- 
ever was  given  to  the  child's  point  of  view;  the 
authority  of  parents  was  absolute,  and  there  were 
many  unhappy  childhoods.  To-day  we  wish  to 
avoid  these  errors,  and  by  studying  the  child  we 
hope  to  adjust  our  treatment  to  his  nature  and  his 
needs. 

But  we  must  be  on  our  guard  against  the  danger 
of  going  to  the  extreme  of  attributing  to  the  child 
ideas  and  instincts  which  he  does  not  possess.  In 
former  times  it  was  considered  one  of  the  mother's 
chief  duties  to  "  break  the  child's  will " ;  to-day, 
realizing  the  importance  of  a  strong  will,  we  are 
in  danger  of  assuming  that  a  child's  stubbornness 
or  wilfulness  is  a  manifestation  of  a  strong  will, 
and  we  hesitate  to  interfere  with  it. 

This  is  an  entirely  false  assumption.  In  the 
first  place,  a  child  up  to  the  age  of  about  three 

107 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

years  has  no  will;  he  can  only  have  strong  desires 
or  impulses,  or  pet  aversions.  During  this  period 
the  mother's  will  must  be  his  will,  and  there  can 
be  no  clash  of  wills.  But,  to  be  his  will,  the  mother 
must  guide  the  child  in  accordance  with  his  needs, 
his  instincts, — that  is,  in  accordance  with  his 
nature,  and  not  in  accordance  with  her  convenience 
or  caprice.  She  must  bear  constantly  in  mind  that 
the  child  is  not  merely  a  miniature  man  or  woman, 
but  that  each  stage  in  his  development  represents 
a  distinct  combination  of  instincts,  impulses  and 
capacities.  If,  for  example,  your  little  girl  is  dig- 
ging in  the  dirt — a  very  natural  and  healthful 
activity — and  you  stop  her  for  no  better  reason 
than  that  she  will  soil  her  hands  or  clothes,  you 
are  unduly  interfering  with  her,  and  if  you  con- 
tinue in  that  way,  you  will  either  make  a  defiant, 
disagreeable  youngster  or  a  servile,  cringing  slave 
to  arbitrary  authority.  On  the  other  hand,  if 
Johnny  should  wish  to  play  with  a  knife  or  a  box 
of  matches,  it  manifestly  devolves  upon  you  to 
take  these  objects  away  from  him,  no  matter  how 
strong  his  desire  to  have  them  may  be.  But  it 
also  devolves  upon  you  to  see  that  such  harmful 
objects  are  not  very  easy  for  him  to  obtain  and  to 
see  to  it  that  plenty  of  other  harmless  things  are 
provided  for  him. 

1 08 


THE  TRAINING  OF  THE  WILL 

This  suggests  a  common  mistake  parents  and 
loving  friends  often  make  in  meeting  the  uncomfort- 
able assertions  of  the  child's  will.  When  the  child 
cries  for  the  moon,  you  try  to  get  him  interested  in  a 
jack-in-the-box;  and  when  he  wants  a  fragile  piece 
of  bric-a-brac — you  try  to  substitute  for  it  a  tin 
whistle.  With  a  very  young  child,  that  is  about 
all  you  can  do.  But  a  time  comes  when  the  child 
is  old  enough  to  know  the  difference  between  that 
upon  which  he  has  set  his  heart  and  that  which 
you  have  substituted  for  it  in  his  hand.  At  this 
time  you  must  stop  offering  substitutes.  The  child 
is  now  old  enough  to  understand  that  some  things 
are  not  to  be  had,  and  that  crying  for  them  will 
not  bring  them.  To  offer  him  a  substitute  is  now 
not  only  an  insult  to  his  intelligence,  but  it  is 
demoralizing  to  his  will ;  it  makes  for  a  loose  hold 
upon  the  object  of  his  desire — and  it  is  the  firmness 
of  this  hold  that  is  the  beginning  of  a  strong  will. 
It  does  not  take  the  child  long  to  learn  that  he  is 
not  to  have  a  knife  or  a  lighted  lamp;  nor  does  it 
take  him  long  to  get  into  the  way  of  scattering  his 
desires,  so  that  he  has  no  will  at  all. 

In  the  second  place,  the  assumption  that  stub- 
bornness is  a  sign  of  strength  is  false,  even  for 
older  children.  Stubbornness  is,  in  fact,  a  sign  of 
weakness.  It  indicates  that  the  child  is  either  in- 

109 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

capable  of  adjusting  himself  to  the  appeal  that  is 
made  to  his  judgment  or  feelings,  or  that  his  weak- 
ness will  make  it  impossible  for  him  in  the  presence 
of  his  immediate  desire  to  recognize  the  superior 
judgment  and  authority  of  his  elders,  at  home  or 
in  school.  It  takes  much  more  will  power  to  give 
in  than  to  carry  one's  point.  But  we  must  always 
make  sure  that  we  are  not  the  obstinate  and  wilful 
ones.  If  you  have  a  very  good  reason  for  not 
wanting  Helen  to  go  to  the  dance — even  if  she  is 
too  young  to  understand  that  reason — you  are  per- 
fectly justified  in  carrying  your  point.  If  your 
reason  is  a  wise  one,  she  will  come  to  see  it  in  time 
and  will  honor  and  respect  you  all  the  more  for  not 
having  given  in  to  her  impetuous  and  immature 
desire.  If  she  gives  in  gracefully,  because  she  can 
understand  the  reasons,  or  just  out  of  respect  for 
your  wishes,  having  found  your  guidance  wise  be- 
fore, hers  as  well  as  yours  is  the  triumph.  The 
only  thing  of  which  we  must  make  sure  is  that  we 
are  right  to  the  best  of  our  understanding,  and 
that  we  do  not  insist  upon  having  our  way  just 
because, — oh,  well,  just  because  we  have  a  right 
to  have  our  way,  being  in  authority.  As  G.  Stan- 
ley Hall,  the  father  of  child  study  in  this  country, 
has  so  well  said :  "  Our  will  should  be  a  rock,  not 
a  wave;  our  requirements  should  be  uniform,  with 

no 


THE  TRAINING  OF  THE  WILL 

no  whim,  no  mood  or  periodicity  about  them." 
Having  made  sure  of  ourselves,  we  need  not  fear 
that  training  our  wilful  children  will  weaken  their 
will. 

We  must  not  neglect  to  consider  the  very  close 
relation  that  exists  between  the  health  of  the  body 
and  the  health  of  the  spirit.  A  strong  will,  show- 
ing itself  in  ability  to  concentrate  its  efforts  on  a 
chosen  purpose,  is  not  to  be  expected  in  a  child 
whose  muscles  are  flabby  and  whose  nerves  quickly 
tire.  Since  the  will  expresses  itself  in  action,  it 
can  be  best  cultivated  in  a  body  capable  of  vigorous 
action. 

The  young  child  is  not  only  a  bundle  of  bones 
and  muscles;  it  is  also  a  bundle  of  impulses.  And 
some  of  these  impulses  lead  to  actions  that  are 
quite  desirable,  while  others  lead  to  actions  that 
are  indifferent,  and  still  others  to  actions  that  are 
decidedly  undesirable.  But,  so  far  as  the  child  is 
concerned,  he  has  no  means  of  discriminating  be- 
tween one  kind  of  impulse  and  another.  He  would 
just  as  soon  carry  poison  to  his  mouth  as  good 
food;  he  would  rather  grasp  at  a  flame  than  at  a 
harmless  rattle.  One  of  the  essentials  then  becomes 
suitable  knowledge.  As  the  child  grows  older  he 
should  gradually  learn  that  knowledge  is  necessary 
to  wise  choice.  It  is  not  so  much  the  knowledge 

in 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

of  what  is  commonly  called  "  good  "  or  "  evil "  as 
the  knowledge  of  relations  and  needs  that  will  en- 
able him  to  choose  ends,  and  to  choose  effective 
means  toward  those  ends.  Yet  we  cannot  begin  too 
early  to  have  such  considerations  as  "  It  is  right," 
or  "  It  is  best,"  rather  than  "  I  want  it,"  influence 
the  conduct  of  our  children.  But,  in  order  to  do 
the  right,  we  have  to  know  the  right,  and  the  chil- 
dren who  get  these  moral  lessons  in  their  homes 
are  fortunate  indeed.  It  is  here  the  child  should 
acquire  his  feeling  of  loyalty  to  duty,  for  such  les- 
sons learned  in  the  home  are  the  most  impressive 
and  the  most  enduring.  We  must  also  make  certain 
that  children  all  through  their  lives  at  home  are 
given  opportunity  for  choice  and  decision. 

In  this  matter  of  making  decisions  there  is  a 
great  deal  of  individual  variation,  and  even  distinct 
types  of  persons  have  been  described,  according  to 
the  way  they  reach  decisions.  At  one  extreme  is 
the  child — or  the  grown  person — who  apparently 
without  any  effort  balances  the  reasons  that  may 
be  given  on  the  opposite  sides  of  a  problem,  and 
makes  his  choice  solely  on  the  strength  of  the 
reasoned  argument.  Herbert  Spencer  tells  in  his 
Autobiography  how,  when  a  young  man,  he  wrote 
down,  as  in  a  ledger,  all  the  advantages  and  all  the 
disadvantages  he  could  think  of  in  regard  to  the 

112 


THE  TRAINING  OF  THE  WILL 

married  state.  After  checking  off  the  items  on  the 
two  sides  of  the  account,  he  found  a  balance  in 
favor  of  remaining  single.  Later  in  life  he  had  his 
doubts  as  to  whether  the  decision  was  a  wise  one, 
but  it  was  the  best  he  could  make  under  the  circum- 
stances, for  he  made  use  of  all  the  knowledge  at 
his  command  and  stood  by  his  reasoned  decision. 

At  the  opposite  extreme  is  the  person  who  re- 
solves to  do  what  is  right  (although  he  may  have 
no  systematic  means  of  discovering  what  is  right), 
and  carries  out  his  resolution  at  the  cost  of  fre- 
quently painful  effort.  To  such  persons  there  is 
a  kind  of  association  between  what  is  easy  and 
what  is  wrong  on  the  one  hand,  and  between  what 
is  difficult  and  what  is  right  on  the  other.  Our 
early  Puritans  were  men  of  this  type,  and  there  is 
much  to  admire  in  the  sturdiness  with  which  they 
crushed  their,  impulses  in  the  resolve  to  carry  out 
their  ideals  of  the  right. 

Almost  complete  lack  of  will  is  shown  by  those 
who  reach  their  decisions — by  not  reaching  them. 
That  is,  there  are  those  doubting,  hesitating  souls 
who  postpone  making  a  decision  until  action  is 
forced  upon  them  by  some  accidental  event.  These 
let  other  persons  or  the  course  of  events  make  their 
decisions  for  them.  There  is  such  a  delicate  bal- 
ancing of  the  desires — usually  because  all  desires 
8  113 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

are  equally  weak — that  none  stands  out  to  dominate 
the  choice  of  a  line  of  action.  George  wanted  to 
go  to  the  circus,  and  had  saved  enough  from  his 
weekly  allowance;  but  he  was  saving  up  to  buy  a 
rifle,  and  he  was  undecided  now  as  to  whether  he 
would  go  to  the  circus  or  add  to  his  savings  and 
get  the  rifle  so  much  the  sooner.  The  sight  of 
some  other  boys  on  the  way  to  the  circus  made  the 
decision  for  him.  This  decision  was  not  a  reasoned 
one,  but  an  accidental  one. 

Similar  in  its  weakness  is  the  will  that  reaches 
no  decisions  except  as  the  balance  is  upset  by  later 
impulses  from  within.  The  girl  or  boy  who  allows 
a  slight  headache  or  a  tired  feeling  to  make  impor- 
tant decisions  cannot  be  said  to  have  much  strength 
of  character.  On  Saturday  Mabel  was  to  have  gone 
on  a  steamboat  excursion — or  on  a  visit  to  a  friend, 
to  stay  over  night.  When  she  went  to  sleep  Friday 
night  she  had  not  yet  made  up  her  mind;  but  she 
finally  went  to  visit  her  friend  because  she  had  over- 
slept and  was  too  late  to  join  the  excursion  party. 

Children  that  have  not  acquired  habits  of  mak- 
ing definite  decisions  will  find  themselves  badly 
adrift  when  they  reach  the  adolescent  period,  with 
its  rapid  changes  of  mood  and  the  masses  of  fre- 
quently conflicting  impulses.  To  be  able  to  restrain 
each  impulse  to  action  as  it  arises,  and  to  hold  it  in 

114 


THE  TRAINING  OF  THE  WILL 

abeyance  until  all  the  alternatives  have  been  can- 
vassed, is  a  power  that  comes  only  after  years  of 
thought  and  practice. 

However,  it  is  not  enough  to  be  able  to  re- 
frain from  doing  what  one  is  impelled  to  do. 
Many  mothers  think  that  they  are  training  the 
child's  will  when  they  prohibit  the  taking  or  hand- 
ling of  various  things  about  the  house.  It  is  true 
that  the  child  should  learn  when  quite  young  to 
avoid  certain  objects.  But  if  the  prohibitions  are 
too  general  the  child  will  be  frequently  tempted  to 
break  the  rules,  and  then  he  will  fall  in  his  own 
esteem;  or  he  will  observe  the  rule  and  have  too 
little  outlet  for  his  activity  and  initiative.  The 
will  does  not  thrive  on  what,  the  child  is  prevented 
from  doing,  but  on  what  the  child  actually  does  do. 

The  child's  need  is  for  practice  in  doing  and  in 
choosing  what  he  will  do.  When  activities  or  games 
are  suggested  to  a  younger  child,  it  is  best  to  give 
him  a  choice  of  two  or  three.  When  the  children 
are  older  they  can  be  consulted  about  the  purchase 
of  their  clothes,  and  they  ought  gradually  to  assume 
their  share — a  small  one  at  first — of  the  responsi- 
bility of  the  household.  As  early  as  possible  they 
should  have  their  own  money  to  spend,  as  in  no 
other  way  can  they  learn  the  use  of  judgment  and 
decision  in  the  spending  of  money.  In  the  house- 

115 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

holds  wherein  children  do  not  have  such  opportu- 
nities, but  in  which  the  parents  rule  everything  with 
a  high  hand,  the  children  grow  up  very  inefficient  in 
managing  their  time  and  their  money ;  they  have  be- 
come accustomed  to  being  ruled  and  flounder  help- 
lessly when  called  upon  to  decide  for  themselves. 

The  will,  which  is  at  the  heart  of  moral  conduct 
and  which  is  so  much  in  need  of  training,  cannot, 
as  we  have  seen,  be  trained  as  a  thing  by  itself.  All 
training  and  all  education  must  contribute  to  the 
training  of  the  will.  Still,  there  are  some  definite 
points  that  we  can  profitably  keep  in  mind  when 
we  are  concerned  with  the  child's  will : 

First  of  all  conies  sound  bodily  health. 

Then  there  must  be  sound  habits  for  most  of 
the  everyday  activities,  that  the  will  may  not  be 
dissipated  upon  trivial  matters,  and  that  the  com- 
mon duties  and  virtues  may  be  assured. 

There  must  be  constant  practice  in  sustained 
effort  and  concentration  upon  useful  tasks,  in  order 
to  fix  the  habit  of  holding  the  attention  upon  the 
chosen  purpose. 

We  must  not  confuse  wilfulness  with  strength 
of  will;  and,  finally, 

There  must  be  constant  opportunity  for  making 
decisions  that  the  child  may  feel  responsibility  in 
making  of  decisions  as  the  highest  type  of  conduct. 

116 


VIII. 

HOW    CHILDREN    REASON 

"  THOSE  children  will  not  listen  to  reason," 
said  a  friend  whom  I  discovered  in  an  agitated  state 
of  mind  one  afternoon,  when  I  came  to  make  a 
call ;  and  she  was  by  no  means  the  first  to  make  this 
observation.  Indeed,  it  is  one  of  the  characteris- 
tics of  children  that  they  will  not  listen  to  reason, 
— that  is,  our  reason.  Which  is  not,  however,  say- 
ing anything  against  the  children's  good  sense,  for 
people  with  much  more  experience  have  refused  to 
listen  to  reason — the  children's  reason. 

Margaret  told  me  her  troubles.  Her  sister 
had  rented  a  farm  near  the  city  for  the  summer  and 
had  offered  to  let  Walter  spend  his  vacation  with 
her  in  exchange  for  such  bits  of  help  as  he  was  able 
to  render.  But  Walter  had  made  up  his  mind  to 
go  to  work  in  an  office  that  summer,  and,  although 
he  loved  the  country  and  had  always  wanted  to 
drive  a  horse  and  go  fishing,  his  mother's  attempts 
to  convince  him  of  the  wisdom  of  her  choice  were 
without  avail.  He  would  not  listen  to  her  reasons. 
She  pointed  to  the  health  argument,  to  the  oppor- 
tunities for  play,  the  free  time,  the  driving,  the 
fishing,  and  the  fruit  without  limit.  Knowing 

«7 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

Walter  as  I  did,  I  could  not  understand  why  it 
was  so  hard  to  convince  him. 

But  every  story  has  at  least  two  sides  to  it,  and 
of  this  story  I  had  heard  only  one.  The  mother 
was  so  concerned  with  giving  her  son  her  good 
reasons  for  going  to  the  country  that  she  never 
even  thought  of  rinding  out  his  equally  good  rea- 
sons for  going  to  the  office.  Presently,  however, 
Walter  came  in,  and  my  first  leading  question 
brought  out  the  true  secret  of  the  disagreement. 

"  What  is  there  about  working  in  an  office,"  I 
asked  the  boy,  "  that  you  care  so  much  about?  " 

"Oh,  it  isn't  working  in  an  office  that  I  care 
about;  I  just  want  to  earn  some  money.  I  never 
did  make  any  money  myself,  and  now  I  have  a 
good  chance  and  mother  won't  let  me." 

This  was  really  too  simple;  here  two  sane  per- 
sons had  spent  several  days  on  the  problem  without 
coming  to  any  solution.  By  placing  Walter's  ser- 
vices on  the  farm  on  a  financial  basis  and  making 
him  pay  for  his  board  he  managed  to  spend  his 
vacation,  healthfully  and  happily  and  profitably  in 
every  sense;  and  everybody  was  satisfied. 

Over  and  over  again  we  are  impressed  with  the 
fact  that  most  disagreements  between  people— 
whether  between  adults  or  between  children,  or 
between  children  and  adults — are  due  to  misunder- 

11* 


HOW  CHILDREN  REASON 

standings.  As  soon  as  parents  resolve  not  to  treat 
their  children  arbitrarily, — that  is,  on  the  basis  of  \ 
their  superior  strength  and  authority, — they  adopt 
a  plan  of  "  reasoning  "  with  them.  This  plan  might 
work  very  well,  if  the  parents  only  understood  the 
children's  way  of  reasoning,  if  they  but  realized 
that  the  child  does  not  reason  as  do  adults,  that  he 
reasons  differently  in  each  stage  of  his  development. 

Our  manner  of  reasoning  depends  very  closely 
upon  our  language.  But  every  significant  word 
that  we  use  has  a  distinct  meaning  in  the  mind  of 
the  individual,  depending  altogether  upon  his  expe- 
rience. As  the  experience  of  the  child  is  very 
meagre,  compared  to  that  of  the  grown-up  person, 
it  is  no  wonder  that  our  everyday  remarks  are  con- 
stant sources  of  misunderstanding  to  children. 

The  little  girl  who  had  been  frequently  reproved 
for  not  using  her  right  hand  came  to  have  a  positive 
dislike  for  her  other  hand,  which  she  naturally  un- 
derstood to  be  a  wrong  hand,  and  she  did  not  wish 
to  have  anything  wrong  about  her  person.  A  boy 
was  trying  to  tell  his  sister  the  meaning  of  "  home- 
sick." "  You  know  how  it  feels  to  be  seasick,  don't 
you?  Well,  it's  the  same  way,  only  it's  at  home." 

Children  are  apt  to  attach  to  a  word  the  first 
meaning  that  they  learn  in  connection  with  it.  Only 
with  the  increase  of  experience  can  a  word  come 

119 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

to  have  more  than  one  meaning.  Moreover,  the 
child  will  apply  what  he  hears  with  fatal  exactness 
and  literalness. 

Two  little  girls  were  at  a  party  and  the  older 
one  found  occasion  to  slap  her  sister's  hand.  The 
hostess  reproved  her  for  this,  whereupon  the  little 
girl  asked,  "  Isn't  she  my  own  sister  ? "  The 
hostess  had  to  admit  that  she  was.  "  Well,  I  heard 
papa  say  that  he  can  do  what  he  likes  with  his  own." 

Doing  what  we  like  with  our  own  meant  to  the 
child  exactly  what  the  words  said,  without  those 
qualifications  which  we  naturally  put  in  because  of 
our  greater  experience. 

Children  learn  with  wonder  that  mother  was 
once  a  baby,  and  that  father  was  once  a  baby,  and 
so  on.  Dr.  Sully  tells  of  the  little  girl  who  asked 
her  mother,  "  When  everybody  was  a  baby,  then 
who  could  be  the  nurse  if  they  were  all  babies?  " 
This  shows  real  reasoning  power;  it  was  not  the 
child's  fault  that  she  had  no  historical  perspective, 
and  so  could  not  see  the  babyhoods  of  different 
people  in  their  proper  relations  in  time. 

A  little  boy  who  was  beginning  to  read  deciph- 
ered a  sign  in  a  grocery  store,  "  Families  supplied.'* 
He  asked  his  mother  whether  they  could  not  get  a 
new  baby  there. 

When  Herbert  was  passing  through  the  scissors 

120 


HOW  CHILDREN  REASON 

stage  he  cut  a  hole  in  his  father's  coat.  The 
father  scolded  him  for  spoiling  his  suit;  Herbert 
calmly  replied,  "  I  did  not  cut  your  suit;  I  only  cut 
the  coat."  He  resented  this  accusation,  which  in 
his  mind  was  not  merely  an  exaggeration,  but  en- 
tirely false,  since  a  suit  is  a  suit  and  a  coat  is  a  coat. 

A  little  girl,  while  out  with  her  nurse  and 
brother,  got  lost  by  separating  herself  from  the 
nurse's  side.  When  she  was  at  last  found  she  was 
reprimanded  for  running  away  from  the  nurse. 
She  felt  that  she  was  being  unjustly  treated,  for 
she  said,  "  I  did  not  run  away;  I  only  stood  away," 
meaning,  she  had  stepped  around  the  corner  to  look 
in  a  window.  If  she  had  been  scolded  for  getting 
out  of  sight  of  the  nurse,  she  would  have  felt  justly 
reproved ;  but,  accused  of  doing  something  she  never 
did  and  never  thought  of  doing, — that  is,  running 
away, — she  naturally  resented  this. 

Those  who  have  to  deal  with  children  in  an  in- 
timate way  cannot  be  too  scrupulous  about  how 
they  use  their  words. 

The  logic  of  children  often  appears  to  us  all 
wrong  until  we  take  the  trouble  to  see  how  they 
come  to  their  queer  conclusions. 

The  story  is  told  of  a  boy  who  was  sent  to  the 
circus  in  the  neighboring  town  by  his  uncle,  who 
gave  him  an  additional  quarter  "  so  you  can  ride 

121 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

back  in  case  it  rains/'  Well,  it  did  rain,  and 
Howard  came  back  riding  on  the  top  seat,  next  to 
the  driver,  wet  to  the  skin.  Now,  any  grown-up 
person  knows  why  he  was  to  ride  back  "  in  case  it 
rains  " ;  but  to  Howard  the  association  of  ideas  was 
directly  between  raining  and  riding,  and  not 
between  riding  and  coming  home  dry. 

This  illustrates  a  very  common  difference  be- 
tween the  reasoning  of  children  and  that  of  adults. 
We  select  ideas  from  a  situation  and  combine  them 
and  come  to  conclusions.  The  child  combines 
ideas,  but  he  does  not  make  any  selection,  and  the 
simple  explanation  for  this  lies  in  the  fact  that  the 
child  has  not  enough  experience  to  enable  him  to 
select  what  is  significant.  Thus  a  little  girl,  who 
had  been  too  boisterous  in  her  play,  was  called 
in  by  her  mother  and  made  to  sit  quietly  in 
a  chair  for  about  ten  minutes.  At  the  end  of  this 
time  her  mother  asked  her  whether  she  would  "  be 
good  now."  The  child  promised  that  she  would, 
and  was  told  that  she  might  then  go  out  to  play 
again.  As  she  arose  she  affectionately  turned  to 
the  chair  and  said,  "  Thank  you,  dear  chair,  for 
making  me  so  good."  Having  been  declared 
"  good  "  after  sitting  in  the  chair,  she  attributed 
the  beneficent  change  in  her  behavior  to  the  chair; 
and,  being  a  polite  little  girl,  she  thanked  the  chair. 

122 


HOW  CHILDREN  REASON 

Very  often  these  simple  types  of  reasoning  have 
their  humorous  aspects  and  we  do  not  take  them 
seriously.  One  winter  a  little  boy  who  had  always 
gone  to  bed  regularly  (he  was  four  and  a  half  years 
old  then)  began  to  call  for  some  one  to  come  to 
him  after  he  was  supposed  to  be  asleep.  He  wanted 
to  sit  up  and  play,  he  wanted  to  get  dressed,  and 
he  wanted  something  more  to  eat.  This  continued 
for  several  evenings,  and  it  seemed  impossible  to 
get  him  back  into  his  good  habits.  At  last  he  was 
asked,  "  Why  do  you  want  to  get  up  now  ?  "  and 
he  answered  at  once,  "  Because  it  is  winter  now." 

'  Yes,  it  is  winter  now,  but  it  is  time  for  you 
to  be  asleep/'  he  was  told. 

"  But  it  says  in  the  book  that  I  must  get  up," 
he  insisted. 

"Which  book?" 

"  I  will  show  you,"  and  he  took  from  his  shelf 
a  copy  of  Stevenson's  "  Garden  of  Verses,"  and 
turned  to  the  picture  opposite  the  poem  that 
begins : 

In  winter  I  get  up  at  night 

And  dress  by  yellow  candle  light. 

To  him  this  meant  that  in  winter,  after  going  to 
bed,  at  night,  one  must  get  up  and  dress.  It  is  very 
likely  many  children  who  have  had  this  delightful 
poem  read  to  them  have  interpreted  it  in  the  same 

123 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

way,  but  probably  very  few  parents  have  taken  the 
pains  to  trace  their  children's  unaccountable  "  mis- 
behavior "  at  bedtime  to  such  a  source. 

This  same  poem  produced  in  another  child  quite 
a  different  train  of  reasoning,  for  "  Why  did  the 
little  girl  get  up  at  night  and  sleep  in  the  daytime?  " 
he  asked,  "  Was  she  a  trained  nurse  ?  "  It  then 
became  necessary  to  recall  that  an  aunt  of  the 
child's,  who  was  a  trained  nurse,  often  slept  at 
home  during  the  day,  after  having  worked  with 
some  patient  at  night. 

There  is  no  doubt  that  many  of  the  crotchets 
and  "  perversities  "  of  a  child  have  their  origin  in 
chains  of  reasoning  that  are  perfectly  legitimate, 
in  view  of  the  past  experiences  of  the  young  mind, 
although  not  in  harmony  with  the  reasoning  of 
more  mature  minds.  The  parent  spends  much  time 
and  energy,  and  much  heartburning,  sometimes, 
to  overcome  these  whims.  What  is  needed  is  a 
patient  and  sympathetic  attempt  to  discover  how  the 
child  has  come  to  his  queer  ideas  and  desires. 

The  annoyance  that  children  cause  us  with  their 
questionings  is  due  very  largely  to  the  fact  that 
we  cannot  answer  their  questions,  since  the  reason- 
ing that  prompts  them  is  too  searching.  A  little  boy 
shocked  and  vexed  his  grandmother,  who  was  try- 
ing to  teach  him  the  elements  of  theology,  by  asking 

124 


HOW  CHILDREN  REASON 

"  Who  made  God  ?  "  It  is  very  likely  that  every 
normal  child  has  asked  the  same  question  in  one 
form  or  another.  This  attempt  to  reach  back  to  the 
very  beginning  of  causes  resembles  in  many  ways 
the  speculations  of  the  mediaeval  metaphysicians, 
and  should  certainly  not  be  discouraged.  We  need 
not,  on  the  other  hand,  make  the  effort  to  answer 
every  question  a  child  may  ask,  for  at  a  certain 
stage  in  his  development  he  will  get  the  habit  of 
asking  questions  without  really  caring  for  the  an- 
swers. But  the  questions  are  worth  hearing,  in 
most  cases,  just  to  help  us  understand  how  the  child 
does  reason.  Some  of  the  questions  indicate  a  great 
deal  of  reasoning  of  a  very  valuable  kind.  When 
the  little  boy  asks,  "  Why  don't  I  see  two  things 
with  my  two  eyes  ?  "  or  when  the  little  girl  looks 
up  from  her  dolls  and  asks,  "  Am  I  real,  or  just 
pretend,  like  my  doll  ?  "  they  show  that  they  have 
been  thinking.  When  a  child  has  passed  through 
the  metaphysical  stage  of  reasoning,  he  will  be 
more  interested  in  animals  and  other  objects  of 
Nature;  and  his  questions  will  have  to  do  more 
with  the  operation  of  processes — how  he  grows, 
and  how  fishes  breathe  in  the  water,  and  how  birds 
fly.  Later,  he  wants  to  know  how  things  work, 
what  makes  the  locomotive  go,  how  the  noise  goes 
through  the  telephone,  how  the  incubator  makes 

125 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

chickens  come  out  of  eggs.  The  reasoning  of  the 
child  may  lead  to  weird  conclusions,  but  it  is  real 
reasoning,  and  can  be  improved  not  by  being  ridi- 
culed, nor  by  being  suppressed,  but  by  being  sym- 
pathetically understood  and  encouraged. 

Perhaps  the  most  serious  phase  of  the  peculiar- 
ities of  children's  reasoning  appears  with  older 
children  when  it  comes  to  reasoning  about  right  and 
wrong  conduct.  Professor  Swift,  of  Washington 
University,  has  made  a  careful  study  of  this  sub- 
ject, from  replies  given  by  many  men  to  questions 
about  their  ideas  as  boys.  It  seems  that  men  who 
are  irreproachable  in  their  moral  standards  pass 
through  a  stage  in  which  they  consider  it  legitimate 
fun  to  rob  orchards  or  to  commit  petty  thefts. 

Children  draw  fine  distinctions  between  wrong 
acts  and  acts  that  are  not  very  wrong,  though  they 
may  not  be  quite  right.  One  man  says,  "  I  dis- 
tinguished between  taking  money,  real  stealing,  and 
taking  fruit."  Another  says  of  fruit  taking,  "  I 
only  partly  regarded  it  as  stealing."  One  man 
writes,  "When  a  close-fisted  employer  refused  to 
let  me  have  my  clothes  at  cost,  I  pocketed  enough 
of  his  change  to  bring  my  clothes  down  to  the  cost 
mark."  Few  regarded  taking  money  from  their 
parents  as  "  very  bad,"  and  distinguished  between 
such  stealing  and  taking  money  from  strangers. 

126 


HOW  CHILDREN  REASON 

A  boy  of  fifteen  was  reproved  for  holding  his 
ear  to  the  keyhole  of  a  room  in  which  his  mother 
and  sisters  were  having  an  animated  discussion. 
The  appellation  "  eavesdropper  "  did  not  disconcert 
him  in  the  least.  On  the  contrary,  he  undertook  to 
justify  his  conduct  on  the  ground  that  he  was  being 
discussed,  and  as  he  had  no  "  dictagraph  "  he  was 
obliged  to  do  the  listening  in  person.  The  fact  that 
the  dictagraph  had  been  so  frequently  used  for 
getting  information  that  was  later  used  in  court 
was  to  him  a  sufficient  justification  of  his  conduct. 

It  is  well  known  that  all  children  pass  through 
the  stage  illustrated  by  these  cases,  in  which  they 
have  the  savage's  conception  of  right  and  wrong. 
For  most  children  the  difference  between  going  to 
the  reformatory  or  jail  and  turning  out  decent  men 
and  women  is  one  of  wholesome  and  sympathetic 
environment.  Undue  severity,  no  less  than  bad 
example,  confirms  many  a  youth  in  these  habits — 
which  should  represent  but  a  passing  stage  in  his 
development. 

Adults  should  not  read  their  own  ideas  of 
morality  into  the  acts  of  their  children  and  then 
catalogue  them  as  right  or  wrong.  Most  chil- 
dren's acts  are  neither  right  nor  wrong:  they  are 
merely  expressions  of  feelings  and  ideas  peculiar 
to  the  stage  of  development.  With  young  children 

127 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

ideas  of  right  and  wrong  divide  themselves  into  acts 
which  are  permitted  and  those  which  are  forbidden. 
They  have  no  conception  of  right  and  wrong  be- 
yond that. 

Many  an  act  that  a  boy  commits,  which  we  con- 
sider wrong,  is  but  the  expression  of  the  instincts 
of  his  age.  Our  duty  consists  in  helping  him  to 
pass  through  that  stage  without  making  perma- 
nent habits  of  these  temporary  impulses.  This 
help  must  not  be  given  through  branding  the  acts 
as  wicked  or  criminal,  nor  is  moralizing  itself  gen- 
erally effective.  Help  must  come  through  providing 
adequate  opportunities  for  play  and  games  and 
work  that  will  use  up  surplus  energy  both  of  mind 
and  body.  Above  all,  help  must  come  through  the 
healthy  examples  and  the  constant  manifestation 
of  high  ideals  in  the  home. 

Every  normal  child  will  in  time  respond  to  these 
influences.  There  are,  unfortunately,  some  children 
that  will  not  develop  beyond  this  stage  of  primi- 
tive, savage  instincts;  but  such  abnormal  children 
are  rare  and  we  cannot  deal  with  them  here. 

With  the  problem  of  reasoning,  then,  as  with 
all  other  aspects  of  child  training,  it  is  a  question 
of  understanding,  of  being  in  close  relations  with 
one's  children,  and  being  able  to  fathom  the  work- 
ings of  their  minds. 

128 


IX. 

WORK   AND    PLAY 

ALL  work  and  no  play  makes  Jack  a  dull  boy. 
And  it  is  this  same  lack  of  play  that  produces  so 
many  dull  men  and  women;  for  the  spirit  of  play 
is  the  spirit  of  youth  and  spontaneity  and  joy.  Yet 
work  and  play  have  so  much  in  common  that  it 
seems  unfortunate  indeed  that  all  of  us  have  not 
learned  to  retain  our  youth  when  work  becomes 
necessary. 

I  trust  that  there  are  few  to-day  who  still  be- 
lieve that  play  is  wicked.  If  we  desire  our  chil- 
dren to  grow  up  into  healthy  and  joyful  and  moral 
men  and  women,  then  must  we  consider  play  a 
necessity  of  life.  For  play  is  more  than  merely  a 
pleasant  means  for  passing  the  time;  it  is  a  school 
of  life,  it  is  a  means  for  physical,  mental,  and  moral 
education. 

The  young  child,  before  he  is  old  enough  to 
play  horse,  or  to  imitate  other  activities  he  sees 
going  on  around  him,  gets  his  play  from  handling 
a  rattle  or  a  ball,  from  random  movements  of  his 
legs  and  arms,  or  from  playing  with  his  fingers  and 
his  toes.  He  derives  satisfaction  from  the  sensa- 

9  129 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

tions  of  touch  and  sight  and  sound,  as  well  as  from 
the  feeling  of  freedom  and  the  sensation  of  his 
active  muscles.  But  this  infantile  play  is  not  only 
satisfying  to  the  child;  it  is  a  means  for  learning 
the  use  of  his  little  hands  and  arms  and  legs.  When 
the  baby  learns  to  crawl,  and  later  to  walk,  he 
derives  pleasure  from  the  exercise  of  his  newly- 
acquired  arts,  and  at  the  same  time  attains  perfec- 
tion in  the  use  of  his  limbs  and  in  the  correlation 
of  his  muscles.  He  is  also  gaining  strength  with 
his  growth,  for  these  muscles  will  not  gain  in 
strength  unless  they  are  exercised.  Of  course,  the 
child  does  not  know  about  these  advantages  of 
play;  but  the  mother  should  know  and  give  the 
growing  child  every  opportunity  to  exercise  him- 
self in  every  possible  way;  for  thus  alone  can  he 
gain  in  strength,  in  endurance,  and  in  confidence. 

When  the  child  is  a  little  older  his  play  takes  on 
new  forms,  for  he  is  now  deliberately  making 
things :  the  chairs  become  wagons  and  animals,  the 
corner  of  the  room  may  be  made  into  a  lake,  a 
pencil  or  a  button-hook  is  quite  long  enough  for  a 
fishing  pole,  and  a  handful  of  beans  may  be  con- 
verted into  all  kinds  of  merchandise,  coins  for 
barter,  a  flock  of  birds,  or  seaside  pebbles.  That 
is,  as  the  child's  experience  broadens,  he  finds  more 
to  imitate,  he  exercises  his  imagination  more,  and 

130 


WORK  AND  PLAY 

combines  into  more  complex  plays  the  materials 
he  finds  about  him.  But  all  the  time  the  child  is 
working,  as  much  so  as  an  artisan  at  his  task;  and 
all  the  time  the  child  is  learning,  more  rapidly  prob- 
ably than  if  he  were  at  school;  and  all  the  time  the 
child  is  playing, — that  is,  enjoying  the  outlet  of  his 
impulses. 

Play  has  been  called  the  ideal  type  of  exercise, 
because  it  is  the  kind  of  exercise  that  occupies  the 
whole  child,  his  mental  as  well  as  his  physical 
side — and  later,  also,  the  moral  side.  In  play 
the  exercise  is  regulated  by  the  interests,  so 
that,  while  there  may  be  extreme  exertion,  there 
is  not  the  same  danger  of  overstrain  as  is  possible 
with  work  that  he  is  forced  to  do.  In  play  the 
exercise  is  carried  on  with  freedom  of  the  spirit, 
so  that  the  flow  of  blood  and  the  feeling  of  exhila- 
ration make  for  health. 

When  children  begin,  to  play  at  work  their 
activities  are  not  entirely  imitative,  although  the 
kind  of  work  they  choose  will  be  determined  by 
the  kinds  of  activities  that  go  on  about  them.  The 
child  has  real  interests  in  work;  and  these  should 
be  encouraged  and  cultivated.  The  chief  interest  is, 
perhaps,  the  growing  sense  of  mastery  over  the 
materials  which  the  child  uses.  He  can  make  blocks 
take  on  any  form  he  pleases;  although  the  first 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

houses  he  tries  to  build  are  apt  to  be  just  a  random 
piling  of  his  material,  there  follows  a  growing  de- 
liberation and  planning,  so  that  he  comes  at  last  to 
make  what  he  has  intended  to  make,  and  not  merely 
produce  an  accidental  result. 

The  earlier  plays  of  the  child  are  not  at  all  in 
the  nature  of  games;  there  is  not  at  first  the  need 
for  a  companion.  There  is  no  special  order  in 
which  the  various  acts  of  his  play  have  to  be  carried 
out.  When  he  plays  horse  on  a  stick,  or  is  a  parade 
all  by  himself,  or  plays  house  in  the  corner,  a  few 
simple  movements  are  repeated  until  the  child  is 
tired  of  them,  or  until  something  occurs  to  shift  his 
interest.  Nor  is  there  in  these  early  plays  a  special 
point  that  marks  the  end  of  the  interest.  In  games, 
however,  these  three  factors  are  always  present :  it 
takes  two  or  more  to  play  a  game ;  there  is  a  definite 
order  or  succession  of  events,  and  there  is  a  definite 
finish  or  climax.  And  as  we  watch  the  children  at 
their  games  we  can  see  their  whole  mental  and 
moral  development  unfold  before  us,  for  nothing 
is  more  characteristic  of  a  child's  stage  of  develop- 
ment than  the  games  in  which  he  is  interested. 

While  we  are  content  to  let  the  younger  children 
play  as  much  as  they  like — because  very  often  the 
more  they  play,  the  less  they  annoy  us — we  are  all 
inclined  to  expect  of  the  older  children  an  increasing 

132 


WORK  AND  PLAY 

share  of  work  and  a  declining  interest  in  play. 
Some  of  us  are  even  inclined  to  discourage  the  play 
instinct  as  the  children  grow  older,  because  we  have 
come  to  think  of  play  as  something  not  only  friv- 
olous and  useless,  but  even  a  harmful  waste  of  time. 
Now,  the  educational  value  of  play  keeps  pace  with 
the  development  of  the  child.  That  is  to  say,  the 
child  outgrows  interest  in  games  about  as  fast  as 
these  lose  their  educational  value.  The  new  games 
that  the  child  takes  up  year  after  year  always  have 
something  new  to  teach  him. 

The  plays  of  the  early  period  develop  his  sense  \ 
perceptions,  they  give  practice  in  seeing  and  hearing  ' 
and  touching  with  quick  discernment.  Then  for 
four  or  five  years  play  gives  increased  mastery  of 
the  child's  own  body,  and  over  the  objects  and 
materials  with  which  he  plays.  Running  and  jump- 
ing are  for  skill  and  for  speed;  the  competitive 
instincts  drive  each  to  do  the  best  he  can  for  him- 
self. Later  the  games  give  exercise  in  the  adjust- 
ment of  the  child  not  only  to  his  material  surround- 
ings, but  also  to  other  children ;  in  other  words,  he 
learns  to  take  his  place  among  other  human  beings. 
From  the  games  in  which  the  children  take  their 
turns  at  some  activity  the  timid  child  learns  that 
he  has  equal  rights  with  others,  and  acquires  self- 
confidence;  whereas  the  child  disposed  to  be  over- 

133 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

bearing  learns  the  equally  necessary  lesson  that 
others  have  rights  which  he  must  respect.  Every 
child  learns  from  these  games  how  to  be  a  good 
loser  as  well  as  how  to  be  a  good  winner.  Just 
those  qualities  that  make  an  adult  an  agreeable 
associate  in  business  or  in  social  dealings  are 
brought  out  by  these  games  as  they  can  be  by  no 
ordinary  form  of  work  which  the  children  have  a 
chance  to  do. 

It  is  only  in  very  recent  times  that  we  have 
begun  to  notice  that  the  work  required  of  the  chil- 
dren in  the  schools  is  of  a  kind  that  either  ignores 
the  development  of  the  social  instincts  or  actually 
hinders  them,  so  that  the  moral  or  social  effect  of 
successful  school  work  is  frequently  very  unde- 
sirable. When  a  child  is  set  to  do  some  work  by 
himself,  even  if  the  work  is  not  too  difficult  for 
him,  there  is  no  exercise  for  the  social  instinct,  and 
the  work  must  be  very  interesting  indeed  to  hold  his 
continued  attention.  As  the  child  grows  older 
there  is  increasing  need  for  social  stimulation  of 
the  cooperative  kind  and  less  of  the  emulative  kind. 
Where  the  experiment  has  been  tried  of  having  the 
children  approach  their  school  work  as  they  ap- 
proach a  game,  with  the  feeling  of  getting  at  an 
interesting  goal,  with  opportunities  for  each  to  do 
his  best  for  the  whole  group  and  to  help  the  others, 

134 


WORK  AND  PLAY 

the  work  becomes  as  interesting  as  a  game,  and 
acquires  the  same  educational  value  as  a  good  game 
well  played.  In  the  home  we  might  often  get  the 
necessary  work  done  with  more  expedition  and 
with  better  spirit  if  we  recognized  the  child's  need 
of  constant  outlet  for  his  emotions,  and  if  we  rec- 
ognized the  depressing  effect  of  routine  and  soli- 
tude and  monotony.  One  of  the  chief  reasons  why 
working  girls  prefer  to  go  to  shops  and  factories, 
as  against  domestic  service,  lies  just  in  this  natural 
instinct  for  society.  The  work  of  the  household 
has  much  more  variety  than  the  work  of  a  factory; 
but  most  of  it  has  to  be  done  in  solitude,  without 
the  stimulation  that  comes  from  the  companion- 
ship of  others  doing  the  same  thing,  or  at  least 
working  within  reach  of  the  voice. 

The  truly  wonderful  transformations  in  char- 
acter that  have  been  worked  in  girls  and  in  boys  by 
means  of  well-organized  play  have  taught  us  the 
moral  value  of  team-work  for  the  older  children. 
In  these  games,  which  come  at  a  period  when  the 
child  has  already  acquired  considerable  skill  and 
strength,  the  chief  interest  is  in  doing  the  best  for 
the  team,  so  that  the  individual  learns  the  import- 
ance of  subordinating  himself  to  a  common  pur- 
pose. He  learns  the  joy  of  contributing  his  best 
to  his  "  side "  without  considering  his  individual 

i35 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

glory  or  gains.  In  this  way  he  acquires  that  negative 
but  very  important  side  of  self-control  which  con- 
sists in  the  ability  to  avoid  doing  what  the  impulse 
would  drive  him  to.  He  learns  also  the  impor- 
tance of  dreary  drudgery,  in  his  practice  work,  for 
acquiring  special  skill,  and  a  boy  will  spend  hours 
in  such  dull  practice,  animated  by  the  desire  not  to 
excel  some  other  individual,  but  by  the  desire  to 
help  his  team  win.  He  learns  not  only  to  take  his 
place  in  the  game,  but  to  judge  his  companions  by 
their  special  ability  and  by  their  value  to  the  group, 
rather  than  by  clothes  or  personal  feelings  or  other 
outward  and  incidental  facts.  All  these  things  the 
team  game  teaches  as  no  mere  instruction,  whether 
in  school  or  home,  can  teach. 

We  have  learned  from  the  results  of  these  play 
activities  with  all  kinds  of  children  in  the  city  and 
in  the  country,  of  rich  and  of  poor,  that  the  spirit 
of  the  game  is  not  only  capable  of  stimulating  the 
growing  boy  and  girl  to  a  tremendous  amount  of 
exertion,  but  also  of  organizing  his  or  her  feelings 
and  ideals  into  effective  moral  and  social  standards. 
And  when  the  same  spirit  is  applied  to  work,  we 
can  get  the  same  valuable  educative  results,  with 
the  addition  of  a  higher  appreciation  of  work  as 
work  than  usually  comes  from  an  early  experience 
with  doing  necessary  but  disagreeable  tasks.  For 

136 


WORK  AND  PLAY 

example,  in  one  city  the  shop  work  of  classes  of 
boys  was  organized  on  a  cooperative  basis.  The 
boys  worked  in  teams  for  the  making  of  desks  or 
cabinets.  The  results,  as  measured  by  finished 
product  or  by  the  quality  of  the  workmanship,  were 
far  ahead  of  what  the  same  instructors  could  get 
from  the  same  boys  when  the  attempt  was  made  to 
stimulate  the  workers  by  means  of  prizes  and  indi- 
vidual rewards.  Children  can  learn  to  work 
together  as  well  as  to  play  together.  If  you  have 
noticed  that  two  workers  very  often  do  half  as 
much  work  in  a  given  time  as  one  worker,  it  is 
because  they  have  not  learned  to  work  together — 
they  have  been  denied  the  opportunity  of  learning 
this,  and  now  take  occasion,  when  they  do  get  to- 
gether, to  do  almost  everything  but  work. 

There  are  many  opportunities  in  the  ordinary 
household  to  teach  girls  and  boys  to  do  useful  work 
in  a  spirit  very  similar  to  that  which  they  put  into 
their  games.  It  may  not  be  possible  to  make  all 
the  necessary  work  as  interesting  as  games,  but  the 
remoter  purpose  of  the  work,  whether  it  is  to  ac- 
complish something  whose  need  is  recognized  by 
the  child,  or  the  hope  of  some  reward,  should  make 
for  close  attention  to  the  task  in  hand.  For  ex- 
ample, after  a  certain  age,  sweeping  and  other 
household  tasks  lose  their  play  interest;  but  if  the 

i37 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

girl  has  become  skilful  enough  to  do  the  sweeping 
without  tiring,  her  recognition  of  the  necessity  of 
the  work  or  her  thought  of  what  she  wants  to  do 
when  the  task  is  accomplished  should  make  it  pos- 
sible to  get  through  with  this  work  without  a  feel- 
ing of  hardship.  Some  educators  approve  of  allot- 
ting definite  tasks  to  the  girls  and  boys,  and 
compensating  them  in  definite  amounts.  This  gives 
them  not  only  a  measure  of  the  value  of  their 
service,  but  makes  them  feel  the  responsibility  of 
each  contributing  toward  the  maintenance  of  the 
establishment.  The  main  thing  is  that  the  children 
shall  not  look  upon  work  as  a  cruel  imposition; 
and  to  this  end  we  should  develop  the  spirit  of 
helpfulness  and  cooperation — and  to  transfer  this 
spirit,  already  developed  in  play,  to  the  work  that 
has  to  be  accomplished. 

One  form  of  the  expression  of  the  play  instinct 
has  come  lately  to  arouse  a  great  deal  of  public  in- 
terest, and  that  is  the  dance.  Books  have  been 
written  about  the  history  of  the  dance,  the  aesthetics 
of  the  dance,  the  technique  of  the  dance,  the  sym- 
bolism of  the  dance,  and  many  other  aspects.  What 
concerns  the  parent  chiefly  is  to  know  that  the  dance 
is  at  once  a  healthful  exercise,  an  important  aid  to 
social  adjustment,  and  a  valuable  safety-valve  for 
the  emotions. 

138 


WORK  AND  PLAY 

With  the  rapid  growth  of  our  cities  we  have 
come  suddenly  to  realize  that  nearly  half  of  the 
nation's  children  have  no  place  in  which  to  play, 
since  the  open  fields  and  vacant  lots  have  been  in- 
vaded by  warehouses  and  factories  and  tenements. 
And  so  the  playground  movement  has  gained  rapid 
headway.  Playgrounds  have  been  established,  and 
placed  in  charge  of  competent  and  enthusiastic 
leaders,  who  are  teaching  the  children  something 
they  never  should  have  unlearned.  But  at  the  same 
time  we  are  coming  to  realize  that  the  children 
in  the  country  and  in  small  towns,  although  they 
have  plenty  of  space,  have  not  really  had  the  oppor- 
tunity to  get  the  most  out  of  their  play  activities. 
It  would  seem  that  even  the  instinct  of  play  can 
be  made  to  work  to  better  purpose  when  it  is  intel- 
ligently directed.  It  is  our  duty,  then,  to  provide 
not  only  play  space  and  play  time,  but  also  play 
material  and,  where  possible,  play  direction.  It  is 
our  further  duty  to  keep  alive  in  ourselves,  as  far 
as  possible,  the  spirit  of  play;  for  there  is  no  one 
thing  that  will  do  so  much  to  keep  us  young  and 
in  sympathy  with  our  children  as  the  ability  to  play 
as  they  play,  and  to  play  with  them. 

Excepting  only  the  infant  when  playing  with  his 
fingers  and  toes,  the  child  must  play  with  some 
person  or  with  some  thing.  The  selection  of  suit- 

139 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

able  toys  becomes  a  more  serious  problem  than  is 
commonly  realized,  when  we  once  recognize  the 
great  influence  of  play  upon  the  child. 

Stepping  into  the  toy  shop,  we  are  confronted 
by  a  multitude  of  objects,  the  variety  and  quantity 
of  which  are  distracting.  Everything  that  the  in- 
genuity of  man  could  devise  is  here  presented  to 
our  astonished  eyes,  and  children  gaze  upon  the 
great  spectacle  and  are  delighted.  If  we  go  to  the 
store  just  to  be  amused  or  to  buy  something,  a  very 
indefinite  something  for  a  child  of  a  certain  age,  we 
are  quickly  satisfied.  But  if  we  have  in  our  mind 
some  idea  as  to  what  is  really  good  for  the  child 
who  is  to  receive  the  gift,  it  is  just  as  hard  to  find 
the  right  thing  to-day  in  the  immense,  up-to-date 
toy  store  as  in  the  little  general  store  that  "  also 
keeps  toys."  The  manufacture  of  toys  has  grown 
to  a  tremendous  industry,  but  with  no  ideal  behind 
it,  no  guiding  educational  principle.  Toys  are  made 
to  sell, — having  fulfilled  that  function  the  manufac- 
turer is  not  further  concerned.  Consequently,  toys 
are  made  to  attract  the  eye ;  durability,  use,  and  need 
from  the  child's  point  of  view  are  rarely  considered. 

In  selecting  toys  we  must  not  consider  what 
would  amuse  or  entertain  us,  but  solely  the  child's 
need,  and  this  need  will  differ  at  the  various  stages 
in  his  development. 

140 


WORK  AND  PLAY 

For  the  little  child  who  has  no  skill,  we  want  to 
get  toys  that  exercise  the  large  muscles;  he  should 
have  blocks  that  are  large.  It  is  a  common  mistake 
to  suppose  small  toys  are  suitable  for  small  chil- 
dren; within  certain  limits  just  the  opposite  is  true. 

Young  children  can  also  use  toys  that  merely 
need  to  be  manipulated  without  having  much  sig- 
nificance. Things  that  can  be  taken  apart  and  put 
together  are  enjoyed  and  are  very  instructive. 

A  child  should  get  from  his  toys  a  bare  sugges- 
tion of  the  object,  and  not  a  lifelike  representation 
that  will  be  of  interest  to  the  critical  adult.  Re- 
finement of  finish  and  realistic  representation  are 
entirely  wasted  on  the  child.  A  massive  wooden 
dog  or  bird  is  better  than  a  furry  or  feathery  one. 
It  is  enough  of  a  dog  or  bird,  so  far  as  the  child  is 
concerned,  and  if  it  can  stand  rough  handling,  so 
much  the  better.  For  the  little  boy  or  girl  an  ani- 
mal that  can  stand  up  or  be  drawn  about  by  a  string 
is  quite  satisfactory;  but  before  the  age  of  three 
years  is  reached  the  animal  must  have  movable 
parts,  so  that  it  may  be  put  into  various  positions, 
be  made  "  to  do  things." 

At  about  three  years  of  age  the  child  also  comes 
more  and  more  to  see  things  in  relation  to  each 
other  and  no  longer  as  isolated  objects.  At  this 
time,  if  he  has  a  cow,  he  wants  also  a  stable  in 

141 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

which  to  keep  her,  the  doll  calls  for  a  carriage  and 
bed,  and  so  on.  This  is  something  to  keep  in  mind 
in  planning  our  purchases. 

Children  like  to  reproduce  in  their  plays  the 
processes  which  they  see  going  on  around  them  or 
about  which  they  hear.  This  is  in  a  way  their 
preparation  for  the  activities  of  adult  life.  If  the 
little  boy  or  girl  wants  to  play  farm,  or  menagerie, 
or  laundry,  or  grocery  store,  it  is  not  necessary  to 
buy  the  whole  outfit  at  once.  The  child  will  prob- 
ably not  be  ready  for  it,  and  if  he  gets  more  than 
he  can  comfortably  use,  he  will  be  overwhelmed 
and  many  objects  are  likely  to  be  neglected. 

Let  us  say,  for  instance,  that  your  little  boy  has 
received  a  milk-cart  and  horse  for  his  birthday  and 
he  has  exhausted  the  possibilities  of  play  with  them. 
Now  here  is  Christmas,  and  you  can  give  him  or 
make  him  a  nice,  substantial  barn  and  someone  else 
can  give  him  a  cow.  Immediately  the  possibilities 
for  play  are  greatly  multiplied.  He  can  take  the 
cow  to  pasture,  bring  her  into  the  barn  to  be  milked, 
take  the  milk  to  market  and  store  away  hay  for 
the  winter,  and  so  on  indefinitely.  In  time  he  can 
have  a  well-equipped  barnyard,  build  pig-sties  and 
chicken-coops  with  his  blocks,  and  spend  many 
happy  and  instructive  hours.  A  great  advantage  in 
having  toys  grouped  about  some  central  idea  is  that 

142 


WORK  AND  PLAY 

several  children  can  play  at  the  same  time  and  each 
particular  toy  stays  in  use  much  longer  than  it 
would  otherwise. 

I  have  spoken  of  your  little  boy  as  the  manager 
of  the  toy  farm,  but  in  these  days,  when  women  are 
entering  every  profession,  there  is  no  reason  to 
suppose  that  it  is  not  your  little  girl  who  will  need 
those  things.  Still,  although  we  know  that,  in  spite 
of  traditions,  little  boys  like  to  play  with  dolls  and 
little  girls  like  to  play  with  other  things,  we  shall, 
for  the  sake  of  convenience,  stick  to  the  traditions 
and  discuss  the  little  girl  in  connection  with  dolls. 

There  is  nothing  that  will  give  your  little 
daughter  greater  pleasure  and  at  the  same  time  be 
more  instructive  than  an  opportunity  to  run  a 
whole  doll  house.  By  this  I  do  not  mean  the 
elaborate  constructions  that  are  sold  in  the  large 
shops  under  that  name.  No,  a  packing  case,  painted 
and  divided  into  four  parts,  will  serve  the  purpose 
far  better.  Gradually  the  different  rooms  can  be 
furnished,  and  in  the  meantime  there  is  plenty  of 
fun  and  much  development  in  trying  to  maintain 
the  family  of  dolls  under  pioneer  conditions,  calling 
for  all  sorts  of  clever  makeshifts. 

There  are  numberless  things  that  will  go  to 
make  up  the  little  girl's  doll  house,  and  her  activi- 
ties can  be  extended  over  the  entire  period  during 

143 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

which  she  cares  to  play  with  dolls.  At  first  she  will 
be  satisfied  with  handling  her  baby  and  putting  her 
to  sleep.  Later  she  will  want  to  dress  and  undress 
it.  Before  long  she  will  have  a  whole  family  of 
dolls  and  will  want  to  prepare  their  meals  for  them, 
sew  and  wash  their  clothes,  and  keep  the  house  in 
order.  These  growing  needs  on  her  part  are  just 
as  real  as  the  needs  adults  feel,  and  it  would  be  just 
as  unwise  to  get  her  a  new  doll,  when  she  needs 
most  of  all  a  wash-boiler  for  her  kitchen,  as  it 
would  be  to  buy  for  yourself  a  picture,  when  you 
really  need  a  pair  of  new  spectacles. 

All  the  different  articles  needed  for  the  running 
of  the  doll's  house  can  now  be  bought  separately. 
In  buying  the  different  articles,  the  things  to  keep 
in  mind  are  usability,  simplicity,  and  durability. 
The  furniture  that  you  buy  or  make  must  be  able 
to  serve  the  ostensible  purpose  of  doll's  furniture. 
It  is  better  to  get  one  chair  that  is  of  the  right  size 
for  the  doll,  well  proportioned  and  strong  enough 
to  stand  the  handling  of  the  owner,  than  a  whole 
set  of  "  pretty  "  and  flimsy  and  useless  furniture 
that  you  can  buy  in  a  gay  box  for  the  same  price. 

Of  course,  it  is  understood  that  the  principles 
of  usability,  simplicity,  and  durability  apply  to  the 
dolls  themselves.  It  is  now  easy  to  obtain  dolls 
with  indestructible  heads  and  with  jointed  bodies 

144 


WORK  AND  PLAY 

made  of  durable  material.  The  little  baby  will  love 
the  doll  with  a  felt  head.  It  can  stand  being  loved 
hard  without  losing  some  of  its  features.  To  give 
a  little  girl  a  doll  that  is  so  finely  dressed  and  so 
daintily  constructed  that  she  is  permitted  to  come 
out  of  her  box  only  on  state  occasions  is  a  viola- 
tion of  every  sound  principle  of  child  training  and 
fair  dealing. 

I  have  mentioned,  as  examples  of  the  kind  of 
toys  that  can  be  bought  singly  and  grouped  about 
some  central  idea,  the  farm  and  the  doll's  house, 
but,  of  course,  there  are  many  other  things — rail- 
roads with  their  equipment,  dairies,  stores  of  all 
kinds,  etc. 

Besides  the  toys  that  are  related  to  various  lines 
of  activity,  each  child,  as  soon  as  he  is  old  enough, 
wants  the  opportunity  to  work  with  materials  and 
tools.  The  youngest  children  can  have  beads  to 
string,  mosaic  blocks  with  which  patterns  can  be 
made,  etc.  For  the  older  children  you  can  get 
materials  for  sewing,  painting,  parquetry  work,  and 
the  like.  There  are  boxes  containing  wooden  and 
iron  construction  strips  out  of  which  bridges, 
houses,  airships,  and  all  sorts  of  exciting  things  can 
be  made. 

For  the  growing  boy  nothing  is  more  appro- 
priate than  some  carpentry  tools  of  his  own.  Here 
10  145 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

again  we  must  remember  that  it  is  better  to  buy  a 
few  good  tools  and  gradually  build  up  an  equip- 
ment than  to  buy  a  set  that  looks  well  enough  in  the 
store,  but  goes  to  pieces  under  real  usage. 

A  printing-press  or  well-constructed  toy  type- 
writer, a  camera  or  scroll  saw,  will  afford  hours  of 
helpful  amusement  and  instruction. 

Musical  instruments  are  always  acceptable.  The 
metalophone  is  one  of  the  simplest  from  which  you 
can  get  real  music.  The  cheapest  is  just  as  usable 
as  the  more  expensive,  although,  of  course,  it  does 
not  have  so  wide  a  range  of  notes. 

It  is  impossible  to  enumerate  all  the  indoor 
group  games  that  are  offered,  but  in  selecting  a 
game  you  must  make  sure  that  it  really  has  some 
sense  in  it,  and  that  it  does  not  stimulate  the  gam- 
bling spirit,  as  do  so  many  of  the  games  with  dice 
or  a  spinning  wheel  as  a  part  of  the  equipment. 

All  toys  that  encourage  healthy  outdoor  sports 
are  worth  while.  A  great  deal  of  the  progress  in 
toy-making  has  been  along  mechanical  lines,  until 
we  are  confronted  with  the  most  intricate  mechan- 
ical contrivances.  They  are  interesting  at  an  ex- 
hibition, and  most  likely  the  child  will  be  attracted 
by  them  and  will  want  them,  but  only  to  look  at 
and  own.  He  will  tire  of  them  much  more  quickly 
than  he  would  of  the  simple,  usable  toy.  In  this 

146 


WORK  AND  PLAY 

respect  the  children  of  the  rich  are  to  be  pitied. 
They  are  overloaded  with  these  expensive,  mechan- 
ical toys  which  overstimulate  them  at  first  and  later 
bore  them.  The  educative  value  of  simple  games 
with  sticks  and  stones,  or  anything  the  child  may 
happen  to  pick  up,  is  far  greater  and  calls  for  more 
exercise  of  imagination  and  ingenuity  and  the 
other  qualities  we  desire  to  foster  than  is  that  of 
the  elaborate  mechanical  toys. 

It  would  be  very  desirable  if  all  the  skill  and 
enterprise  that  is  devoted  to  the  development  of 
the  toy  industry  were  applied  to  making  toys  sim- 
pler, more  durable,  and  cheaper,  instead  of  making 
them  more  elaborate,  more  realistic,  and  more 
flimsy.  However,  the  desirable  kinds  of  toys  will 
not  be  manufactured  in  larger  quantities  until  an 
enlightened  parenthood  both  demands  them  and 
refuses  to  buy  the  glittering  heart-breakers  that 
look  so  charming  in  the  shop,  but  go  to  pieces  in 
the  child's  hands. 

It  is  far  better  to  have  fewer  and  better  toys 
than  more  of  an  inferior  quality.  The  thing  to 
keep  in  mind  is  that  a  toy  is  neither  an  artistic 
model,  an  aesthetic  ornament,  nor  a  mechanical 
spectacle,  but  should  be  a  stimulus  to  call  forth  self- 
activity,  invention,  ingenuity,  imagination,  and  skill. 

i47 


X. 

CHILDREN'S  GANGS,  CLUBS,  AND 
FRIENDSHIPS 

"WHAT  a  plague  boys  are!1'  sighed  Mrs. 
Brown.  "  That  White  boy  has  been  getting  our 
Harry  into  all  sorts  of  mischief,  and  I  can't  make 
Harry  give  up  that  gang." 

Mrs.  Green  agreed  that  boys  were  a  plague. 
Her  Jack  went  with  a  lot  of  boys,  too,  and  they 
were  always  up  to  some  sort  of  tricks  which  she 
was  quite  sure  her  boy  would  never  do  if  it  were 
not  for  those  other  boys.  And  Mrs.  Green  was 
right.  Any  boy  will  do  things  when  he  is  with 
the  gang  that  he  never  would  think  of  doing  alone 
— and  that  he  wouldn't  dare  to  do  alone,  if  he  did 
think  of  them.  Even  your  boy — and  mine,  too,  I 
hope.  That's  the  way  of  boys. 

What  we  mothers  will  have  to  do  is  to  stop 
fretting  about  the  other  boys  in  the  gang  who  spoil 
our  boys,  and  about  the  mischief  and  noise  and 
dirty  boots  and  staying  away  late  for  meals,  and 
get  down  to  a  practical  way  of  making  all  the  boys 
in  the  gang  as  we  find  them  into  a  lot  of  decent 
young  men.  We  shall  have  to  stop  trying  to  make 

148 


CHILDREN'S  GANGS,  CLUBS,  FRIENDSHIPS 

boys  do  what  it  is  impossible  for  them  to  do;  and 
we  shall  have  to  stop  trying  to  keep  the  boys  from 
doing  what  it  is  absolutely  necessary  that  they 
should  do,  if  they  are  to  develop  into  the  decent 
young  men  we  have  in  mind. 

The  modern  way,  the  efficient  way,  of  treating 
children  is  to  find  out  their  instincts  and  then  use 
these  almost  irresistible  forces  of  nature  as  a  means 
of  directing  their  development.  And  that  is  what 
we  shall  have  to  do  with  the  boy  and  his  gang,  and 
that  is  what  we  shall  have  to  do  with  the  girl  and 
her  set.  The  boy  is  a  more  serious  problem  be- 
cause, under  the  promptings  of  his  instincts,  he 
soon  becomes  indifferent  to  the  attractions  and 
amusements  of  the  home  and  seeks  the  companion- 
ship of  boys  of  his  own  age,  and  he  seeks  activities 
that  cannot,  for  the  most  part,  be  carried  on  in  the 
home.  The  girl,  on  the  other  hand,  remains  much 
longer  subject  to  the  will  of  her  mother  and  to  the 
conventions  and  standards  of  the  home ;  she  remains 
for  a  longer  period  satisfied  with  the  kinds  of  ac- 
tivities that  can  be  carried  on  at  home. 

We  have  been  told  over  and  over  again  that 
the  instincts  of  childhood  are  all  for  activity,  and 
a  few  of  us  have  trained  ourselves  not  to  expect 
the  children  to  be  still  all  the  time.  Of  course, 
there  are  times  when  we  simply  must  have  them  be 

149 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

still,  and,  of  course,  we  allow  the  teachers  to  insist 
upon  the  children  being  still  in  school.  But  we 
recognize  that  they  must  play  and  romp  and  run 
and  shout,  and  we  are  willing  even  to  spend  public 
funds  for  playgrounds.  This  shows  that  we  can 
learn,  and  that  we  can  make  use  of  our  knowledge. 
It  is  necessary  only  that  we  extend  our  knowledge 
of  the  instincts  of  our  children  just  as  fast  as  we 
can  make  use  of  more. 

Up  to  the  age  of  about  ten,  boys  are  apparently 
satisfied  to  play  games  by  themselves,  or  to  play 
with  others  in  ways  that  let  each  look  out  pretty 
much  for  himself.  At  this  age,  however,  a  change 
begins  to  appear.  Now  the  boy  tends  to  associate 
himself  with  others  of  the  same  age,  and  before 
you  know  it  your  son  "  belongs  "  to  some  "  gang." 
Every  street  in  a  town  and  every  corner  in  a  city 
has  its  gang.  And  if  your  boy  has  red  blood  and 
hard  grit  in  him,  he  is  a  member  of  one  of  these 
gangs.  He  can't  help  it.  He  does  not  join  because 
it  is  the  fashion,  or  because  he  is  afraid  to  keep 
out,  or  because  he  has  social  ambitions.  He  joins 
because  it  is  his  instinct  to  join  with  others  in  car- 
rying on  the  activities  to  which  other  instincts 
drive  him.  If  you  stand  in  the  way  of  the  gang, 
you  are  fighting  against  one  of  the  strongest  forces 
in  human  nature. 

150 


CHILDREN'S  CLUBS,  GANGS,  FRIENDSHIPS 

Now  if  you  feel  the  way  Mrs.  Brown  and  Mrs. 
Green  felt  about  the  gangs,  I  do  not  blame  you. 
But  you  must  not  stop  there.  Let's  try  to  find  out 
first  what  the  gang  means  to  the  boys  and  what  it 
means  to  the  race.  When  a  boy  joins  a  gang,  he 
does  not  discard  his  instinct  for  play  or  for  running 
and  shouting.  He  simply  takes  on  a  new  relation 
to  the  world  about  him.  As  a  member  of  the  gang, 
he  still  runs  and  plays  and  shouts ;  but  now  he  has 
become  conscious  of  his  place  in  the  world,  and  that 
place  is  with  his  fellow-members,  surrounded  by 
all  sorts  of  enemies  and  dangers  and  obstacles  to 
his  well-being.  In  his  gang  he  finds  comfort  and 
support  for  his  struggle  with  the  outside  world. 
Here  he  finds  opportunity  for  satisfying  exchange  \ 
of  thought;  here  he  finds  sympathy  and  understand- 
ing such  as  he  can  get  nowhere  else. 

The  gang,  without  a  written  code  in  most  cases, 
without  formal  rules,  without  very  definite  aims, 
even,  nevertheless  has  a  moral  scheme  of  its  own 
that  every  boy  understands  and  lives  up  to  as  earn- 
estly and  as  devotedly  as  ever  man  followed  the 
dictates  of  conscience.  The  gang  demands  of  the 
boy  unfailing  loyalty,  and — what  is  more — it  usu- 
ally gets  it.  Of  how  many  other  institutions  or 
organizations  can  as  much  be  said?  The  gang 
demands  fair  play  and  fidelity  among  its  mem- 

151 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

bers,  and  it  usually  gets  these.  The  gang  demands 
devotion  and  self-sacrifice  of  its  members,  and  the 
boy  who  cannot  show  these  qualities  becomes  more 
effectually  ostracized  than  any  defaulting  bank 
official  or  corrupt  politician.  These  fine  virtues, 
then — loyalty,  honor,  devotion — are  cultivated  by 
the  gang  just  at  the  time  when  the  instincts  for  them 
are  strongest,  and  at  a  time  when  no  other  agency 
is  prepared  to  do  the  work. 

For  you  will  realize,  when  you  once  think  of  it, 
how  much  we  coddle  the  baby  when  he  is  cute,  how 
we  shower  him  with  toys  far  in  excess  of  what  he 
can  use  or  enjoy,  how  we  fuss  and  fondle  him,  and 
how  much  thought  we  give  to  every  possible  and 
impossible  want;  and  how,  on  the  other  hand, 
we  neglect  the  boy  when  he  enters  upon  that  most 
unattractive,  but  very  critical,  age  in  which  he  finds 
other  boys  more  interesting  than  his  sister  and 
her  dolls,  when  he  cares  more  for  other  boys  than 
he  does  for  his  mother  and  her  parlor,  when  he 
thinks  more  of  the  "  fellers  "  than  he  does  of  his 
teacher  and  her  lessons.  Just  at  this  time,  when 
the  boy  is  beginning  to  wonder  vaguely  and  to  long 
just  as  indefinitely,  we  abandon  him  to  his  own 
resources  and  to  Mrs.  White's  Bob,  the  leader  of 
the  gang. 

The  problem  that  confronts  us  is :  How  can  we 
152 


CHILDREN'S  GANGS,  CLUBS,  FRIENDSHIPS 

save  and  strengthen  the  fine  qualities  which  this 
spontaneous  association  with  other  boys  produces 
without  encouraging  the  lawlessness  and  the  de- 
structiveness  and  the  secretiveness  of  the  gang? 
First  of  all,  we  mothers  must  recognize  not  only 
that  the  boy  cannot  be  happy  without  his  associates, 
but  also  that  the  social  virtues  will  never  be  de- 
veloped in  him  at  all  if  we  keep  him  at  home  away 
from  the  others  or  restricted  to  one  or  two  play- 
mates— which  we  may  like  to  select  for  him.  Then, 
when  this  is  perfectly  clear  to  us,  we  will  take  the 
next  step,  which  will  be  to  use  all  the  resources  of 
the  homes  and  of  the  community  to  change  the 
antisocial  gang  into  a  club.  The  difference  between 
a  gang  and  a  club  is  not  a  matter  of  clean  clothes 
and  "  nice  "  manners.  It  is  a  difference  in  mental 
attitude.  The  gang  has  rules  and  it  has  power. 
The  club  has  put  its  rules  into  form  and  it  knows 
what  it  can  do  and  what  it  wants  to  do.  In  other 
words,  the  gang  is  a  casual,  random  group  that 
drifts  about  in  the  village  or  in  the  city,  subject  to 
every  passing  influence,  whereas  the  club  is  a  de- 
liberate, purposeful  organization  with  definite  aims 
and  developments.  Both  meet  the  needs  of  the  grow- 
ing boy  for  association;  both  give  the  social  in- 
stincts and  virtues  suitable  opportunity  for  exercise. 
This  problem  of  giving  the  boys  a  chance  to  get 
i53 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

together  and  do  what  their  instincts  drive  them  to 
do  is  not  one  merely  for  the  mothers  who  can  pro- 
vide for  their  boys  little  or  no  supervision,  and 
whose  boys  play  in  the  streets  and  vacant  lots.  The 
problem  is  just  as  great  in  the  case  of  the  well-to-do, 
who  provide  constant  supervision,  for  their  chil- 
dren. Indeed,  it  is  a  serious  question  whether  the 
condition  of  the  children  of  wealthier  families  is 
not  in  this  respect  more  dangerous  than  that  of 
the  less  wealthy.  With  the  boys  of  the  street  the 
problem  is  how  to  divert  the  activities  into  suitable 
channels;  with  the  closely-guarded  boys  of  the 
wealthy  the  problem  is  how  to  develop  the  spirit 
of  loyalty  and  self-sacrifice  and  honor,  which  have 
been  suppressed  by  the  restricted  and  artificial 
associations  of  the  solicitous  home.  Both  kinds  of 
boys  must  be  left  free  to  form  their  own  associa- 
tions, but  the  groups  must  be  so  directed  in  their 
club  activities  (without,  however,  suspecting  that 
they  are  being  directed)  as  to  connect  their  interests 
with  lawful  amusements,  civic  needs,  and  social 
relations.  The  great  danger  is  that  when  adults 
take  a  hand  in  these  matters  they  fix  their  attention 
upon  the  civic  and  moral  virtues  and  overlook  the 
instincts  of  activity  and  sociability  which  call  the 
gang  into  being,  and  the  club  degenerates  into  a 
preachy  Sunday-school  class. 

i54 


CHILDREN'S  GANGS,  CLUBS,  FRIENDSHIPS 

In  organizing  clubs,  or  rather  in  presenting 
opportunities  for  the  organization  of  clubs,  we 
must  recognize  that  bodily  activity,  taking  the  form 
of  athletics,  or  of  workshop  effort,  or  of  camping, 
hunting,  etc.,  is  a  fundamental  condition  of  healthy 
growth  for  the  boys  and  girls.  As  every  group 
must  have  its  meeting  place,  this  should  be  first 
provided,  and  it  should  be  of  a  nature  that  allows 
gymnastics  and  hammering  and  boxing  to  go  on 
without  any  restrictions  beyond  those  required  by 
the  nature  of  the  little  animals.  That  is,  there  is 
need  for  sleep  and  rest  and  meals — and  perhaps 
certain  definite  hours  for  school  and  church — but 
beyond  such  disagreeable  though  necessary  inter- 
ruptions the  meeting  place  of  the  club  should  be  a 
busy  place  at  all  decent  hours.  We  are  tempted  to 
force  literature  and  debating  upon  our  clubs :  these 
things  usually  come  later,  and  appeal  at  best  to  but 
relatively  few  boys.  Literature  and  debating  are 
good,  but  they  can  never  take  the  place  of  parallel 
bars  and  boxing  gloves  and  hammer  and  saw. 

We  are  also  tempted  to  pick  out  the  boys  for 
the  clubs  that  we  are  interested  in.  This  is  a  seri- 
ous mistake.  It  is  this  sort  of  thing  that  causes 
the  failure  of  so  many  well-meaning  attempts  to 
redeem  the  children  of  the  "  slums "  or  of  the 
street  We  must  let  the  groups  form  spontaneously ; 

i55 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

the  boys'  instincts  are  keener  in  detecting  the  sneak 
and  the  coward  and  the  traitor  than  yours  are,  and 
if  the  club  has  the  right  start,  the  undesirable  cit- 
izen will  either  adopt  the  morals  of  the  club  or  be 
squeezed  out.  And  the  right  start  is  chiefly  a  good 
meeting  place.  It  is  here  that  the  church  and  the 
school  and  the  home  can  cooperate.  In  the  larger 
cities  the  settlement  has  pointed  the  way  by  carry- 
ing on  practically  all  of  the  work  with  children 
through  the  medium  of  clubs. 

It  is  not  necessary  for  every  parent  to  furnish 
a  suitable  meeting  place;  indeed,  each  club  needs 
only  one  meeting  place.  But  every  home  can  con- 
tribute something.  If  you  have  not  the  suitable 
garret  or  barn  or  shed,  you  can  supply  the  baseball 
outfit,  or  the  Indian  clubs,  or  the  work-bench,  or 
some  of  the  tools.  You  can  lend  your  homes  for 
those  not  very  frequent  occasions  wnen  the  boys 
are  quite  satisfied  to  have  a  quiet  evening  of  table 
games  or  theatricals,  or  imitation  camp-fire  with 
chestnuts  to  roast  and  songs  to  sing.  You  can  make 
up  lunch-baskets  for  fishing  or  tramping  trips,  or 
you  can  sew  tapes  on  the  old  pants  for  "  uniforms." 

It  does  not  matter  so  much  what  you  do,  so  long 
as  you  do  as  much  as  you  can,  and,  above  all,  if 
you  show  an  "  interest."  The  bond  of  sympathy 
and  intimacy  that  comes  from  such  an  understand- 

156 


CHILDREN'S  GANGS,  CLUBS,  FRIENDSHIPS 

ing  and  from  the  hearty  cooperation  of  the  home 
with  these  natural  instincts  of  the  children  is  an 
immense  gain  to  the  individual  parent,  as  well  as 
to  the  individual  child.  Instead  of  friction  and 
opposition  of  forces,  there  results  a  cooperation  of 
forces  that  all  make  for  good. 

As  for  the  community,  the  village  or  town  that 
can  provide  meeting  places  for  all  of  its  groups  of 
young  people,  under  the  direction  of  those  who 
understand  them  and  sympathize  with  them,  with 
suitable  equipment  for  physical  activities  of  all 
kinds,  can  make  no  better  investment  of  the  money 
that  such  a  venture  would  cost.  For  it  is  in  such 
association  that  the  boys  and  girls  learn  to  be  mem- 
bers of  a  group,  and  eventually  of  the  larger  group 
that  includes  us  all.  The  good  citizen  is  the  one 
who  has  developed  the  instincts  of  loyalty  and  de- 
votion and  self-sacrifice  and  honor,  and  has  di- 
rected them  toward  the  community.  The  bad 
citizen  is  the  one  in  whom  these  virtues  were  never 
developed,  or  one  in  whom  these  traits  remain  in 
the  gang  stage. 

In  the  attempts  that  have  been  made  to  direct 
the  instincts  of  children  we  have  given  the  boys 
much  more  attention  than  the  girls,  for  the  simple 
reason  that  the  boys  have  given  us  more  trouble. 
Still,  the  girls  should  not  be  neglected.  They  are 

157 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

entitled  to  all  the  advantages  that  can  be  derived 
from  organized  opportunity  to  associate  with  one 
another  and  to  develop  the  social  virtues.  They 
should  also  have  the  opportunity  for  physical  ex- 
ercise and  development  which  the  boy  gets  because 
he  makes  violent  demand  for  it,  but  which  the  girl 
needs  just  as  much. 

It  has  been  found  unwise  to  have  mixed  clubs 
of  boys  and  girls  in  the  early  years,  and  even  later, 
when  girls  and  boys  could  profitably  associate  to- 
gether, they  like  to  have  their  separate  groups  for 
special  activities.  For  the  strictly  sociable  times, 
however,  boys  and  girls  may  be  brought  together  at 
any  age. 

Apart  from  the  other  advantages  to  be  gained 
from  the  club,  the  girl  or  boy  will  be  saved  from 
his  friends.  There  is  a  real  danger  that  children 
who  do  not  get  into  larger  groups  will  take  up  with 
a  single  chum  or  intimate.  While  it  is  true  that 
many  lasting  and  valued  friendships  start  in  these 
early  years,  the  danger  is  nevertheless  a  serious 
one.  Chums  or  intimates,  in  their  tendency  to  get 
away  from  other  people,  may  do  nothing  worse 
than  carry  on  silly  conversations ;  but  they  may  also 
read  pernicious  literature  and  develop  bad  habits. 
Activities  in  a  group  are  more  open  and  less  likely 
to  be  of  a  secret  nature. 

158 


CHILDREN'S  GANGS,  CLUBS,  FRIENDSHIPS 

Intimacies  at  this  early  age  will  spring  up  for  all 
kinds  of  superficial  reasons.  In  a  study  made  some 
years  ago  these  were  some  of  the  reasons  given  for 
the  formation  of  friendships :  "  We  were  cousins/' 
"  He  taught  me  to  swim/'  "  We  had  the  same  birth- 
day," "  She  had  a  red  apron,"  "  Her  brown  eyes 
and  hair/'  "  Neither  of  us  had  a  sister."  A  large 
proportion  of  the  children  who  were  questioned 
gave  as  the  only  reason  for  their  intimate  friend- 
ship the  fact  that  they  "  live  near  each  other." 
However  absurd  these  reasons  may  appear  to  us, 
we  are  compelled  by  what  we  know  of  the  child's 
mind  to  respect  these  attachments.  But  if  there  is 
any  danger  in  the  intimacy — and  there  often  is — 
the  only  remedy  is  encouragement  of  association  in 
a  large  group.  "  There  is  safety  in  numbers." 

So,  whether  we  are  more  concerned  with  the 
mischief  done  by  the  gang,  or  with  the  danger  of 
intimate  chums,  whether  we  care  more  for  the  de- 
velopment of  good  citizenship  in  boys  and  girls, 
or  merely  to  make  the  children  happy  while  they 
are  growing  up,  it  is  necessary  for  parents  to  use 
all  the  means  at  their  disposal  to  organize  and  en- 
courage the  social  activities  of  the  young  people  to 
the  fullest  extent. 


XL 

CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

WHEN  you  take  pains  to  instruct  your  children 
in  the  way  they  should  go,  it  is  because  you  have 
in  mind  certain  standards  of  what  a  child  should 
do,  or  of  what  kind  of  an  adult  you  wish  your 
child  to  become.  In  other  words,  you  look  to  your 
ideals  to  guide  you  in  the  training  of  the  child.  We 
all  appreciate  more  or  less  vaguely  the  importance 
of  ideals  in  shaping  character,  and  for  this  reason 
we  value  ideals,  although  it  is  considered  smart  for 
adults  to  sneer  at  ideals  and  idealism — which  are 
supposed  somehow  to  be  opposed  to  the  "  prac- 
tical "  affairs  of  life.  But  in  a  way  there  is  nothing 
more  truly  practical  than  a  worthy  ideal. 

Where  there  is  no  vision  the  people  perish ;  and 
that  is  just  as  true  of  the  individual  as  it  is  of  a 
nation.  Moreover,  it  is  the  youth  who  shall  see  the 
visions  and  draw  from  them  the  inspiration  for 
higher  and  better  things.  Fortunately,  every  nor- 
mal child  develops  ideals.  It  is  for  more  experi- 
enced people  to  provide  the  opportunities  for  the 
formation  of  desirable  ideals,  to  guide  the  ideals 
after  they  are  formed  into  practicable  channels,  to 

160 


CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

use  the  ideals  to  reinforce  the  will  in  carrying  out 
our  practical  purposes  in  the  training  of  the  child. 

You  no  doubt  find  it  easy  enough  to  recognize 
and  to  encourage  ideals  that  are  in  harmony  with 
your  own,  or  that  seem  to  you  worthy  and  likely 
to  have  a  favorable  influence  upon  your  child's 
career  or  character.  When  five-year-old  Freddy  says 
that  he  wants  to  become  a  lawyer  or  a  doctor,  you 
encourage  him.  You  say,  "  That's  fine,  my  boy," 
and  in  your  mind's  eye  you  see  him  climbing  to 
fame  and  fortune.  But  when  Freddy  says  that  he 
wants  to  be  a  policeman  and  marry  the  candy-lady, 
you  laugh  at  him,  and  you  certainly  do  not  encour- 
age him.  But  in  Freddy's  mind  doctor  and  lawyer 
mean  no  more  than  policeman;  they  involve  no 
more  important  social  service,  they  mean  no  more 
dignity  in  personal  position,  they  suggest  nothing 
more  of  anything  that  is  worth  while.  For  what- 
ever it  is  that  Freddy  wants  to  be  at  any  moment  is 
to  him  the  sum  of  all  that  is  to  him  worth  while — 
and  that  is  just  what  an  ideal  ought  to  be. 

This  is  not  a  plea  to  cruel  parents  in  behalf  of 
smoothing  Freddy's  path  toward  the  coveted  post — 
or  the  course  of  his  courtship  of  the  candy-lady's 
daughter.  It  is  simply  an  effort  to  point  out  how 
important  it  is  to  avoid  shattering  early  in  life  that 
precious  mirror  in  which  alone  visions  are  to  be 
ii  161 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

seen.  When  you  have  ridiculed  the  policeman  out 
of  further  consideration,  you  are  likely  with  the 
same  act  to  have  weakened  Freddy's  faith  in  ideals 
— and  to  this  extent  you  have  loosened  one  of  the 
safest  props  of  his  character.  We  need  not  be 
afraid  of  the  crude  and  short-sighted  ideals  of  the 
young  child.  With  the  growth  of  his  experience 
his  ideals  will  expand.  We  should  fear  rather  to 
infect  him  with  the  vulgar  disrespect  for  all  ideals. 

In  a  few  years  Freddy  has  his  heart  set  on 
charting  the  blank  spaces  on  his  geography  map, 
and  he  has  never  a  thought  for  the  girls.  It  is  the 
same  Freddy,  but  he  has  in  the  meanwhile  roamed 
far  from  the  home  neighborhood — in  imagina- 
tion— and  has  discovered  new  heroes  and  new 
types  of  heroism.  The  policeman  and  the  candy- 
lady  are  still  at  their  old  posts,  but  Freddy  ignores 
them  because  his  ideals  have  grown  with  his  ex- 
perience and  his  information,  as  well  as  with  his 
bodily  growth  and  development. 

Study  of  thousands  of  children  in  all  parts  of 
this  country,  in  England  and  in  Germany,  has 
shown  that  the  young  people  begin  to  form  ideal 
images  of  what  they  consider  desirable,  or  beauti- 
ful, or  right  rather  early  in  life.  They  form  ideals 
of  virtue  as  well  as  ideals  of  happiness,  and  these 
ideals  reflect  their  experiences  and  their  surround- 

162 


CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

ings  to  a  remarkable  degree.  Thus,  there  are  dif- 
ferences between  the  ideals  formed  by  country 
children  and  those  formed  by  city  children,  be- 
tween the  ideals  of  poor  children  and  those  of 
wealthy  ones,  between  the  ideals  of  English  children 
and  those  of  American  or  German  children.  But, 
aside  from  all  these  differences,  it  is  found  that  the 
ideals  vary  with  the  sex  of  the  child,  and  also  with 
the  age,  so  that  each  child  passes  through  a  series 
of  stages  marked  by  characteristic  types  of  ideals. 
As  early  as  the  age  of  nine  years  children  have 
expressed  themselves  as  looking  forward  to  "  doing 
good "  in  the  world,  or  to  making  themselves 
"  good."  The  age  at  which  this  impulse  to  service 
or  to  personal  perfection  may  take  form  must  de- 
pend upon  many  things  besides  the  peculiar  char- 
acteristics of  the  individual  child.  Jessie's  ideals 
concerning  "  being  good  "  will  be  shaped  by  what 
she  hears  and  sees  about  her.  If  you  speak  fre- 
quently about  the  foreign  missions,  she  may  think 
of  being  good  as  something  that  has  to  do  with  the 
heathen.  If  the  family  conversation  takes  into  con- 
sideration the  sick  and  the  needy,  Jessie's  ideal  may 
be  dressed  like  a  Red  Cross  nurse.  If  you  never 
speak  of  the  larger  problems  of  community  wel- 
fare, or  of  social  needs,  or  of  moral  advance  in  the 
home,  where  Robert  has  a  chance  to  hear  you,  he 

163 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

can  get  suggestions  toward  such  ideals  only  after 
he  has  read  enough  to  become  acquainted  with 
these  problems  and  the  corresponding  lines  of 
service  for  himself. 

Answers  received  from  hundreds  of  girls  and 
boys  would  seem  to  show  that  virtue  and  goodness 
are  desirable  to  children  at  a  certain  stage  of  their 
development  chiefly,  if  not  solely,  because  they 
bring  material  or  social  benefits.  Virtue  is  re- 
warded not  by  any  internal  or  spiritual  satisfac- 
tion, but  by  freer  access  to  the  candy  supply  or  to 
the  skating  pond.  The  right  is  that  which  is 
allowable,  or  that  which  may  be  practiced  with  im- 
punity. The  wrong  is  that  which  is  forbidden  or 
punishable.  Of  course,  this  attitude  toward  moral 
values  should  not  continue  through  life.  We  should 
do  what  we  can  to  establish  higher  ideals  of  right 
and  wrong.  How  soon  this  change  will  come  must 
depend  very  largely  on  where  the  emphasis  is  laid 
by  those  around  the  child.  If,  when  you  give 
Robert  a  piece  of  candy,  you  always  impress  him 
with  the  idea  that  this  is  his  compensation  for 
having  been  "  good,"  he  will  retain  this  association 
between  virtue  and  material  reward  long  past  the 
age  when  he  can  already  appreciate  the  satisfaction 
that  comes  from  exercising  his  instinct  to  be  help- 
ful, or  from  doing  what  he  thinks  is  right.  If,  how- 

164 


CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

ever,  the  idea  in  the  home  is  that  all  goes  well  and 
all  feel  cheerful  and  happy  because  every  one  is 
trying  to  do  the  right  thing,  the  various  indulgences 
and  liberties  will  mean  to  the  child  merely  the 
material  manifestations  of  the  good  feeling  that 
prevails,  and  not  rewards  of  virtue.  So  far  as 
possible,  rewards  and  punishments  should  be  di- 
rectSd  toward  the  deed  and  not  the  child.  The  aim 
should  be  to  make  the  child  derive  his  highest  sat- 
isfaction from  carrying  out  his  own  ideals  of  con- 
duct, rather  than  from  the  reward  for  that  conduct. 
The  approbation  of  those  he  honors  and  loves 
should  gradually  replace  the  material  reward. 

To  the  child  the  ideal  of  success  may  mean  two 
entirely  different  things.  At  one  stage  it  may  mean 
the  satisfaction  of  accomplishing  a  set  task,  whether 
selected  by  himself  or  imposed  by  some  one  else. 
Later,  it  comes  to  mean  excelling  some  other  child 
in  a  contest.  Even  a  child  of  four  or  five  years 
gets  a  great  deal  of  satisfaction  from  contemplating 
a  house  he  has  built  out  of  his  blocks,  or  the  row  of 
mud  pies.  This  satisfaction  gradually  comes  to  be 
something  quite  distinct  from  the  pleasure  of  doing, 
and  is  an  important  element  in  the  ideal  of  work- 
manship. As  the  child  grows  older  the  ideal  of 
successful  accomplishment  grows  stronger,  and,  if 

165 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

it  is  retained  throughout  life,  it  contributes  a  large 
share  toward  the  individual's  happiness. 

Most  of  the  school  activities  of  our  children  lay 
too  much  emphasis  upon  the  ideal  of  successful 
rivalry,  and  too  little  upon  the  ideal  of  high  achieve- 
ment. The  ideal  set  before  the  children  is  not  fre- 
quently enough  that  of  doing  the  best  that  is  in 
them,  and  too  frequently  that  of  doing  merely  better 
than  the  neighbor — which  may  be  poor  enough. 
Some  of  the  work  done  with  children  in  clubs,  out- 
side of  schools,  has  brought  out  the  instinct  for  an 
ideal  of  achievement  in  a  very  good  way.  Richard 
came  home  quite  breathless  when  he  was  able  to 
report  that  he  could  start  a  fire  on  a  windy  day, 
using  but  a  single  match!  In  some  of  the  more 
modern  organizations,  for  girls  as  well  as  for  boys, 
graded  tasks  are  assigned  as  tests  of  individual 
proficiency  or  prowess.  Every  girl  and  every  boy 
must  pass  these  standards,  without  regard  to  what 
the  others  do.  The  result  of  encouraging  this  ideal 
is  likely  to  be  an  increased  sense  of  responsibility, 
as  well  as  an  increased  self-respect;  whereas  the 
ideal  of  "  beating  "  others  may  in  many  cases  keep 
the  girl  or  boy  at  a  rather  low  level  of  achieve- 
ment, compared  to  the  child's  own  capacity. 

This  competitive  ideal  is  illustrated  by  the  girl 
who  is  ambitious  to  stand  at  the  head  of  her  class, 

1 66 


CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

and  receives  encouragement  enough.  But  we  give 
very  little  thought  to  the  child  whose  ideals  are  for 
service  to  others  or  to  the  community.  It  is  very 
often  the  same  child  that  at  one  time  glories  in  suc- 
cessful emulation  under  the  encouragement  of  our 
approval,  and  that  later  fails  to  develop  the  germs 
of  altruistic  ideals  because  we  fail  to  recognize,  or 
at  least  to  encourage,  them.  We  cannot  expect 
from  the  schools  an  early  change  of  emphasis  from 
the  competitive  type  of  ambition  to  the  ideal  of  co- 
operation or  service,  although  the  teachers  who 
have  tried  to  encourage  the  latter  have  found  the 
school  work  to  proceed  more  satisfactorily  than  it 
does  under  the  spirit  of  emulation.  But  in  the  home 
it  should  be  much  easier  to  encourage  these  higher 
types  of  ideals,  for  we  do  not  have  to  set  one  child 
against  the  other,  and  there  is  greater  opportunity 
for  individual  service  on  account  of  the  greater 
differences  in  the  ages  and  attainments  of  the 
children. 

It  is  interesting  and  significant  that,  of  the  thou- 
sands of  children  who  have  given  expression  to 
their  ideals  and  ambitions,  a  very  small  number — 
less  than  one  in  every  hundred — have  appeared  to 
be  quite  content  with  themselves  and  with  their 
surroundings.  The  normal  child  craves  for  some- 
thing better,  and  roams  as  far  afield  as  his  knowl- 

167 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

edge  and  opportunities  let  him  in  his  search  for  the 
best.  It  is  during  the  years  from  the  tenth  to  the 
fifteenth  or  sixteenth  that  this  search  is  keenest, 
and  during  this  period  we  should  present  to  the 
children  every  opportunity  for  becoming  acquainted 
with  what  has  been  considered  best  in  the  history 
of  the  race.  The  reading  that  the  boy  or  girl  does 
at  this  time  is  perhaps  the  most  important  source 
of  ideals. 

The  selection  of  suitable  books  for  the  young 
is  in  itself  an  important  problem,  and  one  that 
many  of  us  are  apt  to  neglect.  It  is  impossible  to 
judge  of  the  desirability  or  suitableness  of  a  book 
from  its  appearance,  or  from  its  price,  or  from  the 
standing  of  its  publishers,  or  even  from  the  repute 
of  the  author.  Many  attractive-looking  books  are 
not  only  worthless,  but  positively  objectionable.  If 
it  is  not  possible  for  you  to  examine  carefully  each 
book  that  you  consider  buying,  you  should  make 
use  of  an  annotated  list,  or  seek  competent  counsel 
in  some  other  form.  Through  libraries  and  various 
associations  it  is  now  possible  to  obtain  carefully 
prepared  lists  that  will  be  helpful  in  selecting  books 
for  children  of  all  ages. 

An  interesting  point  that  has  been  brought  out 
by  studies  is  the  fact  that  degrading  ideals  are  prac- 
tically wanting  in  children.  You  were  no  doubt 

168 


CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

shocked  to  discover  that  Eddy  was  planning  to 
become  a  burglar,  or  a  pirate  chief,  or  a  tramp,  or 
an  ordinary  highwayman.  But  a  careful  analysis 
of  the  motives  and  experiences  of  the  boy  will  show 
that  the  particular  feature  that  Eddy  admires  in 
his  hero  is  far  removed  from  the  ones  that  shock 
you.  The  boy  is  dreaming  of  travel  and  adventure, 
of  the  excitement  of  chasing  or  of  being  chased, 
of  trying  his  ingenuity  in  conflict  with  the  pro- 
fessionally ingenious  minions  of  the  law,  of  being 
brave  in  the  face  of  danger,  of  testing  his  forti- 
tude in  the  time  of  trouble,  of  the  loyalty  of  his 
comrades  to  himself  as  leader,  or  of  his  loyalty  to 
his  chief  when  the  latter  is  beset  by  his  enemies. 
But  courage  and  loyalty  and  fortitude  and  in- 
genuity are  no  more  degrading  ideals  than  are 
material  possessions  and  intellectual  accomplish- 
ments. Only  it  happens  that  many  boys  find  these 
particular  ideals  embodied  in  heroes  and  person- 
alities that  we  feel  we  must  disapprove  for  various 
reasons.  Robin  Hood  appeals  to  the  children  not 
because  he  violated  the  laws  of  the  land  or  because 
he  deprived  people  of  their  property,  but  because 
he  was  brave,  and  clever,  and  just,  and  kind  to  the 
poor. 

In  comparing  the  ideals  of  children  raised  in  the 
city  with  those  of  children  raised  in  the  country, 

169 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

interesting  differences  appear.  The  city  children 
are  in  general  less  inclined  to  be  altruistic  than 
country  children  at  the  same  age.  On  the  other 
hand,  city  children  draw  upon  a  wider  range  of 
characters  from  history  and  from  fiction  for  their 
ideals.  In  the  matter  of  future  occupations,  city 
children  were  often  satisfied  to  mention  some  pref- 
erence from  the  various  occupations  of  which  they 
had  heard,  without  elaborating  the  details,  whereas 
the  country  children,  although  they  did  not  select 
from  so  wide  a  range,  frequently  described  special 
features  of  some  occupation  as  the  interesting  ele- 
ments leading  to  a  choice. 

From  the  various  studies  that  have  been  made 
we  may  see  that  the  kind  of  ideals  that  a  child  is 
likely  to  have  depends  a  great  deal  upon  the  people 
with  whom  he  becomes  familiar,  upon  the  ideas 
with  which  he  becomes  familiar,  and  upon  the 
activities  with  which  he  becomes  familiar.  The 
child  should  have  an  opportunity  to  discover  the 
best  that  is  available  in  his  immediate  environment. 
His  earliest  heroes  should  be  his  parents;  then  the 
acquaintances  near  home  should  furnish  the  quali- 
ties that  will  arouse  his  interest  and  admiration. 
It  is  a  mistake  to  thrust  upon  the  child  ideals  ready 
made  and  imported  for  the  purpose.  A  hero  thrust 
upon  the  young  imagination  may  do  service  for  a 

170 


CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

while,  but  is  likely  to  be  discarded  later  when 
that  particular  hero's  virtues  really  need  to  be  kept 
before  the  child  much  more  than  they  did  in  the 
earlier  period.  George  Washington  and  his  hatchet 
have  furnished  us  a  legend  that  is  a  good  illustra- 
tion of  this.  The  hero  is  dressed  up  to  be  attrac- 
tive to  children  of  nursery  age,  and  endowed  with 
nursery  virtues.  When  the  children  grow  up  and 
so  outgrow  their  nursery  ideals,  they  discard  in- 
terest in  and  admiration  for  George  Washington: 
this  is  a  serious  loss  to  our  national  idealism. 

The  results  of  the  studies  also  indicate  how 
significant  is  suitable  literature  in  the  formation  of 
ideals.  A  comparison  of  returns  from  girls  with 
those  from  boys  throws  an  important  side  light  on 
this  problem.  In  nearly  every  group  of  answers 
received  it  was  evident  that  most  girls,  when  they 
get  to  a  certain  age,  adopt  ideals  that  are  decidedly 
masculine.  The  explanation  of  this  seems  to  lie 
in  the  fact  that  the  characters  of  history  and  of 
literature  with  whom  they  become  most  familiar 
are  those  showing  distinctly  masculine  qualities. 
There  are  real  differences  between  the  mind  of  a 
girl  and  the  mind  of  a  boy,  and  these  should  be 
taken  into  consideration  in  their  training.  There 
is  great  need  for  the  clearer  recognition  and  sharper 
definition  of  distinctly  feminine  ideals.  It  is  not 

171 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

enough  to  transfer  some  imitation  masculine  ideals 
to  the  minds  of  our  girls. 

We  should  make  a  special  effort  to  discover  our 
children's  ideals,  for  several  reasons.  First  of  all, 
by  knowing  what  the  girl  or  boy  has  nearest  the 
heart  we  shall  be  able  to  enter  into  closer  sympathy 
with  the  child,  we  shall  be  able  to  understand  much 
of  the  conduct  that  would  otherwise  baffle  as  well 
as  annoy  us.  In  the  second  place,  by  watching 
the  rise  of  ideals  we  shall  be  better  able  to  direct 
the  child's  playing  and  his  reading  and  those  other 
activities  that  are  needed  to  supply  the  experiences 
and  ideas  that  seem  to  be  lacking,  or  to  discourage 
tendencies  that  seem  to  us  undesirable.  In  the 
third  place,  if  we  know  our  children's  ideals  we 
can  make  use  of  these  as  motive  forces  in  helping 
us  to  carry  out  our  larger  plans.  It  is  when  the  boy 
is  in  the  military  stage  of  his  ambitions  that  we 
should  try  to  make  the  virtues  of  the  soldier  habit- 
ual parts  of  his  character.  It  is  when  the  girl  is 
ambitious  to  make  a  fine  garden  that  we  should  try 
to  make  her  fix  the  habits  of  orderliness,  regularity, 
and  attention  to  details.  Of  course,  not  every  girl 
will  want  to  have  a  garden,  and  many  a  boy  never 
cares  to  be  a  soldier;  but  at  every  stage  there  are 
ideals  that  can  be  called  upon  to  fix  the  heart  upon 
certain  virtues  until  the  latter  become  habits. 

172 


CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

It  is  very  easy  to  ridicule  the  ideals  and  ambi- 
tions of  children  when  they  seem  to  us  too  high- 
flown  or  futile.  But  a  person's  ideals  stand  too 
close  to  the  centre  of  his  character  to  be  treated  so 
rudely.  It  is  better  to  ignore  the  many  trifling 
flights  of  fancy  that  are  not  likely  to  have  any  per- 
manent effect,  and  to  throw  the  child  into  circum- 
stances that  will  force  the  emergence  of  more 
deep-seated  or  far-reaching  ambitions. 

There  is  another  danger  in  the  ease  with  which 
a  child's  faith  in  ideals  is  destroyed,  when  these 
happen  to  interfere  with  our  own  immediate  com- 
fort and  desires.  When  a  boy  has  gotten  into 
some  mischief  with  his  friends,  and  is  the  only  one 
caught,  we  are  tempted  to  bring  pressure  to  bear 
upon  him  to  make  him  tell  who  the  other  culprits 
were.  Joe  is  ready  to  take  his  own  punishment, 
and  that  of  his  fellow  malefactors,  too,  rather  than 
"  snitch."  But  for  some  reason  we  feel  that  "  jus- 
tice "  demands  the  conviction  of  every  individual 
involved.  The  conflict  is  not  between  our  sense  of 
justice  and  the  boy's  stubbornness  or  wilf ulness ;  it 
is  rather  a  struggle  between  our  demand  for  retri- 
bution and  the  boy's  ideal  of  loyalty.  If,  through 
threats  and  cajolery  or  more  indirect  methods,  we 
at  last  succeed  in  finding  out  that  it  was  Mrs. 
Brown's  Bob  who  was  responsible  for  the  whole 

173 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

affair,  we  have  at  last  broken  down  Joe's  inclina- 
tion to  act  according  to  certain  ideal  standards. 
Joe  has  fallen  in  his  own  estimation  beyond  calcu- 
lation. It  is  better  to  let  Bob  go  "  unpunished  " 
than  to  make  Joe  go  back  on  his  principles. 

One  important  outcome  of  a  study  of  our  chil- 
dren's ideals  and  ambitions  should  be  the  direction 
of  their  vocational  choices.  We  have  read  of  Ben- 
jamin Franklin's  father,  who  took  his  boys  about 
to  various  shops  with  a  view  to  helping  them  make 
up  their  minds  as  to  what  kind  of  trade  they  should 
follow.  Nowadays  we  should  consider  this  method 
rather  crude;  but  for  a  variety  of  reasons  most  of 
us  do  not  do  even  this  much  for  our  children.  A 
study  of  children's  plans  and  hopes  for  their  future 
work  brings  out  the  fact  that  the  desire  to  "  earn 
money  "  as  a  motive  in  the  choice  increases  up  to 
the  age  of  twelve  years,  and  then  declines  rapidly. 
This  may  be  taken  to  mean  that,  apart  from  the 
enlarged  range  of  interests  that  comes  with  in- 
creased experience,  there  is  also  an  efflorescence  of 
the  fancy  that  leads  to  increased  concern  with  ideal 
ends.  This  is  confirmed  by  a  comparison  of  the 
choice  made  by  children  of  well-to-do  families  with 
those  made  by  children  of  rather  poor  people.  The 
children  of  the  poor,  in  tragically  large  numbers, 
appear  to  accept  the  fact  of  working  as  a  necessity 


CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

of  life;  they  accept  this  doggedly  as  a  matter  of 
course.  The  children  of  more  prosperous  families, 
on  the  other  hand,  though  frequently  expressing 
preferences  for  the  same  kinds  of  occupations,  have 
their  hearts  set  on  the  joy  of  achievement,  or  on 
the  ideal  of  service,  or  on  the  fun  of  doing,  in  much 
larger  proportions. 

From  answers  written  by  English  children  in 
a  factory  district  these  examples  are  typical: 

A  boy  of  eight :  "I  should  like  to  be  a  Carpen- 
ter. Because  my  mother  says  I  can  be  one." 

A  girl  of  twelve :  "  I  should  like  to  go  out  when 
I  am  older  to  earn  my  own  living." 

Another  girl  of  twelve :  "  I  think  it  would  be 
nice  to  go  out  to  a  situation." 

In  contrast  with  these  are  the  answers  given  by 
children  of  the  same  ages  who  came  from  homes 
of  culture,  if  not  always  of  wealth: 

A  boy  of  eight:   "  I  would  like  to  be  like  Major 

-  because  I  like  carpentering  very  much  and  he 
carpenters  beautifully.  Once  he  bought  a  box  for 
his  silver  and  there  was  one  tray  to  it  and  he  wanted 
to  make  little  fittings  for  the  silver  so  first  he 
painted  some  names  on  some  paper  of  all  the  dif- 
ferent things  he  had;  then  he  cut  them  out  and 
supposing  he  wanted  to  put  knives  and  forks 
quickly  he  would  have  a  little  name  written  down 

175 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

where  they  ought  to  go  and  he  made  the  fittings 
most  beautifully  quite  as  well  as  any  shop  would." 

A  girl  of  thirteen :  "  One  thing  I  should  like  to 
do  would  be  to  be  a  very  clever  naturalist,  and  to 
know  everything  about  everything  alive  or  in  the 
country  world." 

A  girl  of  ten :  "  I  should  like  to  be  a  piano 
teacher,  when  I  grow  up,  for  then  I  shall  be  able 
to  learn  to  play  many  pieces  of  poetry/' 

A  part  of  this  difference  is  no  doubt  due  to  the 
fact  that  in  many  families  there  are  traditional 
ideals  of  the  obligations  of  privilege,  which  the 
children  readily  imitate;  or  to  the  fact  that  these 
children  do  not  have  to  think  about  the  necessity  of 
earning  a  livelihood,  and  so  give  their  attention  to 
the  enjoyments  that  can  be  derived  from  various 
kinds  of  activity. 

The  subject  of  vocational  guidance,  which  has 
come  into  great  prominence  during  the  past  few 
years,  includes  so  many  ideas  that  are  confusing 
and  misleading  that  large  numbers  of  people  have 
become  alarmed  and  are  fighting  the  movement.  In 
the  first  place,  the  title  itself  is  misleading.  Most 
people  do  not  enter  upon  "  callings  "  in  the  true 
sense  of  that  word;  they  get  into  some  kind  of 
occupation  or  business,  but  could  just  as  readily 
have  adjusted  themselves  to  any  one  of  a  thousand 

176 


CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

other  occupations.  Then  the  matter  of  guidance 
is  misleading.  It  is  impossible  for  anyone  to-day 
to  undertake  to  guide  young  people  into  their  occu- 
pations. All  that  can  be  hoped  for  is  that  children 
may  be  given  an  opportunity  to  find  out  about  the 
different  types  of  work  that  need  to  be  done,  and 
about  the  different  human  qualities  that  are  of  value 
in  the  various  occupations. 

The  question  that  concerns  the  parent  is :  What 
special  inclinations  has  the  child  that  can  be  utilized 
in  a  future  occupation  ?  It  is  not  so  much  a  question 
of  making  full  use  of  your  child's  talents  as  it  is 
of  giving  him  an  opportunity  to  do  the  kind  of 
work  in  which  he  will  be  most  happy.  Society 
at  large  is  interested  in  conserving  all  the  different 
kinds  of  ability,  but  the  individual  child  is  con- 
cerned with  realizing  his  own  ideals,  with  living, 
so  far  as  possible,  his  own  life.  At  the  same  time, 
the  evidence  which  we  have  on  the  subject — not 
very  much,  to  be  sure — shows  that  there  is  really 
a  close  connection  between  what  a  child  likes  to  do 
and  what  he  can  do  well.  It  is,  of  course,  true 
that  one  can  learn  to  do  well  what  at  first  comes 
hard,  and  then  learn  to  like  it.  But  we  must  not 
forget  that  strong  inclinations  must  be  carefully 
considered  when  future  work  is  being  decided  upon. 

Our  children  are  so  imitative  that  a  child  with 
12  177 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

marked  talents  will  occasionally  not  reveal  these 
in  surroundings  that  lay  emphasis  on  qualities  un- 
related to  these  talents.  So  many  a  boy  with  high- 
grade  musical  ability  will  fail  to  show  this  where 
music  is  looked  down  upon  as  something  unworthy 
of  a  man.  In  the  same  way  children  will  develop 
ideals  in  imitation  of  what  goes  on  around  them. 
Every  child  is  likely  at  some  time  in  his  career  to 
look  forward  to  money-making  as  the  most  desir- 
able end  in  life;  but  most  normal  children  will 
pass  beyond  this  ideal  before  adolescence.  If,  how- 
ever, the  atmosphere  in  which  the  child  lives  is  one 
of  money-getting,  the  child  without  strong  tenden- 
cies toward  other  ideals  is  likely  to  allow  this  ideal 
to  persist  into  adolescence  and  young  manhood  or 
womanhood.  In  such  cases  the  ideal  becomes  fixed 
without  indicating  that  the  individual  is  "  by 
nature  "  of  an  avaricious  temperament  or  material- 
istically inclined. 

The  same  principle  of  imitativeness  would,  of 
course,  apply  to  other  ideals.  This  explains  to  us 
why  the  recurrence  of  certain  ideals  or  modes  of 
life  in  successive  generations  of  a  family  leads  to 
the  supposition  that  there  are  "hereditary"  ele- 
ments at  work.  It  is  also  a  good  reason  why  we 
should  guard  against  the  contaminating  influence 
of  unworthy  ideals.  It  is  impossible  for  us  to 

178 


CHILDREN'S  IDEALS  AND  AMBITIONS 

carry  about  imitation  virtues  and  fool  our  children 
into  imitating  them. 

Children  begin  to  form  their  ideals  early  in 
life,  and  their  first  standards  are  derived  from  the 
people  and  the  things  about  them  that  contribute 
to  their  pleasures — sweets  and  parents  and  the 
heroes  of  the  fairy  tales. 

As  the  child's  experience  broadens  he  borrows 
ideals  from  new  acquaintances  and  the  characters 
he  meets  in  his  reading. 

The  child  absorbs  from  his  surroundings,  from 
his  acquaintances,  and  from  his  reading,  as  well 
as  from  the  instruction  that  he  receives  in  school 
or  in  church,  materials  for  building  a  world  of 
what  ought  to  be.  And  in  this  world  he  himself 
plays  a  very  important  role.  We  must  therefore 
make  sure  that  the  materials  for  ideals  which  are 
within  our  control  shall  be  of  the  best. 

Loose  conversation,  cynicism,  open  disrespect 
for  the  noble  things  in  human  character,  lack  of 
faith  in  human  nature  cannot  be  exhibited  to  the 
child  day  after  day  without  having  their  sinister 
effect.  It  is  true  that  some  children,  here  and 
there,  will  resist  these  unfavorable  influences,  and 
will  come  out  of  the  struggle  strong  and  self- 
reliant,  with  faith  in  their  own  ideals  and  with 
faith  in  mankind.  But  we  cannot  afford  to  treat 

179 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

the  developing  character  of  the  child  on  the  theory 
that  it  needs  exercise  and  temptation  as  a  gymnast 
needs  exercise  and  trying  tasks.  The  temptation 
that  becomes  a  habitual  stimulus  to  wrong  doing 
or  wrong  thinking  has  no  moral  value.  The  child 
is  only  too  ready  to  follow  the  path  of  least  resist- 
ance, and  the  temptations  will  come  aplenty  after 
the  ideals  begin  to  form. 

High  ideals  in  the  home,  and  not  merely  good 
words;  loyalty  to  ideals  and  a  spirit  of  confidence 
in  the  children,  are  needed  to  give  the  children  that 
confidence  in  themselves  which  they  need  to  make 
them  loyal  to  their  own  ideals  when  these  are  out 
of  harmony  with  vulgar  fashion. 


XII. 
THE   STORK   OR   THE   TRUTH 

"  MOTHER,  where  do  babies  come  from?  " 

Some  day  you  will  be  asked  this  question  by 
your  little  girl  or  your  little  boy — if  you  have  not 
already  been  asked.  What  will  your  answer  be? 

Even  if  you  have  been  accustomed  to  giving 
frank  answers  to  your  children's  questions  about 
all  sorts  of  subjects,  you  are  likely  to  hesitate  when 
it  comes  to  this.  You  will  be  tempted  to  say  what 
you  were  probably  told  yourself,  under  similar  cir- 
cumstances. You  will  perhaps  say  that  the  doctor 
brings  babies  in  his  satchel,  or  that  the  stork  brings 
babies  in  his  bill.  Or  perhaps  you  will  feel  impelled 
to  tell  Harry  to  go  out  and  play,  and  ask  you  again 
a  few  years  later  when  he  will  be  old  enough  to 
understand. 

The  telling  of  a  myth  like  the  stork  story  is 
harmless  enough  for  the  time  being.  We  have 
entertained  Santa  Claus  for  ages  without  under- 
mining the  morals  of  our  children.  And  we  shall 
continue  to  retell  the  fairy  stories,  for,  although 
they  are  not,  strictly  speaking,  "  true  "  stories,  they 
have  their  place  in  the  life  of  the  child.  Why  can 

181 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

we  not  go  on,  then,  as  we  have  done  in  the  past, 
leaning  upon  the  stork? 

The  difference  between  the  story  of  where 
babies  come  from  and  the  story  of  Santa  Claus  or 
Mother  Hubbard  is  a  very  important  one.  Santa 
Claus  and  Mother  Hubbard  represent  ideas  and  in- 
terests that  are  but  passing  phases  in  the  child's 
development,  whereas  knowledge  about  reproduc- 
tion is  something  that  grows  in  interest  with  the 
years  and  reaches  its  deepest  significance  just  at 
the  time  when  you  can  hardly,  if  at  all,  regain  your 
hold  upon  your  child,  once  you  have  lost  it.  It  does 
not  matter  much  who  disillusions  your  child  about 
Santa  Claus.  The  disappointment  is  brief,  and 
soon  the  child  can  look  upon  the  legend  as  a  joke. 
But  it  does  matter  very  much  who  tells  your  child 
that  the  stork  story  is  all  a  lie,  and  how  he  is  told. 

It  is  well  for  mothers  to  realize  that  the  embar- 
rassment which  they  may  feel  when  this  question  is 
first  asked  is  quite  foreign  to  the  child,  for  the 
child  at  this  time  has  no  knowledge  whatever  of 
sex.  To  him  it  is  simply  a  question  for  satisfying 
his  momentary  curiosity.  Later  on,  when  the 
child  has  become  aware  of  the  idea  of  sex,  he  is 
not  likely  to  ask  his  mother  embarrassing  questions, 
or,  if  he  should  ask  them,  the  situation  would  be 
equally  embarrassing  to  both — unless  you  have  in 

182 


THE  STORK  OR  THE  TRUTH 

the  meanwhile  kept  in  close  sympathy  with  your 
children,  and  they  feel  that  they  can  come  to  you 
with  any  question  and  be  answered  frankly.  And 
the  way  to  keep  them  in  close  sympathy  is  by  meet- 
ing frankly  every  question  as  it  arises.  It  is  not 
necessary  to  answer  every  question  by  telling  every- 
thing you  know;  it  is  necessary  merely  to  tell 
enough  to  satisfy  the  child's  immediate  need.  Not 
only,  then,  does  your  frank  answer  tend  to  keep 
the  child  in  touch  with  the  mother,  but  you  protect 
him  in  this  manner  against  going  for  his  informa- 
tion to  sources  that  are  frequently  contaminating. 
The  in  formation  that  boy  sand  girls  give  one  another 
about  sex  matters  is  often  something  appalling, 
not  only  in  its  distance  from  the  truth,  but  in  the 
amount  of  filth  with  which  it  is  encrusted.  It  is  the 
desire  to  keep  his  mind  clean,  then,  that  should 
prompt  the  mother  to  tell  her  child  what  he  wants 
to  know  when  he  wants  to  know  it.  A  third  con- 
sideration is  found  in  the  fact  that  many  children, 
when  they  do  not  receive  satisfactory  answers  to 
their  queries,  will  reflect  and  brood  about  the  sub- 
ject to  a  degree  that  becomes  morbid.  This  is 
especially  likely  to  happen  where  the  subject  of  the 
child's  inquiry  is  treated  as  though  it  were  an  im- 
proper or  a  wicked  one  to  speak  about,  so  that  the 
child  dares  not  ask  others  for  enlightenment. 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

That  the  early  answering  of  the  child's  ques- 
tions may  offset  both  morbid  curiosity  and  the 
danger  of  resorting  to  filthy  sources  of  information 
is  illustrated  by  the  story  of  a  seven-year-old  boy 
who  was  invited  by  an  older  boy  to  come  to  the 
wood-shed  for  the  purpose  of  being  told  an  impor- 
tant secret.  "If  you  promise  not  to  tell  any  one," 
the  older  boy  began,  "  I  will  tell  you  where  babies 
come  from."  "  Why,  I  know  where  babies  come 
from,"  replied  the  second,  not  greatly  interested. 
"  Oh,  yes  you  do !  I  suppose  you  think  that  a 
stork  brings  them?  Well,  you're  'way  off  there. 
The  stork  ain't  got  nothing  to  do  with  it,"  the  in- 
structor continued  breathlessly,  for  fear  of  being 
deprived  of  his  opportunity  to  impart  his  precious 
secret.  At  last  the  secret  was  out ;  but  the  younger 
replied,  coolly,  "  That's  nothing.  My  mother  told 
me  that  when  I  was  four  years  old."  Since  the 
matter  had  ceased  to  be  a  secret,  and  since  the  story 
even  lacked  novelty,  all  opportunity  for  the  elabora- 
tion of  details  was  destroyed. 

But  what  can  you  tell  to  a  child  of  four  or  five? 
For  that  is  the  age  at  which  the  question  is  likely 
first  to  present  itself.  Remember  that  the  child  is 
not  asking  a  sex  question,  but  one  about  the  direct 
source  of  himself,  or  about  some  particular  baby 
that  he  has  seen.  You  can  say  that  the  baby  grew 

184 


THE  STORK  OR  THE  TRUTH 

from  a  tiny  egg,  which  is  in  a  little  chamber  that 
grows  as  the  baby  grows,  until  the  baby  is  big 
enough  to  come  out.  This  will  satisfy  most  chil- 
dren for  a  considerable  time,  but  some  children  will 
immediately  ask,  "Where  is  that  little  room?" 
To  which  you  may  reply,  "  The  growing  baby  must 
be  kept  in  the  most  protected  place  possible,  so  it  is 
kept  under  the  mother's  heart."  Or,  you  may  say 
that  the  baby  grew  from  a  seed  implanted  in  the 
mother's  body,  that  it  was  nourished  by  her  blood 
until  it  grew  large  enough,  when  it  came  out  at  the 
cost  of  much  suffering.  Of  course,  you  will  tell 
the  story  as  personally  as  you  can,  about  your 
particular  child,  and  in  as  simple  a  way  as  you  can. 
If  you  tell  the  little  girl  or  boy  this  much  you 
have  told  him  all  that  he  probably  cares  to  know  at 
this  time ;  you  have  told  the  truth  so  that  you  have 
nothing  to  fear  about  his  being  disillusioned  either 
as  to  the  story  or  as  to  your  own  trustworthiness; 
and  you  have  avoided  arousing  the  suspicion  that 
certain  subjects  are  unworthy  of  understanding. 
And  then  you  will  find  that  this  new  conception  of 
his  relation  to  you,  as  truly  a  part  of  your  being, 
will  deepen  and  strengthen  his  natural  feeling  of 
affection  and  sympathy.  It  is  also  well  with  the 
first  telling  to  impress  the  child — in  so  many  words, 
if  necessary — with  the  idea  that  he  must  always 

185 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

come  to  you  for  anything  he  wants  to  know,  and 
that  you  are  always  glad  to  tell  him. 

How  simply  children  accept  these  truths  is  illus- 
trated by  a  German  poem,  a  translation  of  which 
follows.  The  authorship  of  this  is  unknown. 

Twas  getting  dark,  towards  close  of  day — I  came  to  watch 

the  children  play: 
But  just  within  the  open  door,  the  two  were  sitting  on  the 

floor. 

I  heard  my  John  to  little  Kate  the  story  of  the  stork  relate 

"Oh,    no,"    said    John,    with    thoughtful    face;    "no    stork 

brought  us  into  this  place. 

He  did  not  bother  in  any  way — so  mother  told  me  yesterday. 
He  never  brought  us  in  his  beak,  nor  were  we   found  in 

pond  or  creek. 
It's  all  a  myth — it  isn't  true — I've  thought  as  much,  a  long 

time,  too. 
The  truth  about  how  babies  grow  is  much  the  nicer  thing 

to  know. 

"When  it  is   weak,  just  at   the   start,   it   nestles   close   to 

mother's  heart. 
That's   very   nice!     But   then,   you   see,   she   must   so   very 

careful  be 
That  nothing  hurts  the  tiny  guest  who  near  her  heart  has 

found  a  rest. 
The  child  grows  bigger  day  by  day,  and  soon  it  wants  to 

go  away. 
The  mother  suffers  when  they  part,   because  he  clings  so 

near  her  heart. 
But  after  birth,   the  glad  mamma   rejoices   with   the   fond 

papa!" 

1 86 


THE  STORK  OR  THE  TRUTH 

Katie  listened  to  each  word.  The  while  he  spoke  she  had 
not  stirred. 

She  raised  her  head  in  the  twilight  dim,  and  with  solemn 
face  spoke  thus  to  him: 

"There's  one  thing  you  must  tell  me  brother:  why  must 
children  come  from  mother? 

Why  can't  father  children  bring?  Papa  can  do  'most  any- 
thing." 

"No,"  said  John,  the  little  man,  "that's  a  thing  they  never 

can. 
And  though  they  may  be  willing  to,  they  haven't  time  such 

things  to  do." 
I  heard  the  girl  then  to  him  say,  "And  men  have  not  a 

gentle  way. 
Just  think  how  rushed  they  always  are,  and  how  they  jump 

from  every  car. 
They  sometimes  run  for  'most  a  block,  and  that  would  give 

the  child  a  shock. 
The  babes  are  safe  in  mother's  hands,  and— see,  Oh,  John! 

why  there  she  stands !  " 

They  both  jumped  up.    And  then  we  three  sat  down,  each 

child  embracing  me. 
And  Kate  spoke  up,  with  eyes  alight:    "What  John  said, 

mother,  is  that  right? 

Was  I,  when,  oh,  so  very  small,  resting  next  your  heart  at  all  ?  " 
She   snuggled   close   my  arms   within.     "How   beautiful   it 

must  have  been !  " 

As  the  child  grows  older  his  knowledge  of  life 
must  grow  also.  In  the  country  and  in  small  towns 
the  child  becomes  familiar  with  many  important 
facts  about  life  without  any  special  effort  being 

187 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

required  to  inform  him.  He  learns  that  chickies 
hatch  out  of  eggs  and  that  the  eggs  have  been  laid 
by  the  mother  hen.  He  learns  that  the  field  and 
garden  plants  grow  from  seeds  and  that  the  seeds 
were  borne  by  the  mother  plants.  He  learns  about 
the  coming  of  the  calf  and  the  colt;  and  even  city 
children  can  learn  that  kittens  and  puppies  come 
from  mother  animals.  It  is  a  comparatively  simple 
matter  for  a  child  with  such  knowledge  to  get  the 
further  information  that  the  baby  brother  devel- 
oped from  an  egg  that  mother  kept  near  her  heart 
during  the  hatching  time.  Much  of  this  knowledge 
that  the  country  child  acquires  incidentally  must 
be  brought  to  the  city  child  through  special  efforts 
and  devices,  in  the  school  as  well  as  in  the  home, 
that  he  may  acquire  the  fundamental  facts  of  bear- 
ing and  rearing  young,  in  plants  as  well  as  in  ani- 
mals, and  that  he  may  look  upon  these  facts  not 
as  strange  or  disconcerting  marvels,  but  as  natural 
happenings. 

Miss  Garrett,  one  of  the  most  successful 
teachers  of  sex  and  reproduction,  tells  the  story 
of  some  city  boys  who  had  been  taught  these  things, 
and  who  had  decided,  in  their  club,  to  raise  rabbits. 
The  selection  of  a  father  rabbit  and  a  mother 
rabbit  was  too  important  a  matter  to  leave  to  a 
committee,  so  the  whole  club  went  in  a  body  to 

188 


THE  STORK  OR  THE  TRUTH 

attend  to  these  preliminaries.  The  care  the  boys 
took  of  the  mother  rabbit  during  her  pregnancy  was 
in  itself  an  education.  Later  Miss  Garrett  saw  the 
leader  of  the  club — who  had  been  the  "  toughest " 
of  the  gang — with  another  boy  on  the  street,  while 
a  pregnant  woman  was  trying  to  cross  with  a  heavy 
basket.  "  Come  on,  Jim/'  he  called,  "  let's  help 
her  across/'  This  same  boy  but  a  few  months 
back  would  have  ridiculed  the  poor  woman  in  her 
plight. 

Every  child  can  learn  what  Jim  and  his  com- 
panion learned.  He  can  learn  to  respect  mother- 
hood and  to  be  considerate  of  mothers  as  mothers. 
It  is  very  interesting  to  see  the  great  differences 
in  this  regard  between  families  in  which  the  fact 
of  motherhood  is  a  secret,  and  those  in  which  it  is 
a  matter  of  common  knowledge.  I  was  visiting  a 
friend  whose  six-year-old  boy  knew  that  another 
baby  was  expected,  and  he  was  very  careful  to 
avoid  annoying  his  mother.  Of  course,  the  atti- 
tude of  the  other  members  of  the  family  also  had 
an  influence  upon  the  conduct  of  this  child.  But 
another  mother  complained  that  she  received  very 
little  consideration  during  pregnancy  from  her 
oldest  son — a  boy  of  fourteen — although  all  the 
other  members  of  the  family  were  as  careful  and 
as  thoughtful  as  could  be  desired.  This  second 

189 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

mother,  however,  had  allowed  her  older  boys  to 
grow  up  on  the  assumption  that  sex  and  reproduc- 
tion had  nothing  to  do  with  life,  or,  at  any  rate, 
were  of  no  concern  to  them  and  were  not  suitable 
subjects  to  know  about;  so  that  her  boys  did  not 
know  that  something  unusual  was  in  the  air,  or 
that  something  special  was  expected  of  them. 

The  important  thing  for  the  mother  to  do 
during  these  growing  years  is  to  retain  the  confi- 
dence of  the  children,  and  to  give  them  an  oppor- 
tunity to  become  acquainted  with  the  everyday 
facts  about  plants  and  animals.  The  questions  that 
come  to  the  child's  mind  will  be  questions  of 
motherhood  and  babyhood,  chiefly,  and  not  ques- 
tions of  sex  or  fatherhood.  When  these  questions 
do  at  last  arise,  as  they  are  sure  to  almost  any 
time  after  twelve  years,  and  sometimes  even  before, 
you  have  a  great  advantage  if  your  child  brings 
his  questions  to  you  instead  of  to  his  casual  ac- 
quaintances of  the  school  or  street,  even  if  you 
are  not  prepared  to  answer  all  the  questions  for 
him.  The  girl  will  come  to  her  mother,  and  the 
boy  will  come  to  his  father,  if  they  have  acquired 
the  habit  of  coming  with  frankness  and  confidence. 
Then,  if  for  any  reason  you  are  not  qualified  to 
tell  what  needs  to  be  told,  you  may  just  as  frankly 
say  so  and  refer  the  child  to  the  right  instructor, 

190 


THE  STORK  OR  THE  TRUTH 

who  may  be  a  teacher  or  the  family  physician. 
Older  children  may  even  be  sent  to  suitable  books. 
But  the  most  desirable  condition  is  that  in  which 
the  parents  have  prepared  in  advance  to  answer 
all  the  questions  themselves,  and  even  to  anticipate 
some  questions. 

The  child  should  receive  instruction  along 
these  lines  at  various  stages  in  his  development, 
even  up  to  young  manhood  or  womanhood,  cor- 
responding to  his  physical  development  and  to  his 
mental  development,  which  normally  proceed  in 
close  relation  to  each  other.  The  girl  should  be 
informed  how  to  care  for  her  health.  The  boy 
should  be  instructed  about  the  sex  life  of  the  oppo- 
site sex  to  know  what  they  have  a  right  to  expect, 
or  rather  what  they  have  no  right  to  demand  of 
the  other.  Boys  during  the  adolescent  period, 
which  has  been  called  the  "age  of  chivalry  and 
romance,"  are  keen  to  appreciate  the  rights  of 
others  and  their  own  duties  to  the  weak;  it  is  at 
this  time  that  we  are  to  appeal  to  their  sense  of 
honor  in  establishing  ideals  of  purity,  and  the  sense 
of  responsibility  as  bearers  of  the  life  stream.  The 
standards  of  sex  morals  are  established  during  this 
period,  for  girls  as  well  as  for  boys.  Their  strength 
in  time  of  temptation  will  lie  in  the  ideals  which 
now  become  fixed.  We  want  our  girls  to  grow  up 

191 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

demanding  purity  of  the  young  men  they  will  meet, 
not  pretending  that  they  do  not  know  the  differ- 
ence. And  we  want  our  boys  to  grow  up  with 
faith  in  the  literal  'truth  of  that  fine  line  about  Sir 
Galahad : 

His  strength  is  as  the  strength  of  ten,  because 
his  heart  is  pure. 

The  parents  who  wish  to  prepare  themselves 
with  a  knowledge  of  what  to  tell  their  children  in 
place  of  the  old  stork  fable;  of  when  to  tell,  in- 
stead of  postponing  to  a  dishonest  "  some  other 
time  " ;  and  of  how  to  tell,  instead  of  in  the  em- 
barrassing, half -expressed  vaguenesses,  would  do 
well  to  read  some  of  the  abundant  literature  on  this 
subject  that  has  been  issued  in  recent  years  just 
for  our  help.  Some  of  the  best  titles  are  given 
below. 

SOME  HELPFUL  BOOKS   ON   SEX   EDUCATION. 

Bok,  Edward.-  The  Edward  Bok  Books  of  Self -Knowl- 
edge for  Young  People  and  Parents :  How  Shall  I  Tell  My 
Child?  (Mrs.  Woodallen  Chapman);  When  a  Boy  Becomes 
a  Man  (H.  Bisseker) ;  Instead  of  Wild  Oats  (Winfield 
Scott  Hall). 

Howard,  William  Lee:  Confidential  Chats  with  Girls; 
Confidential  Chats  with  Boys. 

Lowry,  E.  B.:  Talks  with  a  Boy;  Confidences;  Talks 
with  a  Girl. 

Morrow,  Prince  A.:  Social  Diseases  and  Marriage. 
192 


THE  STORK  OR  THE  TRUTH 

Smart,  Isabelle  Thompson:  The  Mysteries  of  Life 
Series:  What  a  Mother  Should  Tell  Her  Little  Girl;  What 
a  Father  Should  Tell  His  Little  Boy ;  What  a  Mother  Should 
Tell  Her  Daughter;  What  a  Father  Should  Tell  His  Son. 

Society  of  Social  and  Moral  Prophylaxis,  Pamphlets: 
The  Boy  Problem;  How  My  Uncle  (the  Doctor)  Instructed 
Me  in  Matters  of  Sex;  The  Young  Man's  Problem;  In- 
struction in  the  Physiology  and  Hygiene  of  Sex. 

Stall,  Sylvanus:  What  a  Young  Boy  Ought  to  Know; 
What  a  Young  Man  Ought  to  Know. 

Wile,  Ira  S. :   Sex  Education. 

Wood- Allen,  Mary:  What  a  Young  Girl  Ought  to 
Know;  What  a  Young  Woman  Ought  to  Know. 

I  hope  that  mothers  will  not  continue  in  the 
future,  as  most  have  done  in  the  past,  to  hesitate 
about  giving  such  information  to  their  children.  If 
you  are  perhaps  tempted  to  feel  that  you  would 
like  to  preserve  the  child's  innocence  as  long  as  pos- 
sible, you  have  but  to  realize  that  innocence  is  not 
the  same  as  ignorance.  We  are  apt  to  forget  how 
young  we  ourselves  were  when  we  had  obtained  in 
one  way  or  another  a  large  mass  of  information 
about  reproduction,  and  even  about  sex.  The  ques- 
tion is  not  whether  a  young  child  should  have  this 
information  or  not;  the  question  is  whether  he 
shall  have  right,  pure  information,  or  false  and 
filthy  information.  For  one  or  the  other  he  is  sure 
to  get.  True  knowledge  is  the  best  mantle  of  inno- 
cence. 

13  193 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

Much  misery  is  caused,  not  only  for  girls,  but 
also  for  boys,  by  the  lapses  from  the  path  of  virtue. 
If  the  young  man  who  has  gone  astray  is  in  a  posi- 
tion to  say,  "  If  I  had  but  heeded!  "  instead  of  say- 
ing, "  If  I  had  but  known!  "  it  will  make  a  great 
difference  in  the  way  he  will  later  feel  toward  the 
one  person  from  whom  he  had  a  right  to  expect 
protecting  knowledge.  It  is  true  enough  that 
knowledge  alone  is  not  a  sure  protection  against 
wrong-doing;  but  you  can  have  no  moral  training 
without  knowledge,  and  knowledge  is  the  least  you 
can  give. 

There  is  no  reason  why  parents  should  think  of 
enlightening  their  children  on  this  subject  as  a  dis- 
agreeable necessity,  instead  of  as  one  of  the  im- 
portant means  through  which  to  be  of  real  help  to 
their  children,  and  at  the  same  time  to  help  them- 
selves to  retain  their  hold  upon  the  children. 


XIII. 
THE  GOLDEN  AGE  OF  TRANSITION 

THERE  comes  a  time  in  the  life  of  every  boy 
and  every  girl  that  brings  a  maximum  of  trials  and 
worry — to  the  other  people.  This  time  is  the  golden 
age  of  transition  from  childhood  to  manhood  or 
womanhood,  the  age  of  adolescence.  If  you  have 
had  annoyance  and  hardship  with  your  infants,  if 
the  children  have  perplexed  you  and  tried  you — 
as  you  thought,  to  the  limit — you  may  be  sure  that 
there  is  more  in  store  for  you.  For  the  age  of 
adolescence  brings  with  it  problems  and  perplexities 
and  annoyances  that  will  make  you  forget  that  it's 
any  trouble  at  all  to  look  after  younger  children. 

After  years  of  painstaking  attention  to  all  the 
details  of  a  child's  home  surroundings,  in  the  hope 
that  this  attention  will  result  in  distinct  gains  to  the 
child's  character,  it  must  be  very  discouraging  to 
notice  some  fine  day  that  Louise  is  becoming  rather 
finicky  about  the  food — which  is  just  as  good  as  she 
has  always  had — and  that  Arthur  is  inclined  to 
become  rather  short  in  speaking  to  his  mother — 
not  to  say  impudent.  And  both  are  likely  to  be- 
come critical  not  only  about  the  food  but  about  a 

195 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

hundred  other  things  that  they  find  at  home.  And 
both  are  likely  to  be  something  not  far  from  impu- 
dent in  giving  expression  to  their  criticisms.  In 
fact,  they  will  be  quite  prepared  to  undertake  the 
education  of  their  parents,  and  to  tell  you  with 
alarming  assurance  just  how  and  when  to  do  things, 
both  at  home  and  abroad.  Fortunate,  indeed,  are 
the  parents  who  have  come  to  this  critical  stage  in 
their  education  equipped  with  a  sense  of  humor. 

However,  these  unexpected  and  mortifying 
outbreaks  of  inconsiderateness  and  bad  manners 
do  not  show  that  your  early  efforts  have  all  been 
in  vain.  They  do  not  show  that  outside  influences 
beyond  your  control  have  perverted  your  children, 
or  have  counteracted  your  efforts.  They  show 
merely  that  Louise  and  Arthur  are  still  growing, 
and  have  now  entered  upon  that  most  interesting 
and  most  significant  period  of  the  new  birth. 

It  is  well,  first  of  all,  for  the  mother — and  the 
father,  too — to  realize  that  this  period  is  a  passing 
one,  for  this  knowledge  can  save  you  many  a  wor- 
ried day  and  many  a  sleepless  night.  I  do  not 
mean  that  when  the  child  comes  to  this  dangerous 
age  you  are  simply  to  let  nature  and  impulse  have 
their  way.  I  mean  only  that  the  problems  are 
to  be  met  with  many  devices,  but  not  with  worry. 
For  we  are  coming  to  understand  some  of  the 

196 


THE  GOLDEN  AGE  OF  TRANSITION 

fundamental  causes  of  the  great  changes  that  occur 
in  the  nature  of  the  growing  child  at  this  time,  and 
we  are  learning,  accordingly,  better  ways  of  dealing 
with  the  troublesome  manifestations  of  these 
changes.  Not  that  we  can  lay  down  rules  for  the 
proper  handling  of  all  adolescents  everywhere,  for 
we  can  not.  Every  individual  is  a  problem  by  him- 
self ;  but  we  can  learn  a  better  way  of  approaching 
this  precious  problem,  a  more  helpful  attitude  to 
maintain  toward  him  or  her. 

There  is  a  physical  basis  for  the  remarkable 
alterations  in  the  minds  and  morals  of  this  age. 
The  infant  grows  very  rapidly  at  first,  but  with  a 
diminishing  rate  until  about  the  twelfth  year. 
Then,  almost  suddenly,  the  rate  of  growth  increases 
again,  and  in  four  or  five  years  most  children  have 
attained  nearly  their  full  physical  growth.  Asso- 
ciated with  this  great  physical  growth  is  the  fact 
that  some  organs  grow  much  faster  than  others,  so 
that  the  proportions  of  an  adult  come  to  be  very 
different  from  those  of  a  child.  In  the  meanwhile, 
however,  there  has  been  a  great  strain  on  the  sys- 
tem, because,  apart  from  the  demands  of  the  gen- 
eral body  growth,  some  of  the  organs  have  not  been 
able  to  keep  up  with  the  special  demands  made  upon 
them.  For  example,  the  growth  in  body  weight 
and  in  muscle  may  proceed  more  rapidly  than  the 

197 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

proportionate  growth  of  the  lungs  or  the  liver,  or 
the  weight  may  increase  more  rapidly  than  the  pro- 
portionate strength  of  the  muscles.  Moreover,  the 
nervous  system  is  developing  at  a  more  rapid  rate, 
probably,  than  the  other  systems  of  organs,  and 
this  strain  shows  itself  in  various  ways  that  are 
disagreeable  to  adults  with  fixed  habits  and 
standards. 

All  of  these  changes  are  intimately  bound  up 
with  the  development  of  the  sex  organs  and  with 
the  approach  of  sexual  maturity. 

A  graceful  child  becomes  awkward  and  a  well- 
mannered  child  comes  to  act  rudely  and  to  speak 
quite  unlike  his  former  self.  These  changes  are 
related  to  the  fact  that  with  the  development  of 
the  nervous  system  there  arise  impulses  for  hun- 
dreds of  new  kinds  of  movements  which  the  child 
can  learn  to  suppress  or  to  control  only  with  the 
passing  of  time.  This  is  the  age  at  which  the  child 
is  exposed  to  the  acquirement  of  many  undesirable 
muscular  habits,  such  as  various  kinds  of  fidget- 
ings,  biting  of  the  finger-nails,  twirling  of  buttons, 
wrinkling  of  the  forehead,  shruggings,  swaying  the 
body,  rolling  the  tongue,  tapping  with  the  fingers 
or  the  feet,  and  so  on.  Nearly  a  thousand  of 
these  uncontrolled  or  "  automatic "  movements 
have  been  described  in  children  of  this  age.  Of 

198 


THE  GOLDEN  AGE  OF  TRANSITION 

course,  any  of  these  movements  that  produce  sounds 
or  that  catch  our  eye  are  very  annoying  to  us,  and 
if  we  have  never  nagged  before,  we  are  likely  to 
begin  now  by  saying  Don't  this  and  Don't  that, 
for  we  have  never  been  tempted  like  this  before. 
But  nagging  is  not  what  is  called  for. 

Are  we  then  to  let  them  keep  on  annoying 
others,  or  are  we  to  leave  them  to  themselves  to 
make  permanent  these  awkward  and  disturbing  and 
often  hideous  movements?  We  should  do  neither. 
We  should  remember  that  now  of  all  times  the 
boy  or  girl  needs  our  friendship  and  our  sym- 
pathy; we  should  let  the  young  person  feel -that  our 
objections  are  not  based  upon  our  momentary  an- 
noyance, but  upon  our  concern  for  the  kinds  of 
habits  he  will  acquire;  and  we  should  do  what  we 
can  to  help  him  break  his  habit,  not  insist  that  he 
break  it  for  us.  Moreover,  it  is  not  certain  that 
all  of  these  fidgetings  and  tappings  should  be  sup- 
pressed upon  their  first  appearance.  Most  of  these 
automatic  movements  disappear  of  themselves  as 
the  child  matures  and  learns  to  direct  his  nervous 
energy  into  channels  that  lead  to  useful  actions,  as 
he  acquires  skill  and  self-control  through  practice 
in  gymnastics  or  with  tools,  or  musical  instruments 
or  at  some  games.  And  while  there  should  be  every 
opportunity  to  play  games  and  musical  instruments 

199 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

and  to  handle  tools,  etc.,  we  should  not  be  dis- 
couraged if,  after  a  whole  day  of  hard  exertion 
in  work  and  play,  there  is  still  some  energy  left 
for  drumming  on  the  table  or  teasing  sister  or  the 
cat,  or  for  dancing  a  jig  upstairs  and  rattling  the 
lamp. 

Closely  connected  with  the  rapid  development 
of  the  nervous  system  is  the  fact  of  the  increasing 
irritability  of  temper.  This  will  show  itself  every 
day  in  a  hundred  ways.  Of  course,  it  is  unreason- 
able, and,  of  course,  the  boy  or  girl  is  not  to  be 
allowed  to  become  rude  and  impatient  and  domi- 
neering. But  with  this  increasing  irritability  comes 
increasing  sensitiveness,  and  it  is  very  easy  for  you 
to  make  him  realize  that  his  conduct  is  not  that 
becoming  a  gentleman,  or  that  his  manner  has  been 
offensive.  He  will  not  give  you  the  satisfaction, 
very  often,  of  letting  you  know  that  he  fully  appre- 
ciates your  point  of  view ;  indeed,  he  will  even  make 
a  show  of  disputing  your  position;  he  will  try  to 
argue  out  a  justification  for  his  conduct,  or  at  least 
a  mitigation.  But  he  knows  very  well  what  his 
offense  is,  and  is  thoroughly  ashamed  of  himself; 
but  he  has  to  save  his  face. 

It  may  be  helpful  to  mothers  and  fathers,  and 
to  others  who  have  to  do  with  girls  and  boys  of 
this  age,  to  know  that  what  appears  to  us  as  im- 

200 


THE  GOLDEN  AGE  OF  TRANSITION 

pudence  is  very  often  but  an  expression  of  the 
child's  awkward  attempt  to  hide  his  discomfiture 
or  embarrassment.  This  is  especially  true  in  the 
early  stages  of  adolescence.  The  boy  or  girl  is 
becoming  conscious  of  himself  as  a  person,  and 
resents  being  treated  as  a  child;  the  only  way  he 
knows  of  asserting  his  personality  is  by  affecting 
an  air  of  disdain  toward  those  who  presume  to 
treat  him  as  a  child.  This  swagger  is  more  likely 
to  be  put  on  when  there  is  a  third  person  present. 
It  is  therefore  always  safer  to  reserve  your  dis- 
cussions and  corrections  to  the  time  when  you  are 
alone  with  your  girl  or  boy,  and  can  place  your 
conversation  on  an  intimate  basis. 

Hand  in  hand  with  spells  of  most  irritating 
self-assertiveness,  the  adolescent  is  subject  to  spells 
of  most  depressing  humility  and  self-abnegation. 
Indeed,  at  every  point  this  period  is  marked  by 
the  most  violent  contrasts  and  alterations  of  mood. 
Hours  or  days  of  seeming  indifference  to  all  in- 
terests and  activities  will  be  followed  by  keen  ex- 
citement and  enthusiasm.  A  fit  of  doubt  in  his 
own  ability  and  worthiness  will  be  followed  by 
almost  ludicrous  self-confidence.  A  feverish  desire 
for  constant  companionship  will  follow  a  dull  and 
moody  search  for  seclusion  and  solitude.  In  gen- 
eral it  is  perhaps  wisest  to  ignore  these  changing 

201 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

moods,  except  where  they  find  their  outlet  in  offen- 
sive or  vicious  conduct.  We  must  remember  that 
it  is  just  as  trying  to  the  young  person  as  it  is  to 
the  older  ones ;  and,  while  we  may  not  be  prepared 
to  yield  our  comfort  and  our  standards  to  the 
whims  of  the  girl  or  boy,  we  should  seek  for  ad- 
justment through  sympathetic  exchange  of  ideas 
and  sentiments,  and  not  through  arbitrary  rules. 
In  any  case,  these  changing  moods  need  not  in 
themselves  be  considered  occasions  for  misgivings 
and  worry  about  the  future  development,  for  they 
are  part  and  parcel  of  the  rapid  changes  in  the 
nervous  system. 

So  complex  is  the  character  of  this  stage  that 
volumes  have  been  written  about  it;  it  has  been 
recorded  in  song  and  in  literature,  and  has  been 
celebrated  in  religious  ceremonials  from  ancient 
times.  If,  then,  the  mother  finds  it  perplexing,  and 
somewhat  beyond  her  full  comprehension,  she  cer- 
tainly should  not  blame  herself. 

It  has  been  said  that  the  complexity  of  the  in- 
dividual during  adolescence  is  due  to  the  fact  that 
at  this  time  the  brain  and  the  whole  body  become 
at  last  awakened  to  their  manifold  capacities,  and 
that  the  child  now  is  not  only  capable  of  doing 
everything  that  a  human  being  can  do,  but  feels  the 
impulse  to  do  everything.  But  manifestly  he  can- 

202 


THE  GOLDEN  AGE  OF  TRANSITION 

not  do  all  things  at  once;  hence  the  rapid  changes 
of  impulse  and  mood.  There  is  a  sudden  increase 
in  emotions,  without  suitable  habits  for  giving  them 
an  outlet.  There  is  vague  longing  and  formless 
yearning  for  the  child  knows  not  what.  Much  re- 
lief and  satisfaction  come  from  physical  exertion, 
especially  for  boys.  There  is  much  satisfaction  of 
the  emotions  from  association  with  others;  hence 
the  growth  of  the  gang  and  the  feeling  of  kinship. 
Adults,  with  their  limited  interests  and  their 
appreciation  of  the  need  for  specialization  in  the 
practical  pursuits  of  life,  are  often  inclined  to  look 
with  disfavor  upon  the  growing  girl's  or  boy's 
"  dabbling  "  in  a  hundred  different  directions.  Not 
content  with  athletics  and  hunting,  the  boy  will 
want  to  collect  stamps  or  birds'  eggs,  to  make  a 
motor-boat  and  learn  telegraphy;  to  take  photo- 
graphs and  try  his  hand  at  the  cornet;  to  experi- 
ment in  chemistry  and  stuff  an  owl.  Not  content 
with  dancing,  sewing  and  cooking,  the  girl  will  want 
to  master  several  poets  and  make  attempts  at  paint- 
ing; she  will  want  to  become  more  proficient  at 
the  piano  and  do  some  singing;  she  will  want  her 
share  of  photography  and  athletics,  and  would  try 
her  hand  at  writing  a  novel.  All  these  things  seem 
so  distracting  to  us  that  we  fear  either  that  the 
young  person  will  become  a  superficial  dabbler 

203 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

or  will  fail  to  settle  down  to  something  serious. 
But  much  is  to  be  said  in  favor  of  letting  every 
girl  and  boy  do  as  near  to  everything  he  or  she 
wants  to  do  as  possible.  Expertness  can  come  later 
when  a  choice  of  a  specialty  has  been  made.  Now 
is  the  time  for  touching  life  at  as  many  points  as 
possible,  for  acquiring  breadth  of  outlook  and 
range  of  sympathy  and  interest.  Now  especially 
is  the  time  for  trying  out  the  individual's  ca- 
pacities— which  may  lie  quite  beyond  the  range 
of  the  conventional  pursuits  of  the  family  or  the 
neighborhood.  It  is  the  time  for  self-discovery, 
and  to  this  end  every  bit  of  help  that  can  come  from 
the  home  and  from  the  church,  from  the  school  and 
from  the  community,  from  direct  experience  and 
from  literature,  should  be  utilized. 

The  danger  of  early  specialization  is  shown  to 
us  when  we  contemplate  men  and  women  who  have 
no  interests  beyond  their  rather  narrow  routine 
occupations,  who  have  no  sympathies  beyond  their 
rather  narrow  set  of  intimates,  who  have  no  ap- 
preciation of  human  character  and  human  service 
beyond  the  small  circle  into  which  they  settled  in 
their  teens,  and  from  which  they  can  by  no  possi- 
bility be  drawn.  It  is  because  the  formation  of 
new  habits  becomes  increasingly  difficult  after  the 
sixteenth  or  seventeenth  year  that  narrow  preju- 

204 


THE  GOLDEN  AGE  OF  TRANSITION 

dices  and  biased  opinions  should  be  avoided  by 
participation  in  the  broadest  variety  of  activities 
and  associations.  Before  the  conflicting  moods 
and  tendencies  are  finally  welded  into  a  consistent 
whole  the  girl  or  boy  should  make  a  part  of  his 
personality  as  many  sources  of  enthusiasm,  as 
many  kinds  of  interest,  as  many  lines  of  sympathy 
as  possible.  In  a  few  years  the  character  begins  to 
"  set/*  and  the  size  of  the  character  will  be  in  large 
part  determined  by  the  number  and  variety  of 
emotional,  intellectual,  sensory,  and  muscular  ele- 
ments that  have  been  developed  during  this  adol- 
escent period. 

One  of  the  characteristics  of  this  age  is  the 
tendency  to  hem  worship.  It  is  so  difficult  to  know 
in  advance  what  types  of  heroes  our  children  are 
going  to  select  that  we  are  inclined  to  feel  quite 
helpless  in  the  matter.  But  it  is  safe  to  say  that 
earlier  training  is  sure  to  have  its  effects,  although 
we  cannot  always  measure  the  effect.  A  boy  in 
whom  a  keen  sense  of  honor  shows  itself  before 
adolescence  is  not  likely  to  adopt  a  hero  in  whom 
there  is  a  suspicion  of  anything  sneaky.  The  new 
flood  of  emotions  brings  with  it  a  host  of  new 
aspirations  and  new  ideals ;  and  some  of  these  are 
likely  enough  to  conflict  with  the  older  childish 
ideals.  It  is  therefore  of  the  utmost  importance 

205 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

that  the  reading — which  is  perhaps  the  chief  source 
of  model  heroes  for  most  children — should  be  of 
a  wholesome  kind.  This  does  not  mean  that  the 
stories  must  be  about  paragons  of  virtue;  the  vil- 
lains of  fiction  and  history  have  their  value  in 
teaching  life  and  character,  and  we  need  not  fear 
that  they  will  contaminate  the  minds  of  the  young, 
for  in  most  children  the  instincts  may  be  relied 
upon  to  reject  the  allurement  of  the  base  character. 
But  fiction  that  is  false  in  its  sentiment,  that  does 
not  present  truthful  pictures  of  life,  is  likely  to 
^fJve  perverted  ideas  of  human  relations  and  false 
standards  of  value.  City  children  who  have  access 
to  the  theatre  often  get  their  heroes  from  the  stage; 
and  the  same  thing  may  be  said  about  the  drama  as 
about  fiction.  It  is  only  the  too  highly  colored 
and  exaggerated  melodrama  that  is  likely  to  be  ob- 
jectionable for  the  impressionable  youth.  The 
moving-picture  shows,  which  are  coming  to  supply 
so  many  of  the  children  with  their  chief  opportu- 
nity to  learn  life,  have  been,  on  the  whole,  fairly 
wholesome;  and  the  movement  to  secure  more 
adequate  censorship  of  the  films  will  probably 
leave  these  sources  of  instruction  perfectly  safe, 
from  a  moral  point  of  view,  so  far  as  concerns  the 
knowledge  of  life  that  the  adolescent  gets.  The 
only  real  danger  from  the  "  movies  "  and  the  the- 

206 


THE  GOLDEN  AGE  OF  TRANSITION 

atres  is  likely  to  be  the  cultivation  of  the  habit  of 
passive  entertainment. 

And  this  suggests  another  source  of  puzzles  of 
adolescence.  In  the  alternating  moods  of  excessive 
exertion  and  indolence  there  is  the  possibility  of 
girls  and  boys  learning  the  value  of  alternation  of 
•work  and  play  and  rest.  But  there  is  also  the 
danger  of  acquiring  the  habit  of  resting  all  the 
time,  and  leaving  not  only  the  work  for  others, 
but  also  the  activity  of  play.  It  is  much  better 
for  children  to  rest  because  they  are  tired  than 
because  they  are  lazy.  And,  while  it  is  true  that 
the  instincts  are  all  for  activity,  it  is  easy  enough 
for  the  growing  individual  to  acquire  the  habit  of 
passive  absorption  of  whatever  amusement  is  pro- 
vided. It  is  better,  then,  for  the  young  people  to 
get  their  entertainment  out  of  theatricals  than  out 
of  the  theatre,  out  of  playing  games  than  out  of 
watching  games,  out  of  having  adventures  in  the 
woods  and  in  the  water  than  out  of  reading  about 
them.  And,  in  every  way,  the  most  reliable  safety- 
valve  of  the  period  is  constant  activity,  as  this  is 
the  best  outlet  for  the  many  and  conflicting  emo- 
tions which  are  the  source  of  the  chief  difficulties. 
When  Arthur  shows  signs  of  getting  restless  it  is 
a  great  comfort  to  be  able  to  send  him  off  on  some 
errand,  or  to  give  him  a  definite  task  to  do.  But 

207 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

it  is  also  a  great  service  to  the  boy,  for  while  he 
is  at  the  work  there  is  being  used  up  the  nervous 
energy  that  would  otherwise  appear  at  the  surface 
as  another  "  spell."  And  this  principle  is  just  as 
true  for  girls  as  it  is  for  boys.  Only  you  cannot 
send  the  girl  to  a  piece  of  work  requiring  great 
bodily  exertion — nor  does  she  need  this  so  much. 

Work  is  not  only  a  satisfactory  safety-valve  for 
the  emotions  in  general,  but  it  is  especially  valu- 
able as  a  means  of  diverting  the  thoughts  and  feel- 
ings from  the  growing  consciousness  of  sex. 

One  of  the  reasons  why  it  now  becomes  more 
difficult  for  even  thoughtful  and  considerate  parents 
to  keep  in  close  sympathy  with  the  boy  or  girl  is 
this  outburst  of  new  and  varied  interests,  which 
clamor  for  movement  and  color  and  quick  changes. 
The  parent  has  in  the  course  of  years  settled  down 
to  a  relatively  small  group  of  activities  and  inter- 
ests, most  of  which  offer  no  appeal  to  the  growing 
individual.  For  instance,  you  would  like  to  come 
close  to  the  thoughts  and  feelings  of  your  growing 
son  or  daughter;  you  suggest  that  you  take  a 
walk  together.  Now,  it  is  very  nice  for  a  middle- 
aged  person  to  take  a  walk,  alone  or  with  a  com- 
panion ;  but  the  girl  or  boy  sees  no  sense  in  taking 
a  walk  unless  you  wish  to  get  somewhere.  The 
ordinary  conversation  and  gossip  that  a  girl  is 

208 


THE  GOLDEN  AGE  OF  TRANSITION 

likely  to  hear  when  you  take  her  to  visit  a  friend 
is  apt  to  be  very  stupid — to  the  girl.  Even  where 
the  parents  have  watched  the  expanding  soul  closely 
on  the  one  hand,  and  have  kept  themselves  in  touch 
with  a  variety  of  activities  rich  in  human  interests 
on  the  other,  they  often  find  that  the  intimacy  with 
their  children  is  for  a  time  weakened,  and  fully  re- 
stored only  after  the  latter  have  passed  through 
these  trying  years. 

What  is  likely  to  be  the  greatest  source  of  grief 
on  the  part  of  the  parent  is  the  apparent  lapse  of 
the  growing  boy  or  girl  from  standards  of  honesty 
and  truthfulness  with  which  she  has  so  solicitously 
tried  to  imbue  him  or  her.  But  this  lapse  during 
the  critical  growing  period  is  so  widespread,  so 
common  among  boys  and  girls  who  afterward  be- 
come fine  men  and  women,  that  special  students  of 
the  problem  have  come  to  believe  that  semi-crimi- 
nality is  quite  normal,  at  least  for  boys,  at  this  age. 
Now,  while  some  children  are  perhaps  by  nature 
incapable  of  attaining  to  a  satisfactory  moral  level, 
most  children  will,  under  suitable  surroundings, 
grow  away  from  this  state  of  lying  and  stealing; 
but  under  adverse  conditions  these  distressing  fea- 
tures of  their  behavior  may  become  habitual.  Suit- 
able surroundings  and  treatment  would  here  consist 
of  the  presence  of  good  models  and  high  ideals, 
14  209 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

sympathetic  help  in  resisting  temptation,  and  not 
in  a  harsh  denunciation  of  each  unapproved  act  as 
evidence  of  turpitude  and  perversion.  You  need 
not  assume  that  there  is  perversion  until  that  is 
demonstrated  beyond  any  doubt.  For,  if  the  child 
is  morally  redeemable,  he  should  be  treated  like  one 
who  is  weak  and  who  needs  help  until  the  difficul- 
ties are  mastered;  otherwise  you  are  likely  to  en- 
courage in  him  the  feeling  that  he  is  hopeless,  and 
he  will  relax  all  effort  for  his  own  self-mastery. 

Along  with  the  emotions  related  to  roniantic 
love  there  is  a  rapid  development  of  the  religious 
side  of  the  nature,  of  a  consciousness  of  the^ace 
as  a  whole,  of  a  spirit  of  chivalry  and  disinterested- 
ness— all  emotions  that  bear  a  tremendous  motive 
power  which  needs  to  be  guided  into  suitable  chan- 
nels. Never  before  and  never  again  has  the  indi- 
vidual the  endurance  and  the  energy  for  such  self- 
sacrifice,  for  such  devotion,  for  such  exertion  in 
behalf  of  the  purest  of  ideals.  At  the  same  time,  the 
increased  sensitiveness  shrinks  from  every  sneer 
and  every  evidence  of  misunderstanding  or  un- 
sympathetic reproof.  It  is  therefore  unwise  to 
tease  the  girl  or  boy  about  the  "  friend  "  of  the 
opposite  sex ;  it  is  cruel  to  sneer  at  their  ambitions, 
and  it  may  be  positively  demoralizing  to  ridicule 
their  ideals. 

210 


THE  GOLDEN  AGE  OF  TRANSITION 

A  mother  of  unusual  intelligence,  who  had  de- 
voted herself  not  only  to  the  routine  work  con- 
nected with  her  household  and  the  care  of  her 
children,  but  had  made  special  efforts  to  keep  in- 
formed on  what  was  going  on  in  the  world  of 
thought  and  practical  affairs,  and  who  had  a  busy 
life  of  varied  activities,  was  walking  along  a  city 
street  with  her  youngest  son — just  fifteen.  The 
adolescent,  who  was  rather  free  in  his  comments 
on  what  went  on  around  him,  made  this  pretty  little 
speech  to  his  mother: 

"  Mother,  I  think  you  have  a  very  petty  mind. 
Here  you  fuss  around  trying  to  help  out  that  poor 
V-  -  family  by  getting  together  clothing  for  the 
children,  and  an  odd  job  for  the  old  man  once  in  a 
while.  And  you  have  been  trying  to  raise  a  fund 

to  complete  the  education  of  the  W boy,  and 

all  things  of  that  kind.  But  all  you  have  done  does 
not  help  to  solve  the  problem  of  poverty." 

The  mother,  who  had  indeed  been  carrying  on 
these  various  good  works,  alongside  of  many  other 
activities,  naturally  resented  the  criticism  of  her 
son.  But  what  she  minded  most  was  the  "  incon- 
sistency "  of  the  boy  when,  a  few  minutes  later, 
they  passed  a  street  preacher  with  a  crowd  about 
him.  They  could  not  hear  what  the  man  was  say- 

211 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

ing,  but  the  wise  young  adolescent  remarked,  "  I 
wish  I  had  some  money  to  help  that  fellow  with." 

Now,  thinks  the  mother,  what  do  you  know 
about  this  man's  purposes ;  what  is  he  working  for  ? 

The  boy  did  not  know;  but  he  wanted  to  do 
something  "  to  help  the  cause."  What  cause,  he 
did  not  know — and  did  not  care;  for  him  it  was 
enough  that  here  a  man  is  devoting  himself  to  a 
cause. 

And  this  incident  illustrates  nearly  everything 
that  makes  the  adolescent  so  puzzling  and  so  ex- 
asperating to  older  people. 

First  of  all,  he  had  gotten  hold  of  a  large  idea, 
which  he  could  not  by  any  possibility  understand 
in  all  its  bearings ;  and  on  the  basis  of  this  he  criti- 
cises the  charitable  efforts  of  his  mother  and,  in- 
deed, of  her  whole  generation.  Not  only  does  he 
criticise  the  prevailing  modes  of  philanthropic 
effort,  but  he  condemns  these  good  people  as  having 
"  petty  "  minds — because  they  do  not  all  see  what 
he  has  seen,  perhaps  for  as  long  as  a  day  or  two. 
His  attitude  is  not  reasoned  out,  but  arises  from  the 
deepest  feelings  of  sympathy  for  the  great  tragedy 
of  poverty,  which  he  takes  in  at  one  sweep  with- 
out patience  for  the  details  of  individual  poor 
people.  Then  the  preacher  on  the  street  corner, 
exposing  himself  to  the  gibes  and  sneers  of  the 

212 


THE  GOLDEN  AGE  OF  TRANSITION 

unsympathetic  crowd,  appeals  to  him  instantly  as  a 
self-sacrificing  champion  of  some  "  cause."  It  is 
his  religious  feelings,  his  chivalric  feelings,  that 
are  reached;  he  would  himself  become  a  missionary, 
and  the  missionary  is  a  hero  that  appeals  espe- 
cially to  the  adolescent.  There  is  no  inconsistency 
between  his  disapproval  of  specific  acts  of  charity 
and  his  approval  of  the  preacher  of  an  unknown 
cause.  In  both  instances  he  gives  voice  to  his  feel- 
ings for  the  larger,  comprehensive  ideals  that  are 
just  surging  to  the  surface  of  his  consciousness. 

This  is  the  period  in  which  you  will  one  day 
complain  that  the  young  person  is  giving  alto- 
gether too  much  time  and  thought  to  details  of 
dress  and  fashion,  only  to  remonstrate  a  few  days 
later  about  his  careless  or  even  slovenly  appear- 
ance. On  the  whole,  however,  the  interest  in  dress 
and  appearance  will  grow,  because  as  the  adoles- 
cent boy  or  girl  becomes  conscious  of  his  own  per- 
sonality he  thinks  more  and  more  of  the  appearance 
of  his  person,  and  especially  of  how  it  appears  to 
others.  There  is  even  the  danger  that  the  boy  will 
become  a  fop  or  a  dandy,  and  that  the  girl  will 
take  to  overdressing.  Argument  is  of  little  avail 
in  such  cases.  The  association  with  persons  of 
good  taste  who  will  arouse  the  admiration  or  affec- 
tion of  the  growing  child  will  do  more  than  hours 

213 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

of  sermons.  If  the  boy  can  realize  that  one  may 
be  a  fine  man  without  wearing  the  latest  style  in 
collars,  or  if  the  girl  finds  a  thoroughly  admirable 
and  lovable  woman  who  does  not  observe  the  cus- 
toms of  fashion  too  much,  neither  ridicule  nor 
protest  will  be  necessary. 

In  general,  the  adolescent  will  give  us  exercise 
in  patience  and  in  imagination  and  in  ingenuity. 
He  will  puzzle  us  and  perplex  us  as  well  as  exas- 
perate us.  But  if  we  cannot  remember  back  to 
our  own  golden  age,  we  must  try  as  best  we  can 
to  believe  that  even  this  will  pass  away. 


XIV. 
HEREDITY   AND    ENVIRONMENT 

With  special  assistance  from 

BENJAMIN  CHARLES  GRUENBERG,  Ph.D. 

THE  frequent  appearance  of  the  "  black  sheep  " 
in  a  flock  of  tolerably  white  sheep,  the  frequent 
failure  of  the  best  efforts  of  parents  and  teachers 
to  make  a  fairly  decent  man  out  of  a  promising 
boy,  have  led  many  to  question  whether,  after  all, 
the  pains  and  effort  are  worth  while.  We  have 
come  to  question  the  wisdom  of  bothering  about 
"  environment " ;  just  as  we  sometimes  question 
the  existence  of  a  principle  called  "  heredity." 
Every  day  some  one  asks  the  question,  "  Do  you 
believe  in  heredity  ?  "  And  many  times  a  day  peo- 
ple discuss,  "  Which  is  more  important,  heredity 
or  environment  ?  " 

These  are  certainly  practical  questions  for 
parents,  since  the  answers  we  receive  must  influ- 
ence our  practice  or  conduct  in  relation  to  the 
children.  If  we  felt  quite  sure  that  heredity  was 
everything  and  environment  nothing,  we  should 
reduce  our  school  appropriations  and  build  larger 
jails  and  asylums,  or  we  should  resign  ourselves  as 

215 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

best  we  could  to  letting  "  nature  take  her  course." 
On  the  other  hand,  if  we  felt  sure  that  heredity 
was  nothing  and  environment  everything,  we  should 
proceed  at  once  to  double  our  school  equipment, 
raise  the  teachers'  salaries,  convert  our  penal  insti- 
tutions into  reformatories  and  our  armories  into 
recreation  centres,  and  advance  the  age  of  com- 
pulsory education  just  as  far  as  we  thought  we 
could  afford  to. 

Those  who  place  the  emphasis  upon  heredity, 
in  the  attempt  to  discredit  the  value  of  thoughtful 
and  painstaking  control  of  the  environment  of  the 
developing  child,  usually  remind  us  that  a  man  like 
Lincoln  achieved  power  and  distinction  in  spite  of 
what  we  would  ordinarily  consider  serious  obstacles 
to  complete  development,  whereas  thousands  of 
college  graduates  who  have  had  all  the  advantages 
that  trained  tutors  and  guarded  surroundings  can 
give  have  developed  into  mediocre  men  and  women 
— have  even  developed  into  vicious  and  criminal 
men  and  women.  They  will  remind  us  that  from  a 
class  of  children  that  had  the  same  teachers  for 
many  years  has  emerged  a  group  of  very  distinct 
men  and  women ;  they  will  remind  us  that  brothers 
and  sisters  with  the  identical  "  environment "  turn 
out  to  be  so  different. 

On  the  other  hand,  those  who  see  nothing  in 
216 


HEREDITY  AND  ENVIRONMENT 

"  heredity  "  will  point  to  the  same  Lincoln  and  ask 
confidently  why  his  ancestors  and  his  descendants 
do  not  show  the  same  degree  of  power  and  achieve- 
ment. They  will  point  to  the  same  family  of 
brothers  and  sisters  who  had  the  same  "  heredity  " 
and  ask  why  they  all  turned  out  so  differently. 
The  black  sheep  proves  just  as  much — and  just  as 
little — for  one  side  of  the  argument  as  it  does  for 
the  other. 

There  are,  it  is  true,  many  people  who  say  that 
they  "  do  not  believe  "  in  either  heredity  or  envir- 
onment. Such  people  see  the  difficulties  of  the  dis- 
putants and  reject  both  alternatives.  They  prefer 
to  say  frankly  that  they  do  not  understand  the 
situation;  that  life  is  too  complex  to  be  solved  by 
puny  human  intellects.  Or  they  resort  to  some 
equally  unintelligible  explanation,  such  as  "  Fate  " 
or  "  Nature  " — which  is  but  another  way  of  saying 
that  we  never  can  understand.  On  the  other  side 
stands  the  scientist  who  refuses  to  shut  his  eyes  to 
any  established  facts,  and  insists  upon  trying  to 
understand  as  much  as  possible,  though  he  may 
never  hope  to  understand  all. 

But  no  one  is  prepared  to  say  authoritatively 
that  either  heredity  or  environment  is  the  exclusive 
or  even  the  predominant  factor  in  determining  the 
character  of  the  individual.  Indeed,  the  voice  of 

217 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

the  scientist,  which  is  the  only  authoritative  voice 
we  have  in  such  matters,  is  telling  us  very  plainly 
that  the  whole  question  of  "  heredity  or  environ- 
ment" is  not  a  real  question  at  all:  we  are  con- 
fronted in  every  child  with  a  case  of  heredity  and 
environment,  and  the  practical  question  is  how  to 
\  control  the  latter  so  as  to  get  the  most  from  the 
former. 

To  begin,  then,  in  a  modest  way  to  understand 
what  is  understandable,  in  the  faith  that  under- 
standing will  grow  with  thought  and  observation, 
is  the  first  duty  of  those  who  are  not  content  to 
fold  their  hands  in  resignation  or  despair.  We 
know  that  we  can  control  wherever  we  have  real 

\knowledge.  The  cook  knows  that  she  cannot  make 
roast  duck  out  of  pork  chops;  but  she  knows  also 
that  she  can  make  palatable  and  digestible  pork 
chops  by  proceeding  in  one  way,  and  that  she  can 
make  tough  and  sickening  pork  chops  out  of  the 
same  materials  by  changing  her  procedure.  In  the 
same  way  the  scientific  approach  to  the  problem  of 
child  training  teaches  us  that,  while  we  cannot 
make  a  "  swan  out  of  a  goose,"  we  can  make  the 
gosling  into  a  better  goose  or  a  poorer  goose  by 
the  treatment  we  apply  to  it. 

A  frequent  source  of  doubt  and  misunderstand- 
ing is  the  universal  occurrence  of  such  distinct 

218 


HEREDITY  AND  ENVIRONMENT 

types  among  brothers  and  sisters.  The  query  at 
once  arises,  "  Have  not  these  children  the  same 
heredity?"  Brothers  and  sisters  have  the  same 
ancestors,  but  not  the  same  heredity.  Recent  bio- 
logical discoveries  teach  us  that  the  individual 
develops  from  a  bundle  of  units  derived  from  the 
two  parents,  but  the  units  supplied  by  a  parent  never 
represent  the  totality  of  the  parents'  composition, 
nor  do  all  the  units  that  are  passed  on  come  to 
manifest  themselves  as  parts  of  the  character.  The 
parent  passes  on  sample  units  from  her  or  his  own 
inheritance,  so  that  no  two  combinations  are  ever 
exactly  alike.  It  is  a  commonplace  observation  that 
Johnny  may  have  his  maternal  grandmother's  chin, 
his  paternal  grandmother's  eyes,  his  father's  walk, 
his  Uncle  George's  lips,  his  Aunt  Mary's  sharp 
tongue,  his  grandfather's  alertness,  and  his 
mother's  good  judgment.  Of  course,  he  has  not 
his  grandmother's  eyes  or  his  uncle's  lips:  these 
relatives  still  retain  their  respective  facial  organs, 
and  his  father  still  has  his  quick  temper.  What 
Johnny  has  inherited  is  a  something,  perhaps  in 
the  nature  of  a  ferment,  which  determines  the  color 
of  his  eyes,  a  certain  something  that  makes  his  lips 
develop  into  that  particular  shape,  a  certain  some- 
thing that  causes  his  brain  to  respond  to  annoyance 
in  the  same  manner  as  that  of  his  Aunt  Mary's. 

219 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

And  the  various  ancestors  and  relatives  have  re- 
ceived from  their  parents  similar  determining  fac- 
tors that  have  manifested  themselves  in  similar 
peculiarities.  We  do  not  inherit  from  our  relatives, 
or  even  from  our  parents:  we  are  built  up  of  the 
same  elements  as  those  of  which  our  relatives  are 
built,  but  each  one  of  us  has  received  his  individual 
combination  of  factors.  Hence,  no  two  brothers 
or  sisters  are  exactly  alike,  although  they  have  the 
same  parents  and  the  same  ancestors. 

While  it  is  universally  recognized  that  no  two 
individuals  are  exactly  alike,  we  are  not  at  all  clear 
in  our  minds  as  to  whether  the  important  differ- 
ences arise  from  differences  in  experience  or  nur- 
ture, or  from  essential  differences  in  nature.  We 
know  that  children  of  the  same  parents  are  essen- 
tially different  from  birth,  and  that  no  matter  how 
similar  the  treatment  they  receive  afterward  they 
will  always  remain  different,  or  even  become  more 
different  as  they  become  older.  It  is  becoming 
more  clear  every  day,  as  a  result  of  scientific  study, 
that  every  individual  is  absolutely  unique,  except- 
ing only  "  true  "  twins. 

If  we  accept  this  individuality  of  the  person  as 
a  fact,  what,  then,  is  the  importance  of  training 
or  environment?  Does  not  this  admission  settle  at 
once  the  contention  of  those  who  see  no  value  at 

220 


HEREDITY  AND  ENVIRONMENT 

all  in  a  carefully-controlled  environment?  If  this 
child  is  born  without  mathematical  ability,  what  is 
the  use  of  drumming  arithmetic  into  his  head;  or, 
if  he  is  born  with  musical  genius,  why  should  we 
bother  about  teaching  him  music? — he  will  "  take  " 
to  it  naturally. 

The  answer  to  these  and  similar  questions  is  to 
be  found  in  the  answer  to  another  question,  namely, 
"  What  is  it  precisely  that  the  child  is  born  with?  " 
Surely  no  child  is  ever  born  with  the  ability  to 
dance  or  sing  or  to  do  sums  in  algebra.  When  we 
say  that  a  child  has  musical  genius  we  mean  merely 
that  as  he  develops  we  may  notice  in  him  a  certain 
capacity  to  acquire  musical  knowledge  more  readily 
than  most  other  children  do,  or  a  certain  disposition 
to  express  himself  in  melody,  or  a  certain  liking 
for  music  in  some  form,  or  a  certain  readiness  to 
acquire  control  of  musical  instruments.  In  other 
words,  the  child  is  born  with  a  capacity  for  acquir- 
ing certain  things  from  the  outside, — that  is,  from 
the  environment — he  is  born  with  certain  possi- 
bilities, which  can  become  actualities  only  if  the 
suitable  conditions  are  provided.  In  the  same  way 
one  child  is  born  with  a  capacity  for  exceptional 
muscular  development,  and  another  for  exceptional 
self-mastery.  But  in  every  case  practice  makes 
perfect,  the  muscles  must  be  properly  nourished 

221 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

and  exercised,  the  will  must  be  trained — and  that 
means  suitable  environment. 

Now,  while  every  individual  is  unique,  not 
every  child  is  a  born  genius.  The  distinctiveness 
of  each  child  lies  in  the  fact  that  he  consists  of  a 
combination  of  capacities  and  tendencies,  each  of 
which  varies  in  degree  when  compared  with  other 
individuals.  For  example,  Evelyn  has  about  the 
same  capacity  for  physical  work  as  Annie,  but  she 
stands  lower  than  the  latter  in  arithmetic  and 
higher  in  language  work.  John  shows  about  the 
same  physical  power  as  Henry,  when  measured  by 
running  and  jumping  and  chinning;  but  John  can 
hit  the  ball  with  his  bat  more  times  out  of  a  hun- 
dred than  Henry  can,  whereas  Henry  can  hit  the 
bull's-eye  with  his  rifle  more  times  out  of  a  hundred 
than  John  can.  In  a  thousand  details  any  two 
children  differ  from  each  other,  one  excelling  in 
nearly  half  of  the  points,  the  other  excelling  perhaps 
in  about  as  many,  and  the  two  standing  almost 
exactly  alike  in  some  matters. 

A  child  that  excels  most  of  his  colleagues  in 
one  or  a  few  points  is  said  to  have  marked  ability 
in  that  direction — as  the  exceptional  athlete,  or  the 
child  with  exceptional  literary  or  moral  feeling. 
On  the  other  hand,  a  child  that  seems  to  measure 
well  up  to  the  average  in  most  points,  and  even  to 

222 


HEREDITY  AND  ENVIRONMENT 

excel  in  a  few,  may  fall  far  short  in  some  mat- 
ters,— that  is,  may  be  deficient.  Thus  a  perfectly 
good  child  in  every  other  way  may  be  unable  to 
master  the  ordinary  requirements  in  arithmetic,  or 
a  child  may  have  an  entirely  satisfactory  develop- 
ment in  every  way  and  be  deficient  in  musical  dis- 
crimination. 

Another  kind  of  difference  is  to  be  found  in 
what  may  be  called  general  capacity.  Some  children 
show  higher  capacity  than  the  average  along  nearly 
every  line  that  can  be  measured  or  tested,  without 
showing  a  preponderance  in  any  one  direction. 
Such  children  are  said  to  be  of  high  grade,  or  of 
high  "  vitality."  In  the  same  way  many  children 
are  below  the  average  in  nearly  every  line,  without 
being  particularly  defective  along  any  one  line. 
They  can  do  one  thing  about  as  well  as  another, 
just  as  the  high-grade  boys  and  girls  can  do  one 
thing  about  as  well  as  another;  but  in  the  former 
there  is  a  limit  to  the  possible  development  which 
is  exceeded  in  the  latter.  Among  both  classes  of 
children  the  full  development  depends  upon  suit- 
able environment,  but  what  is  suitable  for  one  may 
not  be  suitable  for  the  other. 

From  a  consideration  of  these  differences  in 
degree  and  difference  in  kind  we  may  see  that  there 
is  no  course  of  training  or  treatment,  no  method  of 

223 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

instruction,  no  trick  for  the  mother  or  for  the 
teacher  that  will  be  usable  for  all  children  under 
all  circumstances,  to  make  them  all  come  up  to  some 
preconceived  uniform  standard.  On  the  other 
hand,  if,  we  consider  the  differences  as  worth  de- 
veloping, and  even  emphasizing,  it  must  be  obvious 
that  the  training  and  the  treatment  should  be 
adapted  to  the  individual  child  so  far  as  possible. 
Starting  out  with  essentially  different  human  be- 
ings, uniform  treatment  will  not  make  them  all 
alike,  nor  will  any  treatment  make  them  all  alike. 
But  starting  out  with  a  particular  human  being, 
we  can  learn  to  treat  him  in  such  a  way  as  to  make 
him  develop  into  a  more  desirable  person  than  he 
would  become  if  he  were  neglected  or  if  he  were 
treated  differently.  And  that  is  the  main  prob- 
lem, after  all. 

The  relation  between  heredity  and  environ- 
ment may  perhaps  be  made  clear  by  an  extreme 
illustration  from  the  physical  side.  Here  are  two 
full-grown  men,  both  five  feet  and  four  inches  tall. 
We  observe  that  they  are  both  short.  Now,  the 
shortness  of  one  of  them  turns  out  to  be  the  result 
of  heredity, — that  is,  he  belongs  to  a  strain  of 
short  people.  No  amount  of  feeding  or  of  exer- 
cise or  of  special  regime  could  have  made  him  more 
than  a  quarter  or  half  an  inch  taller.  The  other 

224 


HEREDITY  AND  ENVIRONMENT 

man,  however,  belongs  to  a  race  of  rather  taller 
men  and  women:  his  shortness  of  stature  may  be 
traced  to  undernutrition,  or  to  overwork,  or  to 
sickness  during  his  childhood.  It  is  quite  certain 
that  a  different  kind  of  environment  would  have 
resulted  in  his  being  as  tall  as  his  brothers  and 
sisters. 

Now,  the  problem  of  training  concerns  itself 
practically  not  so  much  with  the  person  who  is  par- 
ticularly "  long  "  by  nature,  nor  so  much  with  the 
person  who  is  unusually  "  short "  by  nature — and 
we  may  apply  "  long  "  and  "  short  "  to  every  other 
trait  as  well  as  to  stature.  The  problem  with  these 
extremes  is  simply  to  keep  the  child  in  good  health. 
The  special  efforts  of  the  teacher  and  of  the  parent 
are  devoted  to  giving  the  child  who  appears  some- 
what below  the  average  in  some  particular  those 
special  stimulations  and  exercises  and  feedings 
that  will  bring  him  up  to  the  average.  We  find 
the  extremely  short  too  discouraging,  and  the  ex- 
tremely long  do  not  clamor  for  our  attention;  but 
it  is  those  near  the  middle-point  that  we  want  to 
help  over  to  the  other  side  of  the  dividing  line. 
And  this  is  just  as  true  of  an  undesirable  character 
as  it  is  of  a  desirable  one.  We  take  no  trouble  to 
teach  honesty  to  the  child  that  seems  instinctively 
honest;  and  we  give  up  in  despair  with  the  child 
15  225 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

that  convinces  us  of  his  utter  lack  of  a  moral  sense : 
we  concentrate  our  efforts  upon  the  delinquents 
whom  we  catch  early,  or  upon  those  who  are  in 
danger  of  sliding  down  if  they  are  not  helped  along. 
Perhaps  one  reason  for  the  great  confusion  on 
this  subject  arises  out  of  the  fact  that  we  have 
become  accustomed  to  making  a  sharp  distinction 
between  physical  characters  on  the  one  hand  and 
so-called  mental  and  moral  qualities  on  the  other. 
Every  one  recognizes  family  resemblances  in  phys- 
ical features.  A  particular  shape  of  nose  or  a 
peculiarity  of  the  hand  appears  in  every  member 
of  the  family,  sometimes  for  several  successive 
generations.  Facts  like  these  we  accept  as  evidence 
of  "  heredity  "  without  any  question.  We  also  rec- 
ognize that  the  Joneses  of  Centerville  always  take 
the  measles  "  hard,"  whereas  with  the  Andersons 
vaccination  never  "  takes."  But  when  it  comes  to 
mental  qualities,  which  we  are  not  accustomed  to 
measure  or  to  recognize  with  the  same  degree  of 
discrimination,  most  of  us  fail  to  see  that  heredity 
is  just  as  common  for  these  as  for  physical  traits. 
Moreover,  mental  qualities  take  on  such  a  great 
variety  of  forms  that  their  recognition  is  made 
doubly  difficult.  Thus  it  may  be  the  same  mental 
traits  that  make  of  a  certain  man  a  successful 
lawyer,  of  his  brother  an  able  scientist,  and  of 

226 


HEREDITY  AND  ENVIRONMENT 

their  cousin  a  clever  criminal.  No  doubt  each  of 
these  three  men  has  qualities  in  a  degree  lacking  in 
the  others;  but  the  point  is  that  they  have  many 
qualities  in  common  which  are  obscured  by  the  dif- 
ferent lines  of  development  they  have  followed. 

The  old  parable  of  the  wheat  cast  upon  the 
ground  may  help  us.  That  which  falls  upon  stony 
ground  fails  of  germination;  that  which  falls  upon 
poor  soil  will  germinate,  but  will  die  of  drought  or 
be  scorched  by  the  sun ;  that  which  falls  upon  good 
soil  will  develop  into  a  good  plant.  The  kind  of 
plant  that  may  develop  is  determined  by  the  seed, 
by  heredity;  how  the  plant  will  develop  is  deter- 
mined by  the  surrounding  conditions,  by  the  en- 
vironment. On  the  physical  side  these  facts  are  so 
familiar  to  us  that  we  never  question  the  connection 
between  development  and  food,  or  between  devel- 
opment and  exercise,  or  between  development  and 
other  physical  conditions.  Of  course,  we  say,  an 
undernourished  child  will  never  be  strong;  of 
course,  an  overworked  child  will  never  be  strong, 
of  course,  drinking  and  smoking  and  other  dissi- 
pation will  prevent  healthy  development.  And  yet, 
do  we  not  know  that  of  two  underfed  children, 
one  will  show  the  ill  effects  more  than  the  other; 
that  of  two  overworked  children,  one  will  survive 
abuse  with  less  permanent  injury  than  the  other. 

227 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

We  must,  then,  have  clear  in  our  minds  the  idea 
that  everything  that  happens  to  a  child  and  that 
may  produce  a  reaction  or  an  effect  is  worth  con- 
sidering from  the  point  of  view  of  its  influence 
upon  his  development.  Indeed,  instead  of  discuss- 
ing heredity  versus  environment,  we  should  try  to 
conceive  of  the  personality  of  the  child  as  made  up 
of  the  effect  of  a  certain  heredity  responding  to  a 
certain  environment.  For  example,  the  child  in- 
herits the  instinct  to  handle  things.  At  a  certain  age 
this  instinct  will  take  the  form  of  handling  objects 
within  reach,  and  of  breaking  them.  We  cannot  say 
that  the  child  has  an  instinct  for  breaking  vases  or 
tearing  books ;  he  has  simply  the  instinct  to  do  some- 
thing with  material  that  he  can  handle.  Now,  it  is 
possible  for  the  child  to  exercise  this  instinct  only 
on  material  that  can  be  broken  or  torn;  it  is  also 
possible  for  the  child  to  exercise  it  on  material  that 
can  be  manipulated  constructively — as  blocks  for 
building,  clay  for  shaping,  or,  later,  tools  of  various 
kinds.  In  one  case  the  child  establishes  habits  of  tear- 
ing or  breaking;  in  the  other  the  same  instincts — 
the  same  "  heredity,"  that  is — issues  in  habits  of 
making.  Or  we  may  take  the  instinct  of  curiosity, 
which  every  normal  child  will  manifest  at  an  early 
stage.  This  instinct  may  find  exercise  in  wondering 
what  is  in  parcels  or  closed  cupboards;  or  it  may 

228 


HEREDITY  AND  ENVIRONMENT 

exercise  itself  in  wondering  about  the  thunder  and 
the  flowers  and  the  things  under  the  earth;  or  it 
may  be  quite  suppressed  by  discouragement  or  by, 
unsatisfying  indulgence.  Thus  the  same  instinct 
may  lead  under  different  treatments  to  different 
results.  This  does  not  mean  that  every  child  has 
the  making  of  an  investigator;  it  means  that  a  per- 
fectly healthy  instinct  capable  of  being  turned  to 
good  use  is  often  perverted  or  crushed  out  because 
we  have  not  learned  to  cultivate  it  profitably  through 
control  of  the  growing  child's  development. 

There  is  abundant  evidence  that  the  mental  and 
moral  capacities  are  inherited  in  the  same  way  as 
the  purely  physical  or  physiological  ones.  We 
have,  however,  much  more  to  learn  about  how  to 
control  the  development  of  the  former  Jhan  about 
the  control  of  the  latter.  Yet  this  point  should  be 
clear  to  every  parent  and  teacher;  whatever  the 
child's  inheritance  may  be,  the  full  development  of 
his  capacities  is  possible  only  under  suitable  ex- 
ternal conditions.  What  these  conditions  are  de- 
pends upon  the  combination  of  capacities  that  the 
particular  child  possesses.  But  to  find  out  what 
these  capacities  are  we  must  give  the  child  an  oppor- 
tunity to  show  "  what's  in  him."  This  we  can  do 
by  placing  him  in  an  environment  simple  enough 
for  him  to  adjust  himself  to  readily,  and  at  the 

229 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

same  time  complex  enough  to  give  every  side  of  his 
nature  a  chance  to  respond.  This  is  the  significance 
of  modern  educational  movements  that  seek  to 
leave  the  child  untrammelled  in  his  responses  to 
what  goes  on  around  him.  We  have  learned  that 
some  children  will  become  tall  and  that  others  will 
never  reach  beyond  a  certain  height;  we  seek 
merely  to  keep  them  healthy  by  suitable  feeding, 
exercise,  rest,  bathing,  etc.  But  in  the  matter  of 
mental  development  we  have  not  yet  learned  that 
it  is  impossible  for  all  children  to  reach  the  same 
degree  of  linguistic  or  mathematical  or  artistic  de- 
velopment, and  we  try  to  bring  all  of  them  up  to 
our  preconceived  standard  of  what  a  child  should 
do  in  each  line.  The  thing  that  we  need  to  find 
out  is  what  a  particular  child  can  do;  and  then  we 
must  give  him  the  opportunity  and  the  encourage- 
ment to  do  his  best.  The  things  we  encourage  him 
to  do  will  be  the  basis  for  the  habits  which  he  will 
form,  for  the  skill  which  he  will  acquire — and  so  for 
the  activities  that  will  yield  him  satisfaction  and 
determine  his  behavior  in  relation  to  others.  That  is, 
the  things  the  child  learns  to  do  well  will  determine 
what  kind  of  a  person  he  will  be  when  he  grows  up. 
But  it  would  be  a  mistake  to  suppose  that  every 
child  is  born  with  a  set  of  special  aptitudes  that  fit 
him  for  some  particular  occupation.  Many  chil- 

230 


HEREDITY  AND  ENVIRONMENT 

dren  do  indeed  have  rather  special  types  of  native 
ability,  as  the  child  of  artistic  proclivities,  or  the 
"  natural  born  "  preacher.  And,  on  the  other  hand, 
many  children  are  born  with  marked  shortcomings 
in  their  makeup,  although  these  "  deficiencies " 
need  not  always  interfere  with  their  developing 
into  excellent  men  and  women.  For  example,  a 
child  may  be  color-blind,  or  incapable  of  mastering 
a  foreign  language  in  school,  or  awkward  in  doing 
work  requiring  great  skill — and  yet  capable  of 
doing  high-grade  work  in  other  lines.  Those  chil- 
dren that  have  strongly-marked  proclivities — which 
usually  show  themselves  early  in  life  and  which  are 
commonly  associated  with  strong  likes  and  dis- 
likes— will  no  doubt  do  the  most  effective  work 
along  the  lines  of  their  native  talents.  And  those 
with  marked  deficiencies  should  certainly  not  be 
directed  into  occupations  wherein  the  lacking 
talents  are  essential  for  success.  But  the  great 
mass  of  children  vary  from  each  other  not  so  much 
in  the  directions  along  which  their  special  abilities 
lie  as  in  the  degree  to  which  they  are  capable  of 
developing'  the  ordinary  abilities  which  they  do 
have.  For  such  children  the  choice  of  an  occupa- 
tion cannot  wisely  be  made  very  early  in  life,  nor 
should  a  very  special  choice  be  made  until  there  has 
been  an  opportunity  to  try  out  a  large  variety  of 

231 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

activities  and  processes.  Indeed,  even  for  the  child 
of  decided  genius  it  is  desirable  that  there  be  a 
chance  to  try  out  many  kinds  of  activities,  both 
physical  and  mental.  This  is  desirable  not  so  much 
in  the  hope  of  counteracting  his  special  bent  on  the 
theory  of  supplying  exercise  for  the  functions  that 
are  not  to  his  liking  as  for  the  purpose  of  giving 
him  an  opportunity  to  find  out  all  he  can  do,  and 
to  give  us  a  chance  to  find  out  all  he  can  do  well. 

Even  children  who  pass  as  "  average  "  children, 
however,  may  be  divided  into  classes  according  to 
the  variations  in  their  native  capacities.  That  is 
to  say,  some  children,  although  not  exhibiting  any 
special  talents  or  special  deficiencies,  are  never- 
theless more  easily  adjusted  to  doing  muscular 
work  than  others;  some  are  more  happy  in  the 
manipulation  of  numbers;  some  show  greater  pa- 
tience; some  are  more  easily  fatigued  by  the  repe- 
tition of  a  process;  some  cannot  stand  on  their 
feet  for  long  periods  without  suffering,  and  so  on. 
These  differences  should  certainly  be  taken  into 
consideration,  first  of  all,  in  the  treatment  ac- 
corded them  in  the  school  and  at  home,  in  what  is 
required  of  them,  in  the  selection  of  studies,  etc. 
And,  in  the  second  place,  these  facts  should  be 
considered  in  the  choice  of  general  fields  of  occu- 
pation. It  would  be  the  height  of  cruelty  and  of 

232 


HEREDITY  AND  ENVIRONMENT 

injustice  to  insist  upon  Walter's  preparing  for  and 
entering  his  father's  business — just  to  keep  up 
the  family  tradition — when  a  little  attention  to  the 
boy's  work  in  school  and  to  his  play  and  to  his 
personal  preferences  and  tastes  would  show  that  he 
was  eminently  unsuited  for  the  business,  and  at  the 
same  time  well  suited  for  some  technical  pursuit 
such  as  engineering.  Untold  misery  and  failure 
spring  from  our  negligence  in  these  matters,  no  less 
than  from  our  direction  of  the  child's  development 
in  accordance  with  the  parents'  ambitions  rather 
than  in  accordance  with  the  child's  discoverable 
abilities  and  disabilities. 

How  far  short  our  ordinary  training  falls  of 
giving  our  various  capacities  their  full  development 
is  shown  by  the  exquisite  acuteness  of  touch  and 
of  hearing  acquired  by  children  who  become  blind 
in  infancy.  The  senses  of  touch  and  hearing  are 
here  developed  so  far  beyond  what  ordinary  per- 
sons ever  attain  that  the  belief  is  quite  common  that 
one  who  is  defective  in  one  sense  has  been  com- 
pensated by  "  nature  "  with  special  capacity  in  the 
other  senses.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  however,  the 
extreme  development  is  not  the  result  of  special 
endowment  or  "  heredity,"  but  altogether  the  re- 
sult of  special  training  or  "  environment." 

233 


YOUR  CHILD  TODAY  AND  TOMORROW 

There  is  a  certain  sense  in  which  the  idea  of 
heredity  impresses  one  with  a  paralyzing  feeling 
of  inevitableness.  When  a  child  is  born  his  sex  is 
irrevocably  fixed;  the  character  of  his  eyes  and  of 
his  hair,  the  form  of  his  features  and  the  ridges 
on  his  finger-tips  are  unalterable  except  through 
mutilation  or  disease.  But  up  to  a  certain  limit 
the  child  will  grow  just  in  proportion  to  the  nurture 
that  he  receives.  And  what  that  limit  is  we  may 
not  know  until  we  find  out  through  years  of  patient 
effort,  through  endless  trying  out  in  every  direc- 
tion. He  will  grow  farther  in  some  directions 
than  in  others,  and  the  limit  in  each  direction  is 
the  element  of  destiny  supplied  by  heredity.  Very 
few,  however,  reach  their  limit  in  many  directions, 
and  no  person  has  ever  reached  his  limit  in  every 
direction.  The  distance  we  do  actually  go  de- 
pends, in  practice,  altogether  upon  the  kind  of  en- 
vironment that  is  supplied.  This  environment,  so 
far  as  the  growing  child  is  concerned,  is  entirely 
within  our  control,  and  we  have  no  right  to  give 
up  our  efforts  and  to  shift  the  responsibility  to 
unsatisfactory  heredity  until  we  are  quite  sure  that 
all  has  been  done  that  suitable  surroundings  and 
treatment — suitable  "  environment  " — can  do.  We 
must  watch  and  wait,  and  work  hard  while  we 
wait  and  watch. 

234 


There  are  times  WJ  EN  children  seem  not 
to  be  quite  up  to  par,  then  it  is  that  the  watchful 
parent  is  doubtful  as  to  the  seriousness  of  the  symp- 
toms, and  naturally  the  question  arises  as  to 

whether  it  be  wise  1  O  oh/ND  for  medical  advice. 
To  have  the  answer  to  this  query  always  at  hand 
in  the  simplest  and  most  untechnical  manner  possi- 
ble, and  yet  with  sound  scientific  caution,  a  little 

book  has  been  written  r  OK  fathers,  mothers,  and 

teachers.  It  is  planned  differently  from  all  other 
books  in  the  field.  It  is  the  result  of  both  medi- 
cal and  psychological  experience  gained  in  clinical 
and  general  practice.  The  book  tells  when  not 

to  send   for       HE  DOC   lOR   and  exactly 

when  to  do  so.  It  catalogues  the  simple,  every-day, 
well-known  ailments  by  their  common  names,  tells 
how  to  treat  them,  and  sharply  marks  them  off  from 
the  serious  diseases  demanding  a  doctor's  advice. 
When  an  emergency  arises  it  tells  you 

What  to  Do  Before 
the  Doctor  Comes 

When  to  Send  for  the  Doctor 

And  What  to  Do  Before  the  Doctor  Comes 

By  DR.  F.  E.  LIPPERT  and  DR.  ARTHUR  HOLMES.  Sixteen  full-page 
illustrations  and  frontispiece  in  color.  I2mo.  Cloth,  $1.25  net. 
Postpaid,  $1.37. 

"  The  best  book  of  its  kind  which  I  have  ever  seen.'' — Mrs.  Mary  I.  Wood, 
Manager,  General  Federation  of  Women's  Clubs. 


FOR  EVERY  BOY  AND  GIRL 

Three  Hundred  Things  a  Bright 
Boy  Can  Do 

By  MANY  HANDS 

This  work  covers  a  wide  field  of  sport  and  pastime,  both  recreative 
and  instructive,  and  cannot  fail  to  engage  the  interest  of  every  intelli- 
gent boy,  however  varied  or  limited  his  tastes  may  be.  The  necessary 
details  of  each  sport  or  pastime  are  written  in  a  simple  but  exhaustive 
manner,  and  the  lucid  explanation  given  will  be  understood  by  the 
youngest. 

The  book,  although  written  specially  for  boys,  will  not  fail  to  have 
its  use  as  a  work  of  reference  to  all  those  who  still  find  pleasure  in 
rejuvenating  occupations. 

To  keep  a  boy  happily  engaged  during  the  winter  evenings,  and 
to  help  him  to  perfect  himself  for  the  activities  of  the  field  in  summer, 
no  better  present  could  be  given  him  than  a  copy  of  this  volume. 

With  many  illustrations  and  diagrams.     Large  crown  8vo.     Decorated 
cloth;  $2.00  net. 

Three  Hundred  and  One  Things 
a  Bright  Girl  Can  Do 

By  MANY  HANDS 

The  hundreds  of  games  and  pastimes  described  in  this  book,  both 
indoor  and  out,  amusing  and  instructive,  cannot  fail  to  interest  every 
girl,  no  matter  how  varied  her  tastes  may  be. 

With  many  illustrations  and  diagrams.    440  pages.     8vo.     Decorated 
cloth,  $2.00  net. 

J.   B.    LIPPINCOTT  COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS  PHILADELPHIA 


FAIRY  TALE  CLASSICS 

THREE  NEW  EDITIONS  OF 

Hans  Andersen's  Fairy  Tales 

New  Holiday  and  Gift  Edition.  Over  400  illustrations. 
Introduction  by  Edward  Everett  Hale,  D.D.  Large 
square  8vo.  320  pages.  Cloth,  $2.00. 

New  Edition.  Illustrated  with  180  drawings  by  Helen 
Stratton.  With  frontispiece,  title-page,  and  cover- 
design  lithographed  in  colors.  Large  square  8vo. 
441  pages.  Cloth,  $1.50. 

New  Edition.  Illustrated  with  full-page  color  plates  from 
drawings  by  Maria  L.  Kirk,  and  pictures  in  the  text. 
Decorated  lining-papers.  8vo.  220  pages.  Deco- 
rated cloth,  $1.50. 

Grimm's  Fairy  Tales 

Translated  by  MRS.  EDGAR  LUCAS 

With  loo  illustrations  by  Arthur  Rackham.     Nearly  500  pages.     Large 
J2mo.     Cover  design  in  colors.     $1.50. 

Norse  Fairy  Tales 

From  the  Translations  by 
SIR  GEORGE  WEBBE  DASENT 

Profusely  illustrated  by  Reginald  L.  and  Horace  J.  Knowles.     Large  I2mo. 
Cover  design  in  color.     $1.75. 

J.  B.  LIPPINCOTT  COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS  PHILADELPHIA 


BOOKS  FOR    BOYS 
"PEWEE"  CLINTON-PLEBE 

By  PROF.  W.  O.  STEVENS. 

This  is  a  rattling  good  tale  of  the  adventures  of  a"Plebe"at  the 
United  States  Naval  Academy.  The  author,  through  his  connection 
with  the  Academy,  understands  thoroughly  the  intimate  life  of  the 
middies.  He  describes  vividly  the  humorous  incidents,  scrapes  and 
escapades  that  enliven  the  duties  of  these  embryo  commodores. 
Illustrated  by  Herbert  Pullinger.  12*10.  Cloth,  $1.25,  net.  Postpaid,  $1.37. 

THE  BOY  SCOUTS 

OF  BIRCH-BARK   ISLAND 

By  RUPERT  SARGENT  HOLLAND 

This  book  tells  the  adventures  of  a  troop  of  twenty-five  Boy  Scouts 
who  leave  New  York  about  the  middle  of  June  and  camp  on  an  island  in 
the  Connecticut  River.  The  Scouts  pitch  their  tents,  explore  the  island, 
draw  maps  of  what  they  discover,  lay  out  baseball  field,  hold  water-sports, 
and  go  on  scouting  "  hikes  "  across  the  island  and  along  the  mainland. 

With  colored  frontispiece  and  five  illustrations  in  black  and  white  by 
Herbert  Pullinger.    I2mo.     Decorated  cloth,  $1.25  net.     Postpaid, 


THE  LONGSHORE  BOYS 

By  WILLIAM  O.  STODDARD,  Jr. 

An  unusually  fine  tale  of  the  adventures  of  three  boys  on  a  cruise  on 
the  Great  South  Bay,  on  the  south  side  of  Long  Island.     The  book  will 
surely  appeal  to  the  live  boy,  and  afford  him  much  sold  enjoyment. 
Illustrated  in  color  by  Herbert  Pullinger.     I2mo.     Cloth,  $1.50. 

With  Fighting  Jack  Barry 

By  JOHN  T.  McINTYRE. 

With  the  Revolution  of  1776  as  a  back-ground,  and  the  fortunes  of  a 
couple  of  young  lads,  hardy  and  courageous,  to  follow,  the  author  has 
little  difficulty  in  treating  one  daring  escapade  after  another. 

"  This  rattling  story  should  be  especially  attractive  to  the  youthful  reader." 

—  Chicago  Evening  Post. 

Four  illustrations  in  color.     I2mo.     Pictorial  cover.     Cloth,  $1.50. 

J.  B.  LIPPINCOTT  COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS  PHILADELPHIA 


INSTRUCTIVE  AND  ENTERTAINING  BOOKS 

The  Boy  Electricians  as  Detectives 

By  EDWIN  J.  HOUSTON 

FEW  boys  could  acquire  more  knowledge  of  electricity 
from  text-books  than  from  this  story  of  the  advent- 
ures of  three  boys  who  formed  a  club  to  amuse  them- 
selves in  learning  the  use  of  electricity.    Novel  experiments 
are  described,  including  the  making  and  operation  of  a 
small  wireless  telegraph.   The  boys  are  of  that  jolly,  active, 
self-reliant  type,  and  every  wide-awake  boy  will  find  this 
a  fascinating  and  instructive  story. 

Six  illustrations  in  wash  by  Frank  McKernan.     I2mo.     Cloth,  $1.25  ntt. 
Postpaid,  $1.37. 

BY  THE  SAME  AUTHOR 

The  Boy  Electrician 

or  The  Secret  Society  of  the  Jolly  Philosophers 

"The  author  has  succeeded  admirably  in  blending  entertainment  with 
instruction,  and  the  book  is  bound  to  awaken  a  scientific  interest  in  the 
young  reader." — Philadelphia.  Press. 

Illustrated  by  Frank  McKernan.     I2mo.     Cloth,  $i.$o. 

The  Boy  Mineral  Collectors 

By  JAY  G.  KELLEY,  M.E. 

A  STORY  full  of  the  good  times  and  adventures  of  two 
boys  on  a  three  months'  vacation  at  their  uncle's 
Western  home.     Their  uncle,  a  miner  and  mineral- 
ogist, takes  them  along  in  his  work,  and  under  his  direc- 
tion they  learn  much  and  have  splendid  times  making  a 
collection  of  minerals. 

Colored  frontispiece .     I2mo.     Cloth,  $1.50. 

J.  B.  LIPPINCOTT  COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS  PHILADELPHIA 


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